the food rant thread

[Mr Larrington]

Wouldn't a shovel be wrought, as opposed to milled? Only asking, like...

Only inferior non-Jerry-built ha ha shovels

[jsabine]

Wouldn't a shovel be wrought, as opposed to milled? Only asking, like...

Only inferior non-Jerry-built ha ha shovels

I *really* didn't realise that there was such a thing as a ha-ha shovel

[T42]

Used to be that they were forged in dedicated stamping-mills.

http://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/pattersons-spade-mill

[Jurek]

Wouldn't a shovel be wrought, as opposed to milled? Only asking, like...

Only inferior non-Jerry-built ha ha shovels

I *really* didn't realise that there was such a thing as a ha-ha shovel

Had you not considered what was used to dig the ha-ha at Ha-Ha Road? 

[contango]

I'm glad I can't drink coffee. I might end up as up my own arse as much as all you coffee snobs.

Getting up your own arse can be very lucrative. You can mine what you find and sell it to Charbucks.

[contango]

Ignoring the two minutes it takes for the machine to warm up, it takes <1 minute to knock out a decent, milky coffee.

I didn't realise you needed to let a Nespresso warm up.

Some coffee makers (I never owned a Nespresso because, well...) will remain warm indefinitely but I'd be surprised if very many of them didn't have an energy saving mode that shut down the heater to, well, save energy. Depending on just how the machine heats the water it could take a reasonable amount of energy to keep the heating block warm, which is a bit of a waste if you've drunk the one coffee you plan on having that morning and won't be back from work for another 10 hours.

My (sadly now defunct) bean-to-cup machine could warm up, and make me a fresh cup of coffee faster than I could boil the kettle and make a cup of instant. I miss my old Gaggia.

[Mr Larrington]

My old one would stay on all day if left unattended but the new one contends that if the hotplate stays on for more than about two hours the coffee will taste like diesel and therefore to discourage the hapless user from partaking of this brew it will switch off.  The only way to override this is to frob the on/off switch before it times out.  I do not mind if it tastes like diesel a bit stewed and would very much like the stupid machine to take note of my preferences.

Bah!

[pcolbeck]

EU rules say all new coffee machines must have auto switch off hot plates.
Sine the hot plate stews the coffee fairly quickly it's not a bad thing. What you want is a thermos jug instead, keeps the coffee hot without stewing it.

[CAMRAMan]

My Gaggia Classic, bought last year, rather annoyingly switches itself off too quickly for my liking. I like to heat my cups on the top of it for 15-20 mins and give the portafilter time to heat up, but I have to keep an eye on it now and switch it back on again.

[ian]

You have no idea how many hours and miles of my life have been wasted by me having to go back home because I can't remember switching the damn coffee machine off. Hence I only get the thermos jug ones now. The one I have keeps the coffee warm for a good four or five hours (I make three mugs worth for my morning caffeination, afternoons are for tea, and evenings for gin).

[contango]

My old one would stay on all day if left unattended but the new one contends that if the hotplate stays on for more than about two hours the coffee will taste like diesel and therefore to discourage the hapless user from partaking of this brew it will switch off.  The only way to override this is to frob the on/off switch before it times out.  I do not mind if it tastes like diesel a bit stewed and would very much like the stupid machine to take note of my preferences.

Bah!

EU rules say all new coffee machines must have auto switch off hot plates.
Sine the hot plate stews the coffee fairly quickly it's not a bad thing. What you want is a thermos jug instead, keeps the coffee hot without stewing it.

So the solution is probably a mains timer that switches the thing off at 7:59, 9:59, 11:59 etc and back on again at 8:00, 10:00, 12:00 etc. It's unlikely to go cold in the 60 seconds the heater is switched off and so will slowly burn until it tastes like diesel. Alternatively you could just go to Charbucks and buy some beans that got nuked in a roaster somewhere.

[ElyDave]

Small mokka pot, makes just enough for one, I'm the only coffee drinker in general residence.

Thrmos mug, can keep it warm for hours.

Coffee is from a local supplier, roasted less than two miles from home

[Tigerrr]

I have a suspicion that elevation of the menial job of making coffee to barista is a product of the surplus of so called graduates with no actual skills or career prospects. This serving working in a caff and serving hot beverages has been made into a career option. Similar has happened with burger flipping and sandwich making.

[ElyDave]

I have an Italian colleague, and the conversation after dinner moved to the role of coffee in Italian society. I'm an espresso man through and through, sometimes with double cream, never a cappuccino, even for breakfast.

