Author Topic: Super-Twat  (Read 897545 times)

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5550 on: 28 April, 2022, 11:42:48 pm »
I took dozens of photos and fed the least photographically incompetent to the computer, which I suspect is using a neural net trained on a Jasper Carrott sketch about facial expressions in passport photographs to approve the most unflattering.

Jaded

  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5551 on: 29 April, 2022, 08:39:28 am »
You aren't allowed laser printed photos.
So that’s what I have done for friends and family. Never had one rejected.

You aren’t allowed to computer enhance photos.
So that’s what I have done for friends and family. Never had one rejected.
It is simpler than it looks.

Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5552 on: 29 April, 2022, 08:54:44 am »
In the past I have had one taken in one of those "passport approved" photo booths rejected because my hair had apparently become indistinguishable from the background.  Even the blind man looking at it could see that this was not the case.

So I took a very unflattering selfie with my camera phone whilst standing about a metre in front on an off white wall and it was accepted.

ian

Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5553 on: 29 April, 2022, 10:08:55 am »
I just stood in the kitchen by a rare patch of a blank wall and got my wife to take a picture on her iPhone. I think I cropped and brightened it a bit. Job done.

Still got a shit passport though. I genuinely think it was done by photocopier and home laminator.

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5554 on: 29 April, 2022, 10:13:08 am »
I think the only suitable piece of wall in Larrington Towers would have required me to stand on a ladder halfway up the stairs.  The photo booth at Mr Sainsbury’s House of Toothy Comestibles seemed less fraught.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5555 on: 29 April, 2022, 01:25:25 pm »
Kitchen door and enough zoom that it filled the background.  Which didn't help me not look like a convict.

My earlier attempt at sheet-drapery was thwarted by the RCD-tester staining it a funny colour when I attempted to remove the wrinkles.  Fairly sure they're not supposed to do that.

Next time I'll use a booth and scan the photo, or something (unless they can give you a digital output these days?).

Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5556 on: 29 April, 2022, 01:30:45 pm »
Kitchen door and enough zoom that it filled the background.  Which didn't help me not look like a convict.


Worse than the infamous "Kim the Jackal" pic from your forum debut ?  ;)
Not fast & rarely furious

tweeting occasional in(s)anities as andrewxclark

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5557 on: 29 April, 2022, 01:34:00 pm »
Think Anne Ramsey in The Goonies.

Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5558 on: 29 April, 2022, 01:59:06 pm »
We pop along to the local Chemist, that takes photos in amongst the wine making paraphernalia upstairs.
We are making a New World (Paul Nash, 1918)

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5559 on: 29 April, 2022, 02:07:32 pm »
Next time I'll use a booth and scan the photo, or something (unless they can give you a digital output these days?).

In addition to the printed photos they also provide a number which you then enter during the online renewal form-jibbling exercise, following which there is SCIENCE between the photo booth operator’s The Database and the Pisspot Office.  Having both is quite handy coz it seems I need an International Driving Permit (1949) to, er, drive in USAnia these days but natch you can’t apply for one o' they online, no, you have to traipse to a The Post Office at least a mile away and queueueueue for a fortnight chiz.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5560 on: 29 April, 2022, 02:34:04 pm »
Selected post offices have their own digital photo booth for driving license and passport renewals. Hand over the documents pay the fee and get your photo taken. All very smooth.

Though if the Rock Ferry one is anything to go by you still look like a convict.
“There is no point in using the word 'impossible' to describe something that has clearly happened.”
― Douglas Adams

Pingu

  • Put away those fiery biscuits!
  • Mrs Pingu's domestique
    • the Igloo
Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5561 on: 29 April, 2022, 11:44:01 pm »
I followed the instructions and had few rejections but eventually had a piss pot photie accepted which had the brightness tweaked upwards by a fair amount.

rr

Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5562 on: 29 April, 2022, 11:59:27 pm »
Micros photo was a nightmare, hair too big, not standing out from her clothes... Complete wardrobe charge, hair tied back hard and it was eventually accepted.
And that's before you get to racist cameras and algorithms.

Sent from my motorola edge 20 using Tapatalk


Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5563 on: 30 April, 2022, 12:48:25 am »
Selected post offices have their own digital photo booth for driving license and passport renewals. Hand over the documents pay the fee and get your photo taken. All very smooth.

Though if the Rock Ferry one is anything to go by you still look like a convict.

(click to show/hide)
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

TheLurker

  • Goes well with magnolia.
Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5564 on: 30 April, 2022, 07:39:49 am »
Quote from: PeteB99
Selected post offices have their own digital photo booth for driving license and passport renewals. Hand over the documents pay the fee and get your photo taken. All very smooth.
They are withdrawing said booths in favour of laptops/tablets.  I renewed my permit to commit automotive mayhem last year using the booth at the PO in Cirencester and it was all *very* easy.  A tiny bit more expensive than the alternatives, but utterly simple.   MrsL went to do the same a month or three back and the booth had been withdrawn from service and, this'll make you laugh, there was a - hand-written, in felt pen - sign up saying that the new tablets/laptops/whatever they'd been given to replace it *didn't* work.  It was thus for several weeks, perhaps a couple of months.

