Author Topic: Overheard today  (Read 120715 times)

Giraffe

  • I brake for Giraffes
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #375 on: 20 February, 2018, 04:08:20 pm »
At the bus stop: "'news'paper says it'll be -22 this week"
Note: no scale given
I said "I hope that's not in Kelvin"
"I don't know where it is"
I didn't suggest that it might be in Glasgow - that's stretching geographical knowledge a bit!
2x4: thick plank; 4x4: 2 of 'em.

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #376 on: 21 March, 2018, 09:30:57 am »
Programmer says "You don't go changing code just for the sake of changing it"

REALLY? No, I'm fully aware that you lot only change code:
A) when it doesn't work
B) when somebody else wrote it and you know you could write a more elegant method
C) to add a new feature

Um, reason B. What does that sound like?
<i>Marmite slave</i>

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #377 on: 21 March, 2018, 10:13:51 am »
We used to live on an estate with electric gates. They put the motors underneath. To save a bit of money, they didn't bother with any drainage, despite the drains being about half a metre away from the compartment.

Anyway, as you can guess, that just meant the motor compartment flooded every time it rained. Electric motors work less well underwater.

Unless IPX 8 rated, in which case you'd probably save more money just by putting in drainage
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

ian

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #378 on: 22 March, 2018, 08:56:51 pm »
Eventually we replaced them with motors mounted on the gates themselves.

Wowbagger

  • Former Sylph
    • Stuff mostly about weather
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #379 on: 22 March, 2018, 09:10:31 pm »
In Waitrose, two staff members in conversation at an adjacent till...

"He's really quite ill. He's got a cyst which started as an ingrowing hair. I think all men should keep their backs free of hair."
Quote from: Dez
It doesn’t matter where you start. Just start.

Jaded

  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #380 on: 22 March, 2018, 09:29:36 pm »
The buffet car announcement this afternoon.

"We've got tea, coffee, and a selection of Russian Made sandwiches"

after the third announcement I realised the sandwiches were freshly made. Obviously I had avoided them.
It is simpler than it looks.

rogerzilla

  • When n+1 gets out of hand
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #381 on: 22 March, 2018, 09:48:44 pm »
The receptionist at the vet trying to explain to a caller why his/her dog had its lipstick out despite having been "done"  ;D
Hard work sometimes pays off in the end, but laziness ALWAYS pays off NOW.

rogerzilla

  • When n+1 gets out of hand
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #382 on: 22 March, 2018, 09:52:17 pm »
Eventually we replaced them with motors mounted on the gates themselves.
If you were properly posh, you'd have a liveried man to operate them, none of this chavvy motorised shit.
Hard work sometimes pays off in the end, but laziness ALWAYS pays off NOW.

T42

  • Apprentice geezer
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #383 on: 23 March, 2018, 09:17:43 am »
Or at least a wrinkled retainer.
I've dusted off all those old bottles and set them up straight

Andrij

  • Андрій
  • Ερασιτεχνικός μισάνθρωπος
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #384 on: 15 June, 2018, 10:00:15 pm »
Last night, outside Tower Hill Station:
[fx:American accent] Oh, look - a castle.

This evening, Upper Thames Street:
Bagpipes (a recording of) blaring from a white van.  As I pulled alongside, I spied a pair of squaddies in the cab.
;D  Andrij.  I pronounce you Complete and Utter GIT   :thumbsup:

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #385 on: 15 June, 2018, 10:04:13 pm »
"YES!  YES!  GO ON!  YESSS!"

Either someone's having great sex, or there was sportsball on.


Also some drunken zombies singing along to the ice cream van.

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #386 on: 18 June, 2018, 02:57:14 pm »
Heard in the head. Whilst reseaching family history came across a victorian poor house record referring to an inmate previously working as a 'Lurry boy'. Anyone that knows the local dialect will understand where that came from. Made me chuckle.
Get a bicycle. You will never regret it, if you live- Mark Twain

Torslanda

  • Professional Gobshite
  • Just a tart for retro kit . . .
    • John's Bikes
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #387 on: 18 June, 2018, 04:35:23 pm »
Common around Middleton/Bury/Oldham/Rochdale. Even as recently as the 1960s when the local paper printed a story which referred to a local carrier as a 'lurry firm'. My mother was outraged - as she was wont to be - and berated the paper's editor, who happened to be the next door neighbour.

