Author Topic: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language) (Read 2963957 times)

Wowbagger · « **Reply #11425 on:** 24 August, 2011, 07:05:10 pm »

Portsmouth! From a visiting cyclists' point of view you are a total fucking disaster! I thought Southend was bad but at least it has the excuse that no-one has any reason to go there. I've come to the conclusion that the only reason Vern and Clare spend so much time abroad is that they haven't found their way home yet.

Clare · « **Reply #11426 on:** 24 August, 2011, 07:19:26 pm »

So, not found the way from the ferry terminal to the train station yet then?

Did you try the cycle path under the Rudmore roundabout? If so the S&S couplings come into their own at each end of the subway!

Arch · « **Reply #11427 on:** 24 August, 2011, 07:22:53 pm »

Quote from: Wowbagger on 24 August, 2011, 07:05:10 pm

Portsmouth! From a visiting cyclists' point of view you are a total fucking disaster! I thought Southend was bad but at least it has the excuse that no-one has any reason to go there. I've come to the conclusion that the only reason Vern and Clare spend so much time abroad is that they haven't found their way home yet.

Coming back from France last year, a friend and I did a lap of Portsmouth, and ended up back the ferry port. I suggested we just get back on the next boat out...

interzen · « **Reply #11428 on:** 24 August, 2011, 07:25:18 pm »

Quote from: Arch on 24 August, 2011, 07:22:53 pm

Quote from: Wowbagger on 24 August, 2011, 07:05:10 pm
Portsmouth! From a visiting cyclists' point of view you are a total fucking disaster! I thought Southend was bad but at least it has the excuse that no-one has any reason to go there. I've come to the conclusion that the only reason Vern and Clare spend so much time abroad is that they haven't found their way home yet.

Coming back from France last year, a friend and I did a lap of Portsmouth, and ended up back the ferry port. I suggested we just get back on the next boat out...

Pretty much the same thing happened to me back in 1999 when I came home from the SemFed in Rennes. Not only did I get horrendously lost looking for the YH in Cosham, but come twatwaffle in a BMW tried to turn me into axle-dressing within about 30 seconds of me getting off the ferry.

With the benefit of hindsight, getting the next boat back to France would have been a wise move.

Clare · « **Reply #11429 on:** 24 August, 2011, 07:35:55 pm »

The ferryport is ideally situated if you are driving, it is at the end of the M275 and therefore keeps stressed up car drivers with family and caravan in tow away from the actual city. Unfortunately the powers that were didn't consider other access methods. For future reference the best train station to get to/from is Fratton.
From the ferryport ignore ALL cycle path signs, head towards Portsmouth and Southsea to get out of the port, at the entrance to the port is the Rudmore roundabout, take the third exit (ignoring the no entry off slip from the motorway), should be signed for Fratton and maybe Buckland but there is a chain hotel on it (I think Premier Inn but not sure), at the end of the road turn right, straight on for a mile or so, just as the road rises for the rail bridge turn left onto the access road for Fratton station.

citoyen · « **Reply #11430 on:** 24 August, 2011, 07:37:30 pm »

Motherfucking printers.

Stupid fucking IT department upgraded us to CS4 a couple of weeks ago but neglected to update our printer drivers at the same time, so it's now pot luck whether your page comes out landscape or portrait, colour or black & white, A4 or A3...

I thought I was going to be able to have left work an hour ago.

And the pleasant summer's evening that was looking ideal for a post-work ride is fast disappearing over the horizon and turning into night.

<weeps inconsolably>

d.

Wowbagger · « **Reply #11431 on:** 24 August, 2011, 07:59:43 pm »

Re Portsmouth. My unerring sense of direction took us rapidly to Portsmouth Harbour where we had time to dismantle the tandem and put it on a train. However, the legality of my route choice was subservient to our desire to get home.

Clare · « **Reply #11432 on:** 24 August, 2011, 08:17:05 pm »

If that involved the erm, cycle path, cunningly disguised as a badly surfaced, way too narrow pedestrian footway around the outside of the naval dockyard it is the "official" route for cyclists.

