How do you make scrambled eggs?

[Mr Larrington]

(Sings)
I adventured for a fortnight in the valley of the Rhone
Defied capricious mistrals on which tragedies are blown
Dismounting at the roadside to lubricate my chain
I heard the hounds of retribution barking their refrain:
Let’s go the Met Bar, and cause an altercation
Let’s go the Groucho, and snap at rakish heels

[citoyen]

Do it on the tables.
Quaglino's place or Mabel's.

[ian]

I've only eaten in the original Ivy the once, and a quick bit of mental calculation tells me that was 25 years ago. Ouch.

I remember that we managed to get a table at very short notice, despite non-celeb status, which would be unimaginable these days. Christopher Biggins was holding court with a group of thesp chums at the next table.

I don't do well with faces, alas, so I don't have any fame stories. It used to be a favourite haunt of my boss at the time, a rather old-school publisher of a certain age who firmly believed lunch should start by leaving the office at 11.30 am and not finish before three and to which the answer to the question 'another bottle of wine' was always 'well, I don't see why not, do you?'

[citoyen]

Oh the days of lunches like that... and if it was a client taking you to lunch, it would be extremely rude to refuse to have another bottle.

As well as C.Biggins, that dinner at the Ivy also saw Kenneth Baker plus cronies at another table, Nanette Newman and Bryan Forbes enjoying a romantic dinner together, and Peter Ackroyd accompanied by someone I can only assume was a young researcher in his employ. Probably others, but like I said, it was 25 years ago and I'm amazed I can even remember that much.

I'm sure the producers of TV panel shows used to just pick their celebs from whoever was dining at the Ivy on a given night. It's probably all Instagram influencers these days.

[hatler]

From the era when one London Weekend Television exec was allegedly heard to comment to an assistant -"Whatever you do, please never arrange a meeting on a Wednesday, that screws up both weekends."

[ian]

Oh the days of lunches like that... and if it was a client taking you to lunch, it would be extremely rude to refuse to have another bottle.

As well as C.Biggins, that dinner at the Ivy also saw Kenneth Baker plus cronies at another table, Nanette Newman and Bryan Forbes enjoying a romantic dinner together, and Peter Ackroyd accompanied by someone I can only assume was a young researcher in his employ. Probably others, but like I said, it was 25 years ago and I'm amazed I can even remember that much.

I'm sure the producers of TV panel shows used to just pick their celebs from whoever was dining at the Ivy on a given night. It's probably all Instagram influencers these days.

With COVID, I've forgotten what eating out is like. I dined well in that job, not only were there lunches with the boss (she conducted all business over lunch, I think not unreasonably, she spent all her time in the office sleeping off those lunches). As part of that job, I had to wine and dine prominent medics from the Royal Colleges. You can't just take them to Chicken Cottage, apparently. Even the meetings in the office came, not with a bottle of mineral water, but a case of fine wine. As a parsimonious former academic with a flat-share in Shepherd's Bush, who's idea of a posh cocktail was supermarket-brand vodka mixed with Tizer, for whom a fine wine involved an outlay of up to £4.99, and a night out always ended with an Uxbridge Road kebab, it was quite interesting.

Mind you, the salary was so shit, I might have starved were it not for Claridges. Plus I got to take home any spare wine.

[T42]

WRT the original topic, my method of making scrambled eggs is to say to MrsT "how about some scrambled eggs?" and, around 10 minutes later, there they are.

[citoyen]

WRT the original topic, my method of making scrambled eggs is to say to MrsT "how about some scrambled eggs?" and, around 10 minutes later, there they are.

Old school. 

[citoyen]

As there is more than one way to cook an egg and because it is Friday, for breakfast today I made fried eggs. A rare treat - haven't had fried eggs for such a long time, just fancied them today. Served on sourdough toast with properly crisped smoked streaky bacon and a big dollop of ketchup.

Ian's law applies here as much as anywhere - for the best fried eggs, you need lots of butter. The eggs should almost be swimming in butter. And the pan should be hotter than for scrambled eggs but not so hot that you end up with burnt crispy bits (unless you like burnt crispy bits, I suppose - I hear some people do). Keep basting the eggs during cooking, spooning over the foaming butter, so the top isn't still raw by the time the bottom is cooked (no need to flip them though). Take them out of the pan as soon as the whites are fully opaque and the yolks are starting to look set round the edge but still runny in the middle.

Cholesterol-tastic.

[ian]

You need a bit of crispy around the edge of the white. But not too much. And yes, enough butter to splash over to top to the cook your eggs properly sunny-side up and soak into the toast when you serve. For god's sake, don't use olive oil.

I think I may now stick some fried eggs atop the DIY burgers I'm planning for our tea.

[citoyen]

You need a bit of crispy around the edge of the white. But not too much.

A slight crisping round the edges is fine, but I'm really not a fan of the classic greasy spoon frazzled egg.

I think I may now stick some fried eggs atop the DIY burgers I'm planning for our tea.

As well as the bacon and cheese, I hope!

[Ham]

Ah, fried eggs. Here, I have a secret weapon.

Many years ago I picked up a herb mill in a french market in Provence, rather like this https://carolineenprovence.com/epicerie-salee/371-moulin-a-herbes-en-bois-d-olivier.html - ground over the egg and into the butter in the pan, it lifts it to the next level.

