® iz back. Unfortunately teh Write app we used last year 4 teh writing ov Stuffs has just decided not 2 work any more. This iz made ov pants. And teh much-hyped-on-TV Word 4 Fondleslabs cannot save Stuffs as a text file, which iz made ov
pants. And keeps autocorrecting “teh”, which iz made ov unwashed pants. With Tories in them. And (
Omnes: | GET ON WITH IT!!1! |
N Boulting: | O hai! I am TV’s *** Boulting and I am made ov teh win! |
SD Millar: | O hai! I am TV’s Super D Millar and I, also, am made ov teh win! |
N Boulting: | No hat today, eh, Super D? And no pelicans, either! |
SD Millar: | No. No, there are not. Good weather 4 teh ducks, though, lol and, indeed, roffle! |
A Duck: | Actually, Super D Millar, we anatidae like nothing better than a nice sunny day. Except bread, natch. Got any bread? |
SD Millar: | No. No, I haz not. |
A Duck: | DIAF, Super D Millar! (Exit, pursued by a cocker spaniel) |
N Boulting: | Yay! Here iz TV’s M Rendall, Knower ov Stuffs! Plz 2 tell us, M Rendall, what u know ov teh course and things? |
M Rendall: | Nix rien nul y naff-all! Je am gang ti la Kneipe! (Exit, shaped like an umbrella) |
| Enter TV’s C Boardmen |
EC Boardman: | O hai! I am TV’s Evil C Boardman and I am teh embodiment ov pure wickedness, badditude and vole-bothering! Right, I’m off! Iz teh small furry animal out there with mi naem on it. Bai! (Exit, pursued by TV’s Nice C Boardman) |
N Boulting: | Lucky escape there, eh, kids! |
| Some time later… |
PT Voeckler: | O hai! Je suis Petit Tommy Voeckler de la télévision, et je suis fabriqué de la victoire! Toutes les belles dames de la France m’aimeront encore plus, parce que je serai dans un opéra du savon. Il s’agit de la famille, n’est-ce pas? J’ai pris des leçons de Danny Dyer de la télévision!1 |
| Quite a lot later… |
S ["Poisonous term" - Ed.]anel: | O hai! I am S ["Poisonous term" - Ed.]anel and although I am made ov teh win, having been teh time-trial champion ov France many times, I am just here 4 joke comedy purposes today! |
A Valverde: | Piss! That hurts! |
G Thomas: | O hai! I am no longer C Froome but I am still made ov teh win! Plz 2 buck ur ideas up, u lot! They call this teh “hot seat” but I iz bloody freezing and want 2 go 2 teh pub! |
T Martin: | Arse! |
M Kitteh: | O hai! I am M Kitteh and I am made ov teh win! Also, miaow! Not a bad time-trial 4 a sprinter, eh? Plz 2 give mi teh fish! |
N Quintana: | O hai! Mi name iz N Quintana. U killed mi father. Prepare 2 die! Oh. Bollocks! |
C Froome: | O hai clouds oh hai sky team bus o hai stem o bugger! |
G Thomas: | Yay! Pwnage! I can haz shinyjumper! |
| Much, much later… |
SD Millar: | ***? |
N Boulting: | Yes, Super D? |
SD Millar: | U never did tell mi what iz teh capital ov Canada! |
CP Sagan: | Crazy!!1! |