Author Topic: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread (Read 438750 times)

Kim · « **Reply #2250 on:** 11 January, 2021, 12:43:52 pm »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 11 January, 2021, 12:30:45 pm

EDF want meter readings. Clearing the TPsOC from in front of the the cupboard in which the 'leccy meter lurks is tedious, but simple. The gas meter, however, lives in a box outside. And while unlocking it I dropped the key. Into a bush. A horrible bush with horrible spiky leaves with horrible spikes on them

Naturally you'll be fitting the key with a Mk 1 bit-of-string, so that when you drop it next time it'll be extra-fun to untangle from the spikes?

The Family Cyclist · « **Reply #2251 on:** 11 January, 2021, 04:34:49 pm »

Or using long nose pliers for opening the gas cupboard

fuzzy · « **Reply #2252 on:** 11 January, 2021, 11:38:56 pm »

Magnet onna stick? Unless placcy key.

Kim · « **Reply #2253 on:** 11 January, 2021, 11:44:06 pm »

Quote from: Johnny Faro on 11 January, 2021, 04:34:49 pm

Or using long nose pliers for opening the gas cupboard

You'll still have to fish them out of the bush when you drop them, but at least you'll have something handy to pull the thorns out with...

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #2254 on:** 12 January, 2021, 12:08:20 am »

Quote from: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on 11 January, 2021, 11:38:56 pm

Magnet onna stick? Unless placcy key.

Yep, plastic. With a triangular hole in the end to prevent scratters from opening the box with pliers.

I wot not the variety of horrible spiky bush I have lurking outside the Chips Room window but my arm is still itching twelve hours later. If it's pizened me, why can't it pizen the bloody pigeons instead

Ham · « **Reply #2255 on:** 12 January, 2021, 07:54:58 am »

It's a steal for £2

Kim · « **Reply #2256 on:** 12 January, 2021, 01:30:13 pm »

I have a splendid multi-ended metaaal key for haxx0ring into miscellaneous electrical boxes for nefarious porpoises^[1]. It's currently communing with the tape measures, thobut.

_{[1] Eg. performing the arcane car park ritual required to produce trackside electrons at Leicester cycle circuit without the aid of petril.}

quixoticgeek · « **Reply #2257 on:** 12 January, 2021, 08:37:24 pm »

Quote from: Kim on 12 January, 2021, 01:30:13 pm

I have a splendid multi-ended metaaal key for haxx0ring into miscellaneous electrical boxes for nefarious porpoises^[1]. It's currently communing with the tape measures, thobut.

_{[1] Eg. performing the arcane car park ritual required to produce trackside electrons at Leicester cycle circuit without the aid of petril.}

I have a multi ended plastic one in my top tube bag on my bike, useful for accessing taps at gas stations and churches in Sweden...

J

hellymedic · « **Reply #2258 on:** 12 January, 2021, 09:30:16 pm »

I haz spare meter cupboard key but I are in Wrong Quadrant of That London.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #2259 on:** 13 January, 2021, 12:48:46 am »

I managed to extricate the key from the horrible spiky bush at the cost of several impressive scratches on my right forearm, one of which is about eight of the BRITONS' inches long. It looks as though I've been spoffling a bad-tempered leopard.

Mrs Pingu · « **Reply #2260 on:** 13 January, 2021, 06:03:17 pm »

Why didn't you just butcher the bush to deth?

Kim · « **Reply #2261 on:** 13 January, 2021, 06:07:21 pm »

Quote from: Mrs Pingu on 13 January, 2021, 06:03:17 pm

Why didn't you just butcher the bush to deth?

It's shit weather for a bike ride, which means it's doubly shit weather for doing Gardening.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #2262 on:** 13 January, 2021, 06:57:31 pm »

Quote from: Mrs Pingu on 13 January, 2021, 06:03:17 pm

Why didn't you just butcher the bush to deth?

