The Grumble Thread - No energy for a full on rant.

[hellymedic]

I almost always enjoy translating. I sometimes enjoy poetry. But translating poetry is a horrendous task.

Translating jokes/puns can be nearly impossible...

[Mrs Pingu]

Bastard varmers three doors up put down rat poison, and vermin are now crawling into their neighbours' gardens and cellars to die, rot and stink. A friend's small dog is very sick, and part of this weekend's entertainment for us will be heaving Mt. Boxmore out of the cellar to get at the animal that is decomposing under it somewhere and rendering the air unbreathable.

When I was a kid in Norn Iron our houses backed onto a disused railway cutting, and we used to see the occasional rat in the garden.  A peeler who lived next door but one put down poison and killed our dog.

Not feeling very charitable this morning.

My friend's dog died after eating rat poison,  not nice

[T42]

^^^Wretched, in fact.  I still remember ours going from pillar to post looking for a cold patch of floor to lie on to ease the pain.  In the end we got the vet to take over.

[Ham]

I almost always enjoy translating. I sometimes enjoy poetry. But translating poetry is a horrendous task.

Just for you, have a go:

Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me,
As plurdled gabbleblotchits,
On a lurgid bee,
That mordiously hath blurted out,
Its earted jurtles,
Into a rancid festering confectious organ squealer. [drowned out by moaning and screaming]
Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles,
Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts,
And living glupules frart and slipulate,
Like jowling meated liverslime,
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turling dromes,
And hooptiously drangle me,
With crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
See if I don't.

[offcumden]

Just for you, have a go:

Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me,
As plurdled gabbleblotchits,
On a lurgid bee,
That mordiously hath blurted out,
Its earted jurtles,
Into a rancid festering confectious organ squealer. [drowned out by moaning and screaming]
Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles,
Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts,
And living glupules frart and slipulate,
Like jowling meated liverslime,
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turling dromes,
And hooptiously drangle me,
With crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
See if I don't.

Just because the words don't go to the end of the line, doesn't make it poetry 

Anyway, which language would you like that in?

[Guy]

I never knew Foul Ole Ron was a poet

[Mr Larrington]

Just for you, have a go:

Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me,
As plurdled gabbleblotchits,
On a lurgid bee,
That mordiously hath blurted out,
Its earted jurtles,
Into a rancid festering confectious organ squealer. [drowned out by moaning and screaming]
Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles,
Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts,
And living glupules frart and slipulate,
Like jowling meated liverslime,
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turling dromes,
And hooptiously drangle me,
With crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
See if I don't.

Just because the words don't go to the end of the line, doesn't make it poetry 

Anyway, which language would you like that in?

Klingon...

[PeteB99]

Just for you, have a go:

Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me,
As plurdled gabbleblotchits,
On a lurgid bee,
That mordiously hath blurted out,
Its earted jurtles,
Into a rancid festering confectious organ squealer. [drowned out by moaning and screaming]
Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles,
Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts,
And living glupules frart and slipulate,
Like jowling meated liverslime,
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turling dromes,
And hooptiously drangle me,
With crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
See if I don't.

Just because the words don't go to the end of the line, doesn't make it poetry 

Anyway, which language would you like that in?

Klingon...

nIHDaq gruntbuggly freddled.
micturations jIHvaD.
je gabbleblotchits plurdled.
'etlhmey lurgid bee.
blurted mordiously.
earted jurtles.
vaj rancid fester confectious Da'oghlaHneSchugh squealer. [drowned moaning je jach]
toH jurpling slayjid agrocrustles.
woDDI' axlegrurts hagrilly slurping.
'ej yIn glupules frart 'ej slipulate.
rur jowling meated liverslime.
groop, SoHvaD, foonting turling dromes implore jIH.
'ej hooptiously drangle
crinkly bindlewurdles
pagh latlh lo'laHmo' vaj rend jIH neH gobberwarts je blurglecruncheon.
legh, vaj ghewmey jIH.

Scans better - No?