We discussed the "machines" as well, me having very limited kitchen space that would be very difficult. She was emphatic, all Italians use the humble mokka pot in the kitchen. Good enough for me.

[contango]

I have a suspicion that elevation of the menial job of making coffee to barista is a product of the surplus of so called graduates with no actual skills or career prospects. This serving working in a caff and serving hot beverages has been made into a career option. Similar has happened with burger flipping and sandwich making.

... and if you're trying to chat someone up you only have to tweak the pronunciation from "barista" slightly in the hope they will hear "barrister".

It reminds me of the old saying that the science graduate asks "why does it work?", the mechanical engineering graduate asks "how does it work?", the financial engineering graduate asks "how much will it cost?" and the liberal arts graduate asks "do you want fries with it?"

[madcow]

Exactly. It's possible to like both. I hang around with enough full-on coffee geeks (one of my good friends is a full time barista at an indie coffee place and is about as nerdy about it as some people here are about [obscure bike topic]) but if someone makes me a cup of instant, that's fine too.

Ditto-daughter's boyfriend is Drinks Manager for a company which owns a humungous number of restaurants .(UK based and pay U.K taxes before you start. )
 He can tell you the exact temperature that each drink needs to be served at , the time it takes for various grades of coffee to reach perfection in a caffetiere, ad infinitum.
But the best figure he comes out with is how much profit they can extract from selling one cup of coffee to the coffee nerds .
Multiply that by literally millions of cups per year and you see why it is to the benefit of the coffee industry to keep bigging up the status of the brown liquid.
In fact, I think there is definitely a "coffee cult " which is expressed in people buying coffee e.g at the station, when they have just left home ,where they could have made a perfectly good cup of coffee for pennies but choose to spend a couple of quid on a cardboard cup full.   Madness , they call it madness.

[ian]

I buy my coffee from the station when I'm getting the train – it's an independent place and I'd rather give them my cash than the usual chains. It gives me a good twenty extra minutes in bed and let's me drink the coffee at my leisure on the train rather than having to chug it down and run out the door. Mornings are a stormy ocean, and caffeine is my life raft.

[fuzzy]

I buy my coffee from the station when I'm getting the train – it's an independent place and I'd rather give them my cash than the usual chains. It gives me a good twenty extra minutes in bed and let's me drink the coffee at my leisure on the train rather than having to chug it down and run out the door. Mornings are a stormy ocean, and caffeine is my life raft.

Alternatively, set a routine where getting the brew going is an early task then pour into an insulated cup and take it with you. Your coffee, the way you like it at far less expense to yourself. By the end of the year you have probably saved enough money for N+1.

[Tigerrr]

The coffee nerd is as nothing to the wine nerd though. If you really want to cash in then high end wine and spirits offers truly astounding margins. Coffee nerds are quite a low status form of cash mug compared to what goes on in wine.

[CAMRAMan]

My Monsoon Malabar beans cost £4.50 for 1/2lb. I get about 10-12 cups out of each bag, so c.35p a cup. Adding the overhead for the machine and the electricity, say 50p a cup for something infinitely better than the mainstream coffee shops offer at >4 times the price. Plus, I actually enjoy the ritual of grinding the beans, tamping them and staring at my naked portafilter bottom as the juices flow. I spose Nescafe would be 10p a cup, but where's the fun (& flavour) in that?

[L CC]

(click to show/hide)

My stupidly overpriced Teapigs 'tea temples' are 18p a cup for the mint and 23p for ginger. And there's not even any goddamn caffeine. As well as the opportunity for ridicule, as it's beyond lesbian.

There's one born every minute.

[Cudzoziemiec]

At least if you're drinking lesbian tea you get to eat lesbian biscuits. Except you probably don't because they're full of carbs. In any case you'd need beyond lesbian biscuits – I really don't know what they'd be!

[Cudzoziemiec]

Ok, four minutes later and I've found the "beyond lesbian biscuits": http://www.thisisbiscuit.co.uk/contact-us/

[Pingu]

My Monsoon Malabar beans cost £4.50 for 1/2lb. I get about 10-12 cups out of each bag...

Only 10-12 cups? Really?

[Kim]

Ok, four minutes later and I've found the "beyond lesbian biscuits": http://www.thisisbiscuit.co.uk/contact-us/

I could have told you about that.  It's surprisingly low in carbs.