[citoyen]

Ah, fried eggs. Here, I have a secret weapon.

Many years ago I picked up a herb mill in a french market in Provence, rather like this https://carolineenprovence.com/epicerie-salee/371-moulin-a-herbes-en-bois-d-olivier.html - ground over the egg and into the butter in the pan, it lifts it to the next level.

Nice. 

I just have black pepper on mine. (No need for salt if you're having them with bacon.)

[ian]

It may shock, even as a former resident of the American colonies, my preference is to exclude bacon from my burger¹.

It will feature cheese though. And so much Frank's hot wing sauce that I have to eat it with a towel on my head².

¹as a double horror, it'll be a chicken burger, as the other one doesn't eat red meat, don't ask.

²because I damaged the nerves in my head, if I eat anything hot and sour, I erupt like a sweaty Old Faithful. I have to be careful in curry restaurants, I'd wear a turban but they'd think I was taking the piss.

[citoyen]

Reminds me of the time I went to a TexMex place where they served habañero chillies as nibbles. Not only did they make me sweat profusely, they made my lips and nose go completely numb for several hours.

[ian]

It's not so much the heat, I have to be wary about vinegar and anything sour. But I love buffalo wings and they need a vinegar kick. I'd make proper buffalo sauce but it involves more butter than I even I dare countenance.

[Ginger Cat]

Exactly. Poached eggs are a strong argument for keeping your own chickens.

I used to think that, but we buy our eggs from the house down the road, and not only are the shells a lot more fragile than commercial eggs, on occasions the whites are terribly watery and disperse like paint in the poaching water - to which I always add a dash of vinegar.

I used to try the swirl method in a saucepan, but recently have had more success using a frying pan filled with water, brought to a simmer, and gently lowering the eggs in from a small bowl. I do three at one that way.

Poached eggs are a bit of a knack. At the start of lockdown I, I set myself the task of becoming generally proficient and consistent at poaching eggs and mostly succeeded. Here's my tips/method:

- it helps if the eggs are reasonably fresh. It helps even more if you use duck eggs (and who wouldn't want to as the joy of a poached egg is that wonderful runny yolk into which one can dip grilled bacon or buttered home-made sourdough bread...............)

- you need a decent amount of water in the pan and a load of salt. I use about a litre of water in a medium-size pan for 2 duck eggs. Get it to a good stable boil- not too vigorous but bubbling steadily

- put a splash of white vinegar into a cup then break the egg into it. Swirl a little so the vinegar mixes with the white. Use a cup (the sort you drink from not an egg-cup  ) for each egg- I have 2 cups so I can put the eggs in one after the other so cooking time is consistent for both.

- when putting them in the pan, you don't need any swirling. You slide them in, with half the cup going under water, then use a fork to gently flick/lift the congealing white around the yolk. If you've got plenty salt in the water plus a dash of vinegar in the cup they should congeal readily. 

- let the water heat again and start to seethe then knock the heat right down and let the water simmer. Vigourous boiling will make the white go a bit hairy (DAMHIKT).

- I do large hens eggs for 3.5 minutes and duck eggs for 4 minutes.

- lift out with a slotted spoon- I find an Ikea pasta server is ideal. Be very careful to fully support the yolk so it doesn't rupture. Place them onto some kitchen paper in a bowl and fold the ends of the paper over, leave for a minute or so to dry and continue to cook a little whilst you rinse out the pan and place the bacon/bread on the serving plate.

- lift out the eggs (I use my hands) and put onto serving plate.

- Enjoy!

I do poached eggs 5 out of 7 days on average and it's a while since I have had problems. The egg white can vary during the year anyway if you get eggs from a small organic producer, I've noticed with the duck eggs I get the white varies and so does the shell strength. I've not have an issue poaching with this method though.

You'll know if the egg is fresh by seeing how big the air pocket is at the top- if it's small the egg is fresh, it's just the whites may be seasonally varying.

Finally- it's all about temperature control. My gas hob was OK, but it's even easier on the induction hob.

GC

[Basil]

Thanks GC.  I followed your instructions to the letter.  I finally do descent poached eggs.

[Mr Larrington]

Thanks GC.  I followed your instructions to the letter.  I finally do descent poached eggs.

The start of a slippery slope…

[ScumOfTheRoad]

Thankyou for the tip of not using milk i scrambled eff, as I have been doing for years. I now melt some butter or butter/oil spread in the micor then whisk the eggs in. Microwave for two minutes and they are lovely.  The addition of some blue cheese makes a tasty alternative too.

[Cudzoziemiec]

Mine this morning included onion, because onion is good with everything, and rice, because there was just a suitable amount of rice left over from last night in the fridge. Quite filling!

[Jakob]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONYflj0I2QI

Just found this..will have to try it!

[Jaded]

Looks like a cocked up omelette.

[citoyen]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONYflj0I2QI

Just found this..will have to try it!

That looks fun. I do like the sound of scrambled eggs with char siu pork.

Not sure about adding that much salt and msg though.

[L CC]

Meh. I'd rather have a decent omelette or proper scrambled eggs.