Author Topic: The computing stuff rant thread (Read 405800 times)

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #775 on:** 08 August, 2015, 08:01:13 pm »

They didn't have all this new-fangled theory Stuffs thirty years ago, but nowadays the DVSA will flog you a DVD-ROM with practice clips and tests and so forth. Apparently they now use CGI for the test itself, which is much clearer, but this hasn't yet filtered down to the DVD.

Kim · « **Reply #776 on:** 09 August, 2015, 02:42:51 pm »

Apparently people actually fail the theory test. Since it consists of about 5% obscure but easily revised facts (stopping distances, uncommon roadsigns, species of pedestrian crossing), 20% common sense and 75% "D) Slow down and proceed with caution.", you really have to worry.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #777 on:** 09 August, 2015, 05:50:03 pm »

I aten't so worried about the Theory Test but the Hazard Perception one is another wossname of fishies.

(Click...click...click...swear...I did spot the wall full of fucking teenagers spitting needlessly

)

Pickled Onion · « **Reply #778 on:** 10 August, 2015, 01:34:09 pm »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 09 August, 2015, 05:50:03 pm

I aten't so worried about the Theory Test but the Hazard Perception one is another wossname of fishies.

(Click...click...click...swear...I did spot the wall full of fucking teenagers spitting needlessly )

I've not done it myself (having passed the test when knowing all the hand signals was necessary) but the standard advice appears to be "click on absolutely everything, as quickly as possible, it's been put there for a reason".

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #779 on:** 10 August, 2015, 06:53:51 pm »

If you do that it notices and awards you nul points.

David Martin · « **Reply #780 on:** 10 August, 2015, 09:17:01 pm »

Is there an on-line version?

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #781 on:** 12 August, 2015, 06:22:24 pm »

OK, Microsith, what the actual fuck have you done to Excel with your last set of updates? Doing just about anything makes it hang

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #782 on:** 13 August, 2015, 12:39:35 am »

Damn and blast Microsith, said Mr Larrington, the words coming easily through force of habit.

Why in the name of the Second Five Year Plan are you trying to install updates for Outlook and Powerpoint and various other components of Office which aren't even installed on the fucking machine

Feanor · « **Reply #783 on:** 13 August, 2015, 09:00:42 am »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 13 August, 2015, 12:39:35 am

Damn and blast Microsith, said Mr Larrington, the words coming easily through force of habit.

Why in the name of the Second Five Year Plan are you trying to install updates for Outlook and Powerpoint and various other components of Office which aren't even installed on the fucking machine

I think it's because all of the office components *are* actually still there on the machine, even if you only elected to install a sub-set of them.
They are just hiding behind the sofa.

This is so that you can go into Add/Remove programs, and in the Office add/remover you have the option to change what components are installed ( eg add Outlook ) without having to go find the Office install disks.
(I think if you look, it will list your Outlook as 'Not Available', rather than 'Not Installed'.)
The previously not-~~installed~~ available component will emerge from behind the sofa, with all the current patches and updates magically included.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #784 on:** 13 August, 2015, 10:35:57 am »

Ah. This makes sense now I think about it. I was wondering why a custom install of just Word and Excel required the same 2.57 GB of disk space as the express install everything option. But anyway.

Some spod at Microsith has claimed that the "Excel hangs when you look at it" issue can be cured by ~~examining the entrails of a chicken~~ jibbling with your default printer, but every time I tried to access "Devices & Printers" from the Control Panel the CP hung so badly it needed a reboot to restore it to life.

Removing and reinstalling Office did the trick and Excel was happy. And then Microsith installed 52 updates, and Excel broke again, and the conclusion we draw from this, which coincidentally is one of the fundamental principles of IngSoc, is that Microsith Spod speak with forked tongue.

Uninstalling all add-ins, and the 3rd-party "Print to PDF" application, and Office, and then reinstalling them, and allowing Microsith to apply its updates (four of which it decided "weren't needed"), and I can once more embolden the contents of a cell, and that's about four hours of my time I'd rather have wasted doing something useful, like getting to the bottom of why the in-game music player in ETS2 doesn't like ZZ Top.

Andrij · « **Reply #785 on:** 13 August, 2015, 12:29:28 pm »

Do you really need to use M$Orifice? There are suitable substitutes available for the princely sum of zero of the BRITON'S Pounds.

tiermat · « **Reply #786 on:** 13 August, 2015, 12:31:02 pm »

Quote from: Andrij on 13 August, 2015, 12:29:28 pm

Do you really need to use M$Orifice? There are suitable substitutes available for the princely sum of zero of the BRITON'S Pounds.

Indeed, the Chinese invader* is my favourite, it doesn't have the sluggishness of OOO and none of the irritations of MS Office.

*Kingsoft Office

Kim · « **Reply #787 on:** 13 August, 2015, 12:49:16 pm »

TBH, I think if you're having to use Excel then you're already having a bad day, and trying to do so with a pale imitation of the real thing is only going to make matters worse.

Word, not so much. There are plenty of equally incompetent word processors available for the princely sum of zero BRITONS pounds. Or if it's a proper document, LaTeX.

If you need Powerpoint then you're basically doomed anyway.

Bledlow · « **Reply #788 on:** 13 August, 2015, 12:57:29 pm »

Quote from: Kim on 08 August, 2015, 02:47:58 pm

When I did it the babbage-engines were at least somebody else's problem, and the test was easily passed by guessing the frequency of clicks that would constitute cheating, and making sure that you stayed somewhat under it, while not being completely oblivious to the road scene being presented. TBH, anyone who's been successfully using the roads for a while ought to be able to pass it easily, either through a rudimentary ability to anticipate hazards, or a sufficiently high level of luck.

