Author Topic: Weird/funny dreams you've had  (Read 109331 times)

Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #700 on: 22 January, 2021, 09:20:27 am »
Went to Russia with four other people. Soon after our return to the UK, female operatives of the KGB* were attempting to assassinate all of us. I forced myself to wake up when I was being chased by one of them. 

*In the dream they were identified as KGB agents.

Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #701 on: 22 January, 2021, 10:37:31 am »
I can't recall much, except that it involved some rather unpleasant torture - of other's, not me, thankfully. Very odd. And just as I was waking, so mercifuly brief.
We are making a New World (Paul Nash, 1918)


  • Ride Fettle Ride
    • Current pedalable joys
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #702 on: 22 January, 2021, 02:26:37 pm »
I was out walking along a night city pavement, with my hands deep in huge pockets, looking down at my feet, confused by unrecognisable paint stained baggy trousers and badly scuffed leather slippers. When along came Keith Richards who said “hi Paul”. So I startled and said “oh, hi Keith”. He put his arm around my shoulder, so I ran arm around the small of his back. We carried on ambling. Nothing else was mentioned until I noticed Keith looking down at my slippers, I sensed he also wondered what this was about. I offered my apologies and explained I didn’t know whose slippers they were nor who the trousers belonged to. Without any answers, we continued walking embraced in silence.

After a timeless long while a huge Victorian pavilion not unlike Brighton’s appeared, one long side of which sported a series of tall narrow etched glass doors with panelled wooden bottoms. Keith said “do you fancy a swift half Paul?” I replied “yeah, why not?” Finally a way in was found through two doors wide open at the very far end. We shuffled, arms still entwined into a huge ballroom with chandeliers and an intercontinental ocean of blonde maple flooring. 

Immediately before us half a dozen or so circular linen clad dining tables occupied by a few depressed diners all eating huge steaming plates of boiled potatoes, smelling of school canteens. A flurry of waiters straight from La Coupole clad in ankle length white waist tied aprons waltzed stupidly around with silver platters at shoulder height, balanced on their ridiculous fingertips, just showing off.

Keith and I slowly surveyed the rest of the empty cavernous dancehall until we espied the bar at least a quarter of a mile away, running the entire width of the hall. We cocked our chins up slightly in respect, or fuckitiness for the grandeur of the place and slid across the vast room hoping to make the bar before last orders. As the ornate counter approached with its highly polished foot rail, it started growing in height, at least a dozen women bartenders clad in crisp white blouses buttoned to the neck and tight maroon waistcoats slowly disappearing behind the towering edifice.

By the time I said to Keith, “my shout” we were only half way up to the height of the counter. The endless row of hand pulled beer pumps we longed toward on our journey were invisible now. Up until then, there were no other people at the bar. Whilst trying think what to order 5 or 6 blokes arrived jostling around us and the concentrated silence was shattered by macho pub banter and the worship of Keith. I tried shouting to one of the unseen barmaids -  one leant over trying to find who was yelling at her. I raised my voice to a scream. She couldn’t hear what I said. The throng were obviously drunk and getting rowdier and rowdier. I cupped my hands either side of my mouth and yelled so loud my head split “TWO PINTS OF LAGER”. The reply was “WHAT?”

At this point Keith was hopelessly bobbling with the ugly men, their faces right in his, all yelling at him, telling him how great he was man. I put my hands back deep in my pockets turned and tried to depart in a manner which could convey my displeasure. 

Slowly the strange slippers shuffled me towards the distant open doors and I returned to wondering who they belonged to. No one noticed me – I looked back to check. Just before I took my leave a wing collared maitre d’ came rushing up from nowhere and declared I “was never to step foot in the establishment, ever again!”

My parting cry of “FUCK OFF PENGUIN” woke me up!


  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #703 on: 24 January, 2021, 02:11:03 am »
And the motto of that is always go for a pee before bedtime

OMG, you had the same dream  :o
If you don't like your democracy, vote against it.


  • Timelord
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #704 on: 15 February, 2021, 05:43:14 pm »
You know those full bladder dreams where you end up in a montage of all sorts of improbable reasons why you can't get to / use a toilet?

I had the EV charging version the other night.  I blame this:
Careful, Kim. Your sarcasm's showing...

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #705 on: 16 March, 2021, 01:21:20 pm »
Being the one in which a small group of people led by a fierce Kim lookalike* had to negotiate the independence of a small Caribbean archipelago with a bunch of braying blank-eyed zombies from the FOREIGN And Commonwealth Office in a wood-panelled conference room decorated with oil paintings of bewhiskered Tory grandees of yore.  I got very shouty at one Third Reich pinup boy.  I woke up before Dominic Raabid put in an appearance which I think means we won.

I shall shortly be pulling out the atlas to find out whether the St Wherever Islands actually exist and whether I can visit on me holibobs and be showered with gifts from a grateful populace.

* I'm pretty sure it wasn’t the real Kim on account of her wearing a dress.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #706 on: 17 March, 2021, 11:29:07 am »
I don't usually remember my dreams but here's a couple I remember a bit:

1, I had to get my leg amputated between knee and ankle. The person who did only made the knife cut reaching the bone, then they disappered and I had to go around asking people with with a saw to finish off the job.

2, I'm old but look young. Some young people found out I'm actually old, they felt deceived and took revenge by setting up my phone to make a call which eats up my payg credits and I only stopped it by pressing some secret combination on the screen.

Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #707 on: 26 July, 2021, 06:47:02 am »
I got on the no.11a bus in Birmingham and it went via Dunwich.  The toilets were closed and the bus was going to be there for an hour, but it was ok because the driver agreed to buy us all lunch.
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #708 on: 26 July, 2021, 08:16:50 am »
Was going to South Africa and got to the front of the passport queue only to find my passport was a leaflet with the image of a passport on the front.  Going back to get the proper passport I crashed the car into the side of a Royal Mail parcels van.  I never reached South Africa. 

Yesterday I did book a holiday for next year but not to South Africa, to Norway. 
Sic transit and all that..


  • Timelord
Re: Weird/funny dreams you've had
« Reply #709 on: 26 July, 2021, 11:39:23 am »
I got on the no.11a bus in Birmingham and it went via Dunwich.

That'll be the roadworks around City Hospital...
Careful, Kim. Your sarcasm's showing...