We never 'got our ball back' all that Summer...
VELOMANCER

Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.

Basil

  • Um....err......oh bugger!
  • Help me!
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #388 on: 21 June, 2018, 10:13:17 pm »
Bloke in pub.  "It's the longest day today."
Woman in pub "Yeah, I know.  It's been bloody going on forever."


I suppose if you're having a bad day, today is not the best day to have it.
Admission.  I'm actually not that fussed about cake.

TheLurker

  • Goes well with magnolia.
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #389 on: 22 June, 2018, 05:42:01 am »
Programmer says "You don't go changing code just for the sake of changing it"

REALLY? No, I'm fully aware that you lot only change code:
A) when it doesn't work
B) when somebody else wrote it and you know you could write a more elegant method
C) to add a new feature

Um, reason B. What does that sound like?

That sounds like an experienced programmer talking.  You forgot D) - When the code was written by the Office Idiot.  Which I grant you does sound like a variation of B), but, trust me, it really is not.  See Computing Rants passim
Τα πιο όμορφα ταξίδια γίνονται με τις δικές μας δυνάμεις - Φίλοι του Ποδήλατου

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #390 on: 24 June, 2018, 01:55:05 pm »
Riding past a toddler on his balance bike "mum, what's that?" with lots of pointing at man on funny bike.
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

Beardy

  • Shedist
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #391 on: 24 June, 2018, 03:33:41 pm »
Riding past a toddler on his balance bike "mum, what's that?" with lots of pointing at funny man on bike.
FTFY 😁 ;D
For every complex problem in the world, there is a simple and easily understood solution that’s wrong.

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #392 on: 11 July, 2018, 10:04:09 pm »
There's a theme to the snippets from the drunken zombies as they shuffle past my window...

"..that's what I'm saying - everyone's like 'it's coming home! it's coming home'..."

"...what would be more impressive, like, hashtag..."

"And now we have to walk up this hill!  HOW COULD THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE!?!"  (followed by howling noises a minute or so later as he got to the steep bit)

"I don't want to, er, I don't want to have to deal with it any more..."

Torslanda

  • Professional Gobshite
  • Just a tart for retro kit . . .
    • John's Bikes
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #393 on: 12 July, 2018, 10:40:08 pm »
Ch*v 'family' walking past the shop this aft.

Mother to offspring, 'Oi! Mind your fucking language!' I. Shit. You. Not.

Welcome to Middleton...
VELOMANCER

Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #394 on: 13 July, 2018, 01:42:40 pm »
That's about normal for Middleton or their relatives in the dizzy depths of Salford where I am.

meddyg

  • 'You'll have had your tea?'
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #395 on: 13 July, 2018, 09:09:13 pm »
I nearly weighted into some lads on a train in Neath for using the F-word liberally in the
carriage where our kids and plenty of others were in earshot.

Spouse (sensibly) stopped me.
Now I think it's gonna be as mild a 'feck' in Ireland.

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #396 on: 20 July, 2018, 04:40:05 pm »
Whilst passing a local-ish tattoo emporium I noted two individuals sitting outside and smoking. Says she to him “I want a realistic pig on my chest”......  :o
We are making a New World (Paul Nash, 1918)

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #397 on: 15 November, 2018, 03:35:06 pm »
Man in Waitrose boozahol aisle

"i'm never buying that brand. He makes enough out of his health clubs as it is"

Pointing at a bottle of Ballantynes whisky
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: Overheard today
« Reply #398 on: 20 November, 2018, 02:37:45 pm »
"Have you heard the other theory about what happened to her, the woman who died?"
"No."
"As soon as you hear it, you'll think it sounds crazy, but a little research shows it's quite possible. They reckon she was attacked by an owl."
"An owl?"
"Yes. Apparently they're heavy enough and there are plenty in that area... "

I didn't hear any more so have no idea quite how an owl could have killed a person, let alone who, where or when.
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

Re: Overheard today
« Reply #399 on: 20 November, 2018, 03:17:32 pm »
This may be a reference to the infamous Michael Peterson murder case; Peterson's wife Kathleen was found dead at the bottom of a large staircase. IIRC one of the defence arguments there was that instead of having been hit with a blunt object and pushed down the stairs, she might have been outside, attacked by a large owl, run back inside and tripped on the stairs. Wikipedia (of course) has the full run-down.