Shame you didn't get to see the seafront cycle path.

rusky · « **Reply #11433 on:** 24 August, 2011, 08:45:04 pm »

Went to meed a good friend who was in need of cheering up last night.

Just as I was going to lock the bike to a sheffield stand (one on every corner, so well done council!) I noticed it wasn't actually anchored to the ground & could be lifted out! Explains why it was empty!

If you are going to install loads of sheffield stands, make sure they are anchored!

fuzzy · « **Reply #11434 on:** 25 August, 2011, 09:47:22 am »

Dear Farceilities Management.

When the previous boiler died the wet steamy hard water indeced death that it did, the idea of installing a water softner to prevent future occurences was somewhat inspired.

The idea of installing a water meter to monitor the water use so that you could install the correct capacity water softner was not only inspred, it was genius.

Failing to monitor the meter and not installing a softner was this- fucking inept.

This inept failure has resulted in the replacement boiler also falling victim to the wet steamy hard water induced death.

Cool showers in the summer are a pleasant experience but, a week of mains water temperature showers is getting fucking tedious.

Regulator · « **Reply #11435 on:** 25 August, 2011, 09:56:40 am »

I thought occifers of the lah were supposed to be 'men of extraordinary phelgm'...

HTFU you wimp!

David Martin · « **Reply #11436 on:** 25 August, 2011, 09:59:56 am »

OI ITV4. When one tunes in to watch the highlights of the days race, it is normally a good idea to keep some element of suspense rather than showing a clip of the winner crossing the line *in the opening credits*.
PPGM indeed.

rower40 · « **Reply #11437 on:** 25 August, 2011, 10:15:47 am »

Where the F**K is my Driving Licence?

I go on holiday in a week, and I've booked a hire car. I forsee no end of hassle if I don't find it, and have to spend the entire holiday on various buses and bikes.

And hire car company; at least have the courtesy to answer the phone.

And work; why is the hire car company's number (in fact all numbers starting 0843) barred?

And mobile telco; why do I have such poor phone coverage in my office, meaning that my calls to hire car company often get cut off?

And breathe.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #11438 on:** 25 August, 2011, 10:32:42 am »

Quote from: citoyen on 24 August, 2011, 07:37:30 pm

Motherfucking printers.

Stupid fucking IT department upgraded us to CS4 a couple of weeks ago but neglected to update our printer drivers at the same time, so it's now pot luck whether your page comes out landscape or portrait, colour or black & white, A4 or A3...

I thought I was going to be able to have left work an hour ago.

And the pleasant summer's evening that was looking ideal for a post-work ride is fast disappearing over the horizon and turning into night.

<weeps inconsolably>

d.

citoyen, have you considered murdering 99% of your cow-orkers and then burning down the building with the bodies inside? Or becoming a monk?

David Martin · « **Reply #11439 on:** 25 August, 2011, 10:35:41 am »

Quote from: rower40 on 25 August, 2011, 10:15:47 am

Where the F**K is my Driving Licence?

Is it illegal to have a spare copy of your driving license in your desk drawer because you mislaid it, needed a new one, paid the money and then found the original?

Just asking for a friend, like...

ian · « **Reply #11440 on:** 25 August, 2011, 10:53:08 am »

Quote from: citoyen on 24 August, 2011, 07:37:30 pm

Motherfucking printers.

Stupid fucking IT department upgraded us to CS4 a couple of weeks ago but neglected to update our printer drivers at the same time, so it's now pot luck whether your page comes out landscape or portrait, colour or black & white, A4 or A3...

I thought I was going to be able to have left work an hour ago.

And the pleasant summer's evening that was looking ideal for a post-work ride is fast disappearing over the horizon and turning into night.

<weeps inconsolably>

d.

Modern printers are the hell-spawned children of two 1980s photocopiers. You know, the ones that would always break down at some crucial juncture, forcing you to risk a limb trying to remove a stuck piece of paper. You'd be elbow deep in the grumbling innards and it would fart carcinogenic toner into your face. You'd stagger free back into the office and realise that you'd inadvertently blacked up and were subsequently doomed to a lifetime of workplace sensitivity courses.