[T42]

Twichild! Uberous joberknowle!
Kinkle fizgig mulligrubs?
Snoozle pilliwinks:
Wallydrag quahog humdudgeon gur.
Spoffish squabash!
Estrangelo zoozoo.

(It's all in English.)

[Ruthie]

Hffff.  Free tickets to see The Martian tonight, and can I find a single person to go see it with me?

Hffff.

I'm going down the garden to eat worms.

Oh, no, I'm going to the pictures aren't I 

[CrinklyLion]

Had I known a several of hours earlier I'd have come!  Hope it's good

[Kim]

I'm going down the garden to eat wormspotatoes.

FTFY

[T42]

Why is it that you can never get the wretched thing back in the box it came in?  I just spent half an hour wrestling a coffee grinder down into its cardboard nest. It won't go another millimetre but the lid will not go down flat. One is mightily offgepißt and in a state of terminal frust.   

[Mr Larrington]

Now the monkey-featured twonks at the council have turned those six nose-in parking bays into four disabled ones it is now actually impossible to park legally anywhere near the sorting office, rather than merely very very difficult

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

Sorry.

[ian]

Now the monkey-featured twonks at the council have turned those six nose-in parking bays into four disabled ones it is now actually impossible to park legally anywhere near the sorting office, rather than merely very very difficult

Incorrect. You mean they've turned into four bays for oversized main urban battle tanks to park. You should try parking the bungalow on wheels that is a Q7 in a measly ordinary car parking space. They're only stopping for a minutes, show them some mercy. Disabled people can walk from an ordinary parking spot. They only drive little cars. Not big important cars for busy people.

[Mr Larrington]

Two of them were actually empty when I went to the sorting office this morning but because I am not a Blue Badge Abuser I had to park illegally in a residents' only road round the corner.

Perhaps I should have taken a leaf out of another punter's book, viz. park directly outside the office partly on double yellows and wholly across the vehicle entrance, with a small child left in the car.  But she had her hazards on, so that's OK.

[Mrs Pingu]

Went looking for the tin of beeswax lip balm to
put on my chapped nose. Failed to detect by
smell that it was the minty/menthol one. Until 30
secs later when my face felt like it was covered in
chilli. Doh!

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

My work laptop appears to be possessed by very naughty demons.

[perpetual dan]

DPD / wiggle.
I paid extra for next day delivery. You took 48 hours, and it was therefore 2 hours after there stopped being someone in to take delivery.

[offcumden]

Instead of driving, I took the train.  One less vehicle on the road, less pollution. No parking problems.
 
I set off on my journey a lover of the surface of the earth and my fellow humans.  But.  Although there were probably 2 or 3 times as many seats as there were passengers, it wasn't easy to find somewhere to sit. Feet on seats, bags spread out to 'discourage' me from sitting alongside, fat geezers sprawling. . .  Having been thus deterred as I walked the length of the carriage, I finally had to insist that the two over-dressed 'ladies' occupying six seats move their 'Harvey Nichols' carrier bags to make room for me. Not a word of apology.

Why are people such arseholes?  Altruism?  What's that?

I came back from my journey a disgruntled, disillusioned grouch. *****

[Pickled Onion]

I catch a long distance train every day, and some of the antics to get the most space are incredible. For example, putting your bag on the seat opposite makes it look like there's someone occupying the seat next to that, but they're not there to ask to move it. How about at a table seat, open your laptop but turn it to face the opposite (empty) seat, and hang your jacket on the seat next to you, and your bag opposite your jacket. Four seats to yourself! Seriously. Saw some bloke doing this last week.

The prize-winner was the person who sat in the seat next to her own reserved seat on a packed train. Then when someone asked if the seat was taken she replied "yes, that's my reservation"  - she did not move though, until I said something!

Runner-up prize to the person who thought that her reservation for seat 49B entitled her to sit in 49B on the 07:21 even though she was booked on the 07:40 

[offcumden]

That's awful. I don't envy you your daily journeys, PO.

The man was right, other people are hellish.

[ian]

My work laptop appears to be possessed by very naughty demons.

Just the one. Finestre is the Demon of Such Things.

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

I think he's using it as a training ground for imps.