A random thread for food things that don't really warrant a thread of their own

[Cudzoziemiec]

Forgetting the paddle is a mistake you only make once. My once was several years ago. I usually make wholemeal, or occasionally a mix, but had run out of wholemeal flour.

[Kim]

Forgetting the paddle is a mistake you only make once.

This is true, but in my case has been aided considerably over the years by the paddle getting jammed in place so hard that application of the Reasonable Adjustment Mole Grips™ and harsh language wouldn't shift it.  I did however make up for it by forgetting the yeast^[1] on at least two occasions.

That said, we got a shiny new (and much better quality) bread machine to celebrate my significant birthday the timely demise of the paddle bearing on the old one, so I'm looking forward to making that mistake again at some point...


_{[1] Anyone for Dwarf Bread?}

[Cudzoziemiec]

Oh yeah, happy [surely Kim can't be that yoldung]! I generally soak the paddle in the tin unless it comes out with the bread, tearing a big hole in it, which happens a lot. The machine was only £12 from a chazzer, so GVFM really. Though as MrsCudzo has pointed out, Joe's Bakery sells decent bread for 75p a loaf (yesterday's), which is probably less than I'm spending on flour, oil and elect tricks; but you do have to get there early and obviously none on Mondays.

[T42]

MrsT bought a bread machine some years ago, quite a pricey one IIRC.  It also left big holes in the bread but its main defect was that the crust was always like Kevlar.  Nowadays she has a stone slab for kneading on* and a "bread stone" that came with the oven: much better.

* in default of which you could always nip round to the cemetery, I suppose.

[orienteer]

Can't compare home-made bread (even using a machine) with mass produced pap, full of additives including parrafin wax.

[T42]

We usually have MrsT's bread, although our village baker produces some excellent stuff, including a dark malty whole-grain loaf that's only available at the weekend, and on order at that.  Dunno how he survives, since there aren't that many families in the village.

[Kim]

We usually have MrsT's bread, although our village baker produces some excellent stuff, including a dark malty whole-grain loaf that's only available at the weekend, and on order at that.

That's because you're in French France, where they have pleasingly un-BRITISH ideas about baked goods.

[T42]

They're not much cop on bacon butties, though.

[The French Tandem]

We usually have MrsT's bread, although our village baker produces some excellent stuff, including a dark malty whole-grain loaf that's only available at the weekend, and on order at that.

That's because you're in French France, where they have pleasingly un-BRITISH ideas about baked goods.

I beg to differ with you, Mrs Kim. Mr T42 is in Alsatian France, where people have german-ish ideas about what food is supposed to taste like, and the sort of dark malty bread he describes is a good example of that. The bread you can buy from local bakers in our bit of central France is depressingly bland and unpalatable. The only decent bread we buy regularly is that produced by our much appreciated german bakers, I mean Mr Lidl & Mr Aldi.

A

[T42]

I've been here so long I'd forgotten that not everywhere is as blessed.  We had a decent baker near Paris, though, conventional but good quality.  When we walked round there half a baguette usually got eaten on the way home.

[Quint]

I bake my own breads (Pittas/Tortilla/Baguette always doing it when I have other things to do while it's proving, always use my hands (never understood bread machines) it's good relaxation in this daft old world we live in and if I need to borrow a tool or something from next door I cross the neighbours palm with (what else) Bread 

[T42]

And as that woman on the bus was heard to say, aren't your hands wonderfully clean after kneading dough?

[Quint]

Black Rye on chain cleaning day 🤣

[T42]

The bread you can buy from local bakers in our bit of central France is depressingly bland and unpalatable. The only decent bread we buy regularly is that produced by our much appreciated german bakers, I mean Mr Lidl & Mr Aldi.

A

Does the Banette franchise stretch to your neck of the woods?  They produce a pain viking which is fairly good.  Of course, they might only do it for Alsace...

[The French Tandem]

And as that woman on the bus was heard to say, aren't your hands wonderfully clean after kneading dough?

That's horrible! I will never eat homemade bread again!

[The French Tandem]

The bread you can buy from local bakers in our bit of central France is depressingly bland and unpalatable. The only decent bread we buy regularly is that produced by our much appreciated german bakers, I mean Mr Lidl & Mr Aldi.

A

Does the Banette franchise stretch to your neck of the woods?  They produce a pain viking which is fairly good.  Of course, they might only do it for Alsace...

We do have banette bakers around here, but I reckon the quality is quite variable from one region to another, or maybe from one baker to another.

[rafletcher]

And as that woman on the bus was heard to say, aren't your hands wonderfully clean after kneading dough?

Ah yes.  My father was a WW2 submariner. They always knew when there was plum duff on the menu, as the cook had clean hands....

[T42]

The missus is drinking sexist 'tea'.  "Women's Tea" it says on the wee envelope round the bag. "Yes," she says. "They do a Men's Tea as well, it's got chillis in it."

[Cudzoziemiec]

There are various brands of "tea" which claim to be especially health-promoting for either women, men or children. They are all, of course, "lesbian teas".

[andyoxon]

How does Tescos manage to sell British Cox apples that have no real flavour, and are so hard they're difficult to eat.   

[T42]

There are various brands of "tea" which claim to be especially health-promoting for either women, men or children. They are all, of course, "lesbian teas".

Oh, I hope not.

[Kim]

There's also chamomile, which takes your mind off period pain by tasting like pondwater.

[Cudzoziemiec]

There are various brands of "tea" which claim to be especially health-promoting for either women, men or children. They are all, of course, "lesbian teas".

Oh, I hope not.

Definitely. If you drink Men's Tea for six months, you'll start wearing dungarees and Doc Martens, get a cropped haircut and only employ a female plumber.

[T42]

Looking at Herrentee and Frauentee on Google, for Herrentee the first results are for rather nice-looking real tea from Ceylon and China, whereas for Frauentee they're all for hairball herbal concoctions described with such terms as ayurveda, yogi, wellbeing, etc., and most of the packets are pink.

Aye well.

[Cudzoziemiec]

I suppose all teas are herbal really, but not all herbal drinks are really tea.