I've attacked the wretched horrible spiky thing with all the weapons at my disposal a Several of times but it always comes back, undead, bullet-proof and with inhuman strength. Unfortunately you don’t seem to be able to get Agent Orange in Homebase.

citoyen · « **Reply #2263 on:** 13 January, 2021, 07:11:08 pm »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 13 January, 2021, 06:57:31 pm

Unfortunately you don’t seem to be able to get Agent Orange in Homebase.

Have you tried The Range? Or maybe it's more of an Aldi Thursday Special thing.

Paul · « **Reply #2264 on:** 13 January, 2021, 07:40:20 pm »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 13 January, 2021, 06:57:31 pm

Quote from: Mrs Pingu on 13 January, 2021, 06:03:17 pm
Why didn't you just butcher the bush to deth?

I've attacked the wretched horrible spiky thing with all the weapons at my disposal a Several of times but it always comes back, undead, bullet-proof and with inhuman strength. Unfortunately you don’t seem to be able to get Agent Orange in Homebase.

It's surprising how often this seems to be the answer.

(Btw: did this meme die and I didn't get the email? There was a time when I would never have got in first)

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #2265 on:** 13 January, 2021, 07:45:43 pm »

Agent Orange is probably available via Netflix.

cycleman · « **Reply #2266 on:** 14 January, 2021, 06:25:26 pm »

Can't you get napalm

robgul · « **Reply #2267 on:** 15 January, 2021, 07:59:08 am »

Quote from: Cudzoziemiec on 13 January, 2021, 07:45:43 pm

Agent Orange is probably available via Netflix.

I thought Agent Orange was impeached on Wednesday ??

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #2268 on:** 15 January, 2021, 10:45:23 am »

Quote from: cycleman on 14 January, 2021, 06:25:26 pm

Can't you get napalm

Use of fiery burny DETH on HSB* sadly contra-indicated due to proximity of house in general and gas meter in particular.

* Horrible Spiky Bush, not the BEER formerly brewed in Horndean.

tiermat · « **Reply #2269 on:** 15 January, 2021, 11:00:43 am »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 15 January, 2021, 10:45:23 am

Quote from: cycleman on 14 January, 2021, 06:25:26 pm
Can't you get napalm

Use of fiery burny DETH on HSB* sadly contra-indicated due to proximity of house in general and gas meter in particular.

* Horrible Spiky Bush, not the BEER formerly brewed in Horndean.

Copper nails is where it's at, then.

https://www.ebay.co.uk/i/264481774230?chn=ps&var=564575783199&norover=1&mkevt=1&mkrid=710-134428-41853-0&mkcid=2&itemid=564575783199_264481774230&targetid=1000147649500&device=c&mktype=pla&googleloc=1006958&campaignid=10195651586&mkgroupid=107296210212&rlsatarget=pla-1000147649500&abcId=1145987&merchantid=114994048&gclid=CjwKCAiAl4WABhAJEiwATUnEF9aRdMnAqM-XU_SS6-dsxvae5ARRtWF4OQvE_5z7rAAgATRULae6RBoCy64QAvD_BwE

Mrs Pingu · « **Reply #2270 on:** 16 January, 2021, 07:03:28 pm »

I appear to have paid off the credit card twice this month.

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #2271 on:** 16 January, 2021, 07:05:59 pm »

Quote from: robgul on 15 January, 2021, 07:59:08 am

Quote from: Cudzoziemiec on 13 January, 2021, 07:45:43 pm
Agent Orange is probably available via Netflix.

I thought Agent Orange was impeached on Wednesday ??

Basil · « **Reply #2272 on:** 16 January, 2021, 08:22:16 pm »

Quote from: Mrs Pingu on 16 January, 2021, 07:03:28 pm

I appear to have paid off the credit card twice this month.

Ah. Not just me then.
https://yacf.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=95565.msg2576810#msg2576810

ian · « **Reply #2273 on:** 16 January, 2021, 08:47:07 pm »

Direct Debit for that. The robots rule.

hellymedic · « **Reply #2274 on:** 16 January, 2021, 08:55:35 pm »

Quote from: ian on 16 January, 2021, 08:47:07 pm

Direct Debit for that. The robots rule.

MTAAW

(Me too, also, as well.)