This. IIRC if you click too soon & it doesn't register (counted as a random click), & repeating the click too quickly gets it counted as continuously clicking in the hope a hazard will turn up. Took me a few tries with the CD to get it right.

The Highway Code test was piss-easy, though.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #789 on:** 13 August, 2015, 03:18:37 pm »

Quote from: Andrij on 13 August, 2015, 12:29:28 pm

Do you really need to use M$Orifice? There are suitable substitutes available for the princely sum of zero of the BRITON'S Pounds.

Good God, man, you don't think I actually paid for Office, do you?

That is what (former) employers are for.

Having said that, Microsith wants to install another 38 updates and a pound says Excel will be stiffed afterwards.

TheLurker · « **Reply #790 on:** 13 August, 2015, 07:12:32 pm »

Oh Satan's Hairy Arse!

I successfully avoid M$ patch crappery at home by _not_ applying their patches, but when I fire up at 0530 (don't ask) expecting to find a dev. server with our dev. DBs all present and correct and but find instead an e-mail sent at 2230 last night from the poor overworked sod who herds our servers telling me that M$ have supplied a patch that renders the server un-bootable* (is that a word? it is now) and it will be the thick end of a day before that particular server is back in service I reserve the right to call M$ lots and _lots_ of unprintable names. Deadlines? Nah, we don't have deadlines. Not so you'd notice.

I also happen to know that our server-herd started work at just gone 8 yesterday morning and lives about an hour's drive from the office so the poor bugger will have had a stupidly long day simply because M$ can't patch their own bloody OS on vanilla hardware properly. Fuckwits.

*Well it did reboot, the problem was it did nothing but effing reboot.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #791 on:** 13 August, 2015, 07:27:20 pm »

In an unprecedented case of actually doing what it says on the tin, the aforementioned updates did not kill Excel utterly to DETH, though as it's taken about forty-eight hours to achieve this state of stability I remain unconvinced that this is the end of the matter.

perpetual dan · « **Reply #792 on:** 13 August, 2015, 07:59:22 pm »

Quote from: Kim on 13 August, 2015, 12:49:16 pm

TBH, I think if you're having to use Excel then you're already having a bad day, and trying to do so with a pale imitation of the real thing is only going to make matters worse.

Word, not so much. There are plenty of equally incompetent word processors available for the princely sum of zero BRITONS pounds. Or if it's a proper document, LaTeX.

If you need Powerpoint then you're basically doomed anyway.

Beamer ftw

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #793 on:** 14 August, 2015, 05:55:44 pm »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 13 August, 2015, 07:27:20 pm

In an unprecedented case of actually doing what it says on the tin, the aforementioned updates did not kill Excel utterly to DETH, though as it's taken about forty-eight hours to achieve this state of stability I remain unconvinced that this is the end of the matter.

Oh look! It's b0rked again.

Morat · « **Reply #794 on:** 14 August, 2015, 09:26:52 pm »

This week has been ridiculous.
Power cuts, generator failures, iSCSI array failures, Devs on holiday with outstanding major bugs, and a user who wont shut up about his sodding headset. I'm tempted to replace it with a man-trap and shut it on his head.

TheLurker · « **Reply #795 on:** 14 August, 2015, 09:28:04 pm »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 14 August, 2015, 05:55:44 pm

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 13 August, 2015, 07:27:20 pm
In an unprecedented case of actually doing what it says on the tin, the aforementioned updates did not kill Excel utterly to DETH, though as it's taken about forty-eight hours to achieve this state of stability I remain unconvinced that this is the end of the matter.

Oh look! It's b0rked again.

Give up. Buy pencils, lots of paper, a sharpener and a rubber*. You'll waste far less time working it out by hand than trying to get M$ patches to work. Ask my colleague the server-herd (see prev. post) the poor bastard had another midnight touch yesterday trying to get the server back up and running was still working on it today and fully expecting to spending time on it tomorrow just cos of a shite M$ patch.

*For USANIAN visitors: Eraser.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #796 on:** 14 August, 2015, 11:55:38 pm »

Downloaded, though didn't install, Kingsoft Office. This has scared Excel into working again

Karla · « **Reply #797 on:** 17 August, 2015, 04:26:48 pm »

Smarmy posters on stackexchange who mark posts as duplicate because they bear some passing relation to an oblique, unsatisfying answer to a tangentially-related question that was asked back in 2001. One day St Isidore of Seville - the patron saint of computers - is going to get biblical on your collective sorry asses and give you a reprogramming you'll never forget, utilising one of those thunderbolts you see God wielding in all the scariest pictures. I can't wait.

ian · « **Reply #798 on:** 24 August, 2015, 10:22:54 am »

So I go on holiday for several days. There's a lot of email in my inbox. Someone on one of the technology subdecks seemed to think that sending some cryptic message about an overfull /tmp file (I've no idea) to an entire mothership group email is a good idea.

You can guess the rest.

'can you please take me off this email string'ⁿ

You'd think after the first couple, they would have noticed than in complaining about one email they're generating many more.

I'm astounded that some people even manage the level of intellectual activity behind remembering to breath.

ian · « **Reply #799 on:** 24 August, 2015, 11:31:47 am »

Brilliant, about 150 emails later the originator pleads for people to stop. The response: dozens of reply-all 'thanks' and 'OK's

Were people this stupid before I want on holiday or was there a comet or strange meteor display while I was away?