the food rant thread

[ian]

I don't usually read the instructions, but we're all familiar with the common cook's bugbear of recipes that claim onions can be be browned in five minutes, a feat only possible if you've got a flamethrower; the instruction on the back of my smoked haddock package last night took things in the opposite direction and claimed I should poach it for '19 minutes.' Impressive precision, but really, surely a thin piece of haddock poaches in a few minutes? Nineteen minutes. Stop being mental Waitrose.

As it was, I threw it raw in my pot of macaroni cheese and made magic macaroni smoked haddock rarebit. Took about 10 minutes to brown and yes the fish was cooked.

[mrcharly-YHT]

I don't usually read the instructions, but we're all familiar with the common cook's bugbear of recipes that claim onions can be be browned in five minutes, a feat only possible if you've got a flamethrower; the instruction on the back of my smoked haddock package last night took things in the opposite direction and claimed I should poach it for '19 minutes.' Impressive precision, but really, surely a thin piece of haddock poaches in a few minutes? Nineteen minutes. Stop being mental Waitrose.

As it was, I threw it raw in my pot of macaroni cheese and made magic macaroni smoked haddock rarebit. Took about 10 minutes to brown and yes the fish was cooked.

Restaurants 'brown' onions rapidly by throwing white sugar in the pan.

[ian]

Even with sugar you can’t brown them in 5 mins. There’s an article somewhere where a chef tries all the different ways and can’t get them browned under 30 mins. Lies from Big Kitchen.

[slope]

Even with sugar you can’t brown them in 5 mins. There’s an article somewhere where a chef tries all the different ways and can’t get them browned under 30 mins. Lies from Big Kitchen.

As often in these things lids are not often mentioned. I tend to soften onions in 'medium' heat oil with salt and the lid on for at least 15 minutes - to basically sweat. Mainly cos one doesn't need to keep a constant eye and stir the things in case they start to catch. Then remove lid and stir more frequently until done to soft and translucent and another 10 minutes to get from soft and squidgy, to golden rather than browned - and that will take at least another 10 minutes under a very watchful eye

Indeed there are many lies from Big Fake Kitchen's recipes which get repeated to such an annoying extent

We should perhaps start a specific thread and begin to list them?

[mrcharly-YHT]

Commercial kitchens often operate with temperatures more appropriate to a blacksmith's forge.

Where my son works now, they destroy (by delamination) frying pans in about a month.

Ton's of fat, smoking hot temps, so much sugar and salt that arteries and pancreas dies at the door; that's a commercial kitchen.

[citoyen]

Dear M&S, re your “Café” range. That’s a £6 pre-packed egg mayo sandwich. That’s egg mayo and bread? You don’t put bourbon in it or nothing?

[hellymedic]

D bought a ‘reduced’ yellow sticker pizza for £3.78, original price £6 from M&S.
Serves 2.
Yeast dough, tomato goo & cheese, no meat.
HOW MUCH MONEY???
HOW LITTLE FOOD? 

[Cudzoziemiec]

Yebbut it sure seems a bargain compared to a £6 egg mayo sandwich.

[ian]

All food that 'serves 2' actually serves one. This is a fundamental constant.