Our blessed IT team set me up to print on a different continent, so my output appears in Philadelphia. Oddly, they claim I can't have access to the network shares in that office because it's a different network. Evidently.

Gruff · « **Reply #11441 on:** 25 August, 2011, 10:55:22 am »

Quote from: rower40 on 25 August, 2011, 10:15:47 am

Where the F**K is my Driving Licence?

I go on holiday in a week, and I've booked a hire car.

I've hired several cars/vans without having my driving license to hand. I think most hire places nowadays are plugged in to the DVLA, so they can confirm your license status without it being present.

(Assuming you're hiring/holidaying in UK, the 0843 phone number you mentioned suggests so.)

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #11442 on:** 25 August, 2011, 11:35:24 am »

Quote from: ian on 25 August, 2011, 10:53:08 am

Our blessed IT team set me up to print on a different continent, so my output appears in Philadelphia. Oddly, they claim I can't have access to the network shares in that office because it's a different network. Evidently.

We had the opposite problem. When lots of jobs in Finance and Credit Manglement were due to be teleported to Bangalore, swarms of Honest Hindoo Coolies descended on the Tower of Barad-dûr to learn the ropes, so natch they were set up to print here. When they went back to abroad, where the FOREIGNS come from, we duly set them up with printers imaginatively named BANGALORE1, BANGALORE2 and so forth. But they didn't work because their notwork admins had, deliberately and with malice aforethought, set shit up so that traffic from The System to their printers was blocked, because they are fucking idiots.

spesh · « **Reply #11443 on:** 25 August, 2011, 12:00:24 pm »

Quote from: Regulator on 25 August, 2011, 09:56:40 am

I thought occifers of the lah were supposed to be 'men of extraordinary phelgm'...

I think the problem for fuzzy is that a week of cold showers has induced an extraordinary amount of phlegm.

Pingu · « **Reply #11444 on:** 25 August, 2011, 12:27:48 pm »

Oi work! When I sort out an IS problem, which stumped IS for weeks, in a couple of days, I expect plaudits*.

Especially as I am not an IS person.

*Or beer, that would do instead of plaudits

Mrs Pingu · « **Reply #11445 on:** 25 August, 2011, 12:39:11 pm »

I'm sure you'll get plenty of wine and pastis next week dear

Tim Hall · « **Reply #11446 on:** 25 August, 2011, 01:37:19 pm »

Rudgwick Steam rally. I saw your posters as I drove about yesterday. Hmm, nice idea for the bank hollibob weekend. I got home and fired up Google.

My goodness your website is a pile of dingo's kidneys isn't it. So hard to read that I don't think I'll bother.

fuzzy · « **Reply #11447 on:** 25 August, 2011, 01:49:42 pm »

Quote from: spesh on 25 August, 2011, 12:00:24 pm

Quote from: Regulator on 25 August, 2011, 09:56:40 am
I thought occifers of the lah were supposed to be 'men of extraordinary phelgm'...

I think the problem for fuzzy is that a week of cold showers has induced an extraordinary amount of phlegm.

Lots of phlegm and have you tried to harden up under cold water- it has the opposite effect

groucho · « **Reply #11448 on:** 25 August, 2011, 03:48:51 pm »

Replacement tube, just because it was lonely in my back pocket, there was no need to induce simultaneous front and rear blow-outs on last night's chain-gang ride. However to go to the extreme of having your valve snap-off was a step too far! But even you had not considered that Huw, who had been blown out of the following group, would stop and produce two replacement tubes to get me the 10 miles home!

Arch · « **Reply #11449 on:** 25 August, 2011, 05:03:17 pm »

Quote from: Tim Hall on 25 August, 2011, 01:37:19 pm

Rudgwick Steam rally. I saw your posters as I drove about yesterday. Hmm, nice idea for the bank hollibob weekend. I got home and fired up Google.

My goodness your website is a pile of dingo's kidneys isn't it. So hard to read that I don't think I'll bother.

<google>

Gah! My eyes!

You have to assume they are better at steam, than pixels.

Go anyway. Steam fairs are fab. Where else can you enjoy the intermingled smells of cheap burger and hot engineeering oil?