Happy Birthday Andy Gates

[Riggers]

VHF! VHF obviously!     It's a marine communications device - a safety radio.

"Hello Coastguard, hello Coastguard, this is solo kayak in difficulties outside Kraken's Maw."
"Solo kayak this is Exmouth Coastguard.  It's you again, isn't it, Gates?"

or the future version:

"Hello solo kayak, this is Rescue Inc, 'Replacing The Coastguard With A PFI For Everyone's Benefit, Especially Our Shareholders'.  We're sorry that you are in difficulties.  To pay for a rescue by credit card, press one..."  

Or again… "Dover Coastguard Station here. Thank you for you emergency enquiry. My girlfriend gave us your number, as she got a call from her Mum down in Cornwall like. We will endeavour to be with you in approximately 14 hours. Please do… Oh, sorry, hang on. Geoff's on holiday and isn't due back until Monday, I clean forgot. It's only me on duty see. You hang in there chum, and we'll try and rustle up some sort of rescue."

"In the meantime, here's some music."

[andygates]

Time for TweetGuard.  "HALP! [location attached] #tweetguard"

On the beach, a dozen unrelated phones go ping.  One has a boat, so they pile in and head out. 

(Oh gods, I just crowdsourced a flashmob Big Society.  Buzzword bingo!)

[simonp]

Whoops!  Missed this.

Happy belated birthday Mr. Gates.