Author Topic: Befuddling Child Utterances (Read 204316 times)

hellymedic · « **Reply #100 on:** 16 January, 2009, 09:24:29 pm »

Related by a friend, Elsewhere:

Teacher - " <6-yr-old girl's name> why are you looking out of the window. You should be working."
Girl: "I'm watching the pigeons mating in the playground."

PrettyBoyTim · « **Reply #101 on:** 27 January, 2009, 11:45:26 pm »

"Daddy... I don't think I have enough biscuits in my belly..."

scott · « **Reply #102 on:** 28 January, 2009, 04:49:56 am »

Anders, who had a snow day today and doesn't want to go to school tomorrow either:

"I'm going to wear my pajama pants inside out and put a spoon under my pillow. That'll make it snow."

Later, while putting his pajama pants on inside-out:

"....and I'm not being weird!"

Blah · « **Reply #103 on:** 28 January, 2009, 08:47:24 am »

Young Blah looking at the back of my iPhone: "Dad, someone took a bite out of your apple"

Clare · « **Reply #104 on:** 30 January, 2009, 08:59:00 am »

Quote from: scott on 28 January, 2009, 04:49:56 am

Anders, who had a snow day today and doesn't want to go to school tomorrow either:

"I'm going to wear my pajama pants inside out and put a spoon under my pillow. That'll make it snow."

Later, while putting his pajama pants on inside-out:

"....and I'm not being weird!"

Did it work?

hairyhippy · « **Reply #105 on:** 31 January, 2009, 11:04:54 pm »

Played HH2 (aged 6) some Hendrix today and he said,"Why are there flying tigers?"

scott · « **Reply #106 on:** 03 February, 2009, 02:44:03 am »

Quote from: Clare on 30 January, 2009, 08:59:00 am

Did it work?

Almost--we got freezing rain...of course, he had already heard the forecast before putting his plan into action.

pcolbeck · « **Reply #107 on:** 03 February, 2009, 12:22:38 pm »

Tell him to use a ladle instead of a spoon next time. That should do it.

Wascally Weasel · « **Reply #108 on:** 12 February, 2009, 11:09:47 am »

One of Ms Weasel's friends is a music teacher, she just posted her this story which she swears is true, word for word:

In a piano lesson....
Teacher : Now Lucie, that C isn't just a normal C is it? It has a # sign next to it. We've seen that sign before quite a lot haven't we? It does something special to the note...

Lucie (10) : I don't remember.

Teacher: Right, well have three guesses.

Lucie : It makes the note not exist?

Teacher: Er, no. Next?

Lucie : It makes it slower.

Teacher : What, one note slower than the other?

Lucie: Yes.

Teacher : No.

Lucie : It makes it happen together.

Teacher: Together with what?

Lucie : I don't know.

Teacher : (exasperated and slightly sarcastic) Well, it's either a flat, a sharp or a natural. You have three guesses again.

Lucie : Oh..I know, it's a natural.

Teacher : NO

Lucie : A flat?

Teacher : (nearly crying) NO!

Lucie (tentatively) : A...sharp?

Teacher (face down on piano keyboard) : Yes it's a sharp. Please don't forget it again. If we have to do this again I'll eat my hands or set fire to myself.

Lucie : Do you want some matches?

Teacher : No, don't worry I'll do it when I get home.

PaulF · « **Reply #109 on:** 12 February, 2009, 11:49:45 am »

Whenever I hear "Daddy I've got a good idea" from my son (41/2) I know that there's trouble ahead.

This time it was followed by "maybe I should get a credit card"

I didn't know where to start saying no!

alan · « **Reply #110 on:** 12 February, 2009, 01:32:17 pm »

Quote from: PaulF on 12 February, 2009, 11:49:45 am

I've got a good idea" from my son (41/2) I know that there's trouble ahead.

It doesn't change when he becomes 32 1/2

You will still need a credit card or a-deal-with-the-devil to help

PrettyBoyTim · « **Reply #111 on:** 23 February, 2009, 12:28:48 pm »

Gabriel (4): Mummy! do you know where the other sword is?
My Wife: No...
Gabriel: Awwww!
Gabriel: What can I use to kill Georgia with?

richie · « **Reply #112 on:** 11 March, 2009, 01:28:47 pm »

Listening to some old punk stuff in the car with my 7 yr old over the weekend:-

"Daddy, do punks wear hats?" Erm....

Wowbagger · « **Reply #113 on:** 17 March, 2009, 07:04:01 pm »

Scene: An infant school not far from here. Chess sets are being set up. A particularly annoying child (Michael) meddles with the teacher's computer. I point out that he should not touch it and that he is a nuisance.

