Middle aged begins when you start doing middle-aged things...
I feel the need to grade myself.
like buying a house
Crap, you have me. Nearly paid for as well. And it's a palace. Of gleaming asbestos. And there's a route to Hell under the hallway floorboards.
getting a serious job
I draw kittens. Sometimes giraffes. Today I'm being abstract and drawing circles with lines coming out of them. I do get paid more than Nigel Farage and I'm possibly more useful.
a serious partner
She's not very serious but she does pull
that face when I do something especially stupid. Which is daily.
having kids
Complete failure. Hate the little proto-Hitlers.
wearing suits and ties (or their feminine equivalents)
Tidy-Haired Thought Leadership™ is something you can do in corduroy. Or a dress. I'd think prefer the latter, frocks are more stylish but with the Beard of Authority
® it might transgress the boundaries of odd.