In fact there were no bar snacks of any kind consumed there or at the Waggon & Horses 
[
Assumes a kindly but firm voice, the sort that might have been adopted by an old fashioned school master]
"Now then gentlemen ...
[
Pauses, begins to shout]
You boy at the back, yes you Oakden, pay attention, you might learn something![
A well aimed board duster hits the hapless miscreant square on the forehead]
Now then, where was I? Ah yes. I fear you gentlemen are missing a trick, we all know that public houses serve beer amongst other drinks, but they also sell food. This food generally falls into two categories ...
[
Writes "restaurant type meals" and "bar snacks" on the blackboard]
It is bar snacks that I would like to concentrate on.
[
Points at "bar snacks" with cane. The sight of the cane causes Oakden to flinch slightly, the bruise on his forehead is becoming quite noticeable]
Now then boys, a run-of-the-mill public house will normally just offer crisps and nuts, pork scratchings if you're lucky. However, some public houses offer a much wider range of bar snacks, locally made pork pies and pickled eggs for example. My advice to you is this: always carefully check what is on offer and most importantly try one of everything. Hard won experience suggests this practise will add immeasurable richness to your public house experience.
Your homework for the next month is to seek out public houses that offer a wider range of bar snacks and compose an essay of no less than two pages in length describing your experiences. And Oakden, I want an essay, not a spreadsheet."