Connor: "My brother's a nuisance... and he swears. He's only 16 and he's not supposed to swear. I think you've got to be 18 before you are allowed to swear."

nobby · « **Reply #114 on:** 18 March, 2009, 06:54:40 pm »

I'm on playground duty in a very middle class junior school and a butter wouldn't melt in her mouth eight year old little girl comes to tell me that Jason has said a swear. Although I know that Jason is definitely not middle class and quite likely to say a swear I think I had better make sure it isn't "blow" or "blast" before I tell him off.
Me - What did the swear begin with?
LG - O
Me, very puzzled having learnt a lot of swears as a young soldier - O? Are you sure?
LG - Yes, O!
Me - You are going to have to tell me a bit more because I don't know any swears beginning with O.
LG - He said O F*ck Off.

woollypigs · « **Reply #115 on:** 18 March, 2009, 09:27:47 pm »

muhahhaha

Rich753 · « **Reply #116 on:** 18 March, 2009, 10:57:34 pm »

sub-teen American ~~brat~~ nephew "oh f@ck"
Shocked English nanna "oh, I couldn't say that word, just could say it"
kid "why not nanna, can you say book?"
nanna "yes I can say book"
kid " and can you say four?"
nanna "yes I can say four"
kid " so why can't you say f@ck?"

Torslanda · « **Reply #117 on:** 18 March, 2009, 11:32:23 pm »

When Number 1 son was very small - 15 months-ish he knew one or two words. . .

We went to an open day at RAF Valley, Anglesey and saw lots of aeroplanes, most of which had absolutely no effect on him whatsoever.

Cue the arrival, from the South end of the airfield, of the Tornado F-3. Out of the haze a black-tipped bullet appears, wings fully swept, compression vapour spilling off the leading edges of the wings as the aircraft hurtles towards us in a halo of full-reheat fire. It is on the deck and really motoring.

The noise is about 2 or 3 seconds behind the aircraft and is a banshee from hell, the very air twanging as the jet screams by. As the pilot pulls up into a wingover and reverses direction to run down the airfield William looked at it with studied indifference and said 'Bird!'

A couple of weeks later he is in the back garden wearing a bright yellow t-shirt and a bee decides this would be a good place to land and take a rest. William is looking at a bee that is bigger than his hand almost which is clinging, exhausted to his chest. He raises his index finger and carefully strokes the bee before turning to Mrs Torslanda - she of the horned helmet and heavy metal breastplate - and says, proudly, 'Bird!'

Nowadays, aged coming up to 9, he knows a few more . . .

luv'n'stuff

J

nobby · « **Reply #118 on:** 19 March, 2009, 06:17:28 am »

Parents evening at same middle class junior school mentioned above.
Young mum tells me that she was totally embarassed by 8 year old Jennifer in the town's biggest and poshest department store. This is a store that sells the same stuff as the surrounding shops but at 20% more; you shop there only to show that you can.
Mum and Jennifer meet an older neighbour in the store and start discussing jennifer's house extension. Jennifer proudly tells the old lady that she has been helping the builders after school. Mum adds that the builders had kindly made Jennifer a little payacket and given to her on the Friday.
Old lady - Will they be finished this week, Jennifer?
Jennifer - Bill, the foreman, says not unless the supplier gets his thumb out of his arse; all the f*cking materiels are turning up late.

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #119 on:** 21 March, 2009, 08:40:46 am »

Got back from a short ride to find my son in the bath. Due to the logistics of the flat I had to neogtiate a way round him to put my bike away. Little Cudzo looks up from his plastic crocodile (it is a crocodile cos you can still see its teeth when its mouth is closed) and says,

Daddy, what would happen if you went on riding and riding and riding and riding for ever and ever and didn't stop?

So I said that eventually I would get back here, where I started.
Why?
Because the earth is a circle (didn't want to complicate this new idea with new words like sphere).
So if you got back here, and then you went on riding and riding and riding and riding, what then?

Wowbagger · « **Reply #120 on:** 03 April, 2009, 11:51:24 am »

Yesterday evening our younger daughter (aged 22) was leaning back affectionately against Mrs. Wow when she caught sight of herself in the mirror.

"Good grief!" said she, evidently not used to viewing them from that angle, "My breasts are enormous!"

clarion · « **Reply #121 on:** 03 April, 2009, 11:52:47 am »

I think we need an independent check of this assertion.

I volunteer to do the research.

Wowbagger · « **Reply #122 on:** 03 April, 2009, 11:54:56 am »

I think it is true to say that both my daughters are possibly better endowed in that department than they really want to be, a trait they inherited from me.

clarion · « **Reply #123 on:** 03 April, 2009, 12:04:05 pm »

This thread is quite OK without that sort of photo

unipaul · « **Reply #124 on:** 14 April, 2009, 08:19:39 pm »

From young-un today,
"I'm going to eat you up - chomp, chomp. Now you are in my tummy and you can't go to work!"

Nice to have been appreciated over the Easter break I suppose...

Author Topic: Befuddling Child Utterances (Read 204316 times)

alan