My nomination for ST?  The berk that decided to decommission the photo-booth before making sure the replacement tool (not the only "tool" in town it seems) actually worked.
Τα πιο όμορφα ταξίδια γίνονται με τις δικές μας δυνάμεις - Φίλοι του Ποδήλατου

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5565 on: 02 May, 2022, 02:29:08 am »
Tory Party chairdroid Oliver Dowden returns with Even Yet MOAR Joy Of Twat Part 4397.  See the Local Elections thread downstairs in POBI for details.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5566 on: 02 May, 2022, 05:36:34 pm »
Lance Foreman.  Someone needs to drown him in one of his own salmon pens.


https://twitter.com/dontbrexitfixit/status/1521024520454348802
Not fast & rarely furious

tweeting occasional in(s)anities as andrewxclark

Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5567 on: 02 May, 2022, 05:43:21 pm »
I don't think that he realises that in fact his bigoted twattery ensures that people have their already incredibly low opinion of him somewhat reinforced by his own efforts.

How much more of a twat can he make himself look I wonder?

Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5568 on: 03 May, 2022, 01:17:36 pm »
Lance Foreman.  Someone needs to drown him in one of his own salmon pens.


https://twitter.com/dontbrexitfixit/status/1521024520454348802

I really hope Rayner pulls a Monroe on him.

Ditto I hope Starmer does it to Dorries for this:

https://twitter.com/MrJohnNicolson/status/1521092894987325445?s=20&t=srpo7PvQMn2P-JPGpbPR6g
<i>Marmite slave</i>

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
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    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5569 on: 03 May, 2022, 06:22:02 pm »
Glen Owen, political editor of the Heil On Sunday and recently-emerged front-runner in the race for STOTY 2022 has excelled himself.  Apparently he's had “a week of vile abuse at the hands of the Left's Twitter warriors”.

Trouble is, Glen Owen doesn’t have a Twitter account :facepalm:
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Beardy

  • Shedist
Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5570 on: 04 May, 2022, 08:18:47 am »
I think we need a new thread for Johnson because Super-Twat doesn’t even begin to cover him following his latest ‘performance’.
For every complex problem in the world, there is a simple and easily understood solution that’s wrong.

Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5571 on: 04 May, 2022, 08:55:53 am »
I think we need a new thread for Johnson because Super-Twat doesn’t even begin to cover him following his latest ‘performance’.

Indeed.  Even more "bus" bullshit but at least this time he lied rather than denied...

rogerzilla

  • When n+1 gets out of hand
Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5572 on: 04 May, 2022, 09:47:54 am »
"You’ll all suffer, but the people you hate will suffer a tiny little bit more”.

Not mine, but a reasonably good explanation for why people vote Tory despite all this shit. Or "the economy", which is just wrong if you look at historical performance.  If you discount the 2008 crash (caused by the American subprime credit crunch), Labour are quite a lot better.  Otherwise, they are on a par for growth, and better for stability and jobs.

Hard work sometimes pays off in the end, but laziness ALWAYS pays off NOW.

ian

Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5573 on: 04 May, 2022, 10:08:09 am »
"You’ll all suffer, but the people you hate will suffer a tiny little bit more”.

Not mine, but a reasonably good explanation for why people vote Tory despite all this shit. Or "the economy", which is just wrong if you look at historical performance.  If you discount the 2008 crash (caused by the American subprime credit crunch), Labour are quite a lot better.  Otherwise, they are on a par for growth, and better for stability and jobs.

This is the theory of cake*. If you offer someone a cake. An entire cake. Their favourite flavour. With sprinkles. It's even magic cake that doesn't make them fat. There's one caveat, in order to receive the cake, they must give a quarter of that cake to someone else. Sounds good.

Many people, will quite reasonably, be pleased with this offer. They get three-quarters of a splendid cake for free. They might even feel good that someone less fortunate is getting a quarter.

But there are others. Sure, they want cake. But share? Especially with someone less worthwhile than themselves. They want the entire cake, all four quarters. You can point out that by being unwilling to share they will get no cake. They will stomp their feet and say no, no cake then. Then they'll complain about the unfairness, that they couldn't have any cake, and that everyone else got cake but them.

*proper psychologists may not have used cake. Jumbo sausage rolls, perhaps.

Re: Super-Twat
« Reply #5574 on: 04 May, 2022, 10:31:55 am »
An interesting and very poignant switch between "less fortunate" and "less worthwhile" there Ian.