Grammar that makes you cringe

[clarion]

Chief Prosecutor Jarvis Cocker made a good case at the Brits in 1996.

[Julian]

UKBA.  Please correct your naturalisation guidance and the form.  "Seperate" is wrong. 

/nailsdownablackboard

[Ian H]

UKBA.  Please correct your naturalisation guidance and the form.  "Seperate" is wrong. 

/nailsdownablackboard

Perhaps the writer should be deported for lack of English.

[Peter]

Sorry if this one has already been done:-

Growing the business/economy.  They already exist, for goodness sake.  You can't get a packet of economy from Thompson & Morgan.  "Expanding" used to work fine - as a word, that is.

[Cudzoziemiec]

Not grammar, but some amusing typos in the first paragraph of this spam I received.

Date: 25-9-2011

Dear Friend,

My Name is Mr. Luiz Fernando, I am from Portugal, but born and breath up in Russia, I have been
diagnosed with cancer. It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about
a few months to live, according to medical experts. I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never
really cared for anyone (not even myself) but my business.

Though I was very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my
business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more
to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a
second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it.

I Would want to have a Personal and Trusthworthy Relationship with you, as I intend and willing to
empower the change of ownership for the transfer of the sum of (USD 11,200,680.00) to your Account
or personal possession for further Investment and Charity Disbursement to the Less Priveledge, Haiti
Earthquake Victims, Homeless People, therefore, I appeal to you to write me via my mail
address: luizFernado@w.cn

N/B:Kindly note that 40% of this funds must go to victims of Haiti Earthquake , 55% to other Charity
Organizations around the World and 5% for your effort and time.

God be with you.

Mr. Luiz Fernando.

Defiled medical treatment, in the context I think that's quite nice.

[Tim Hall]

poor grammar or signwriter's error?  You choose. Nice bit of Sharpie action though.


I have a similar one referring to life jackets.  Jackson Civil Engineering, I'm looking at you.

[Biff]

[clarion]

Dont give that to you're English teacher!

[frankly frankie]

And I thought the Americans didn't do irony.

[citoyen]

The ellipsis, like the apostrophe, is used to indicate an omission.  Increasingly, it seems to be used as a way to indicate the end of a humorous statement. People used to use exclamation marks for this purpose, until F Scott Fitzgerald made them too self-conscious about it.

I admit that I have to fight the urge to use ellipses myself but they are becoming a plague on our nation's prose. We must fight this pernicious threat.

Continue to use ellipses by all means, but use them wisely and sparingly.

d.

[Gareth Rees]

The ellipsis, like the apostrophe, is used to indicate an omission ...

... and also a pause, an unfinished sentence, an incomplete list, a trailing off, an aposiopesis, ...

[citoyen]

pause … unfinished … incomplete … trailing off … aposiopesis

I'm using "omission" to encompass all of the above. The point is that it's not shorthand for "please laugh here".

d.

[mattc]

I've noticed this usage of ellipsis too. The two main offenders have been writers in newsletters I have received... The same thing in every issue ... No punctuation to end a sentence ... No paragraphs either ...

I guess it's one of those attempts to write-how-they-speak, but for some reason it only irks me. And never gets a laugh.

[L CC]

I do it a lot in my 'prose'... It's lazy... Demonstrates I'm not taking it seriously, but without the forced jollity of exclamation marks! Smileys or whatever
Doesn't it depend on context? Surely it's ok on message boards... or personal emails, but not on much else?...

[border-rider]

I never use it in (work) written stuff.  I tend to here (probably over-use it), but in the aposiopesis sense, with the idea of presenting an idea and leaving the reader to make the connection.

It'd never occurred to me that it could be used in the same way as an exclamation mark.

[citoyen]

Doesn't it depend on context? Surely it's ok on message boards... or personal emails, but not on much else?...

Of course. But I'm increasingly seeing it used incorrectly in contexts where it might be said to matter.

It'd never occurred to me that it could be used in the same way as an exclamation mark.

It's not used with precisely the same intent but the effect is broadly the same.

d.

[Mr Larrington]

poor grammar or signwriter's error?  You choose. Nice bit of Sharpie action though.


I have a similar one referring to life jackets.  Jackson Civil Engineering, I'm looking at you.

I have recently seen a YouTube video, the caption of which avers that "Trefor mist the timing tapes".  The personal responsible is Dutch, though, so he at least has a slight excuse.

[Peter]

Just seen a notice in a local take-away, informing them that an energy company has "de-energised" their gas supply.  I know how it feels; man, I'm tired!

[red marley]

Just seen a notice in a local take-away, informing them that an energy company has "de-energised" their gas supply.  I know how it feels; man, I'm tired!

Not grammar as such, but I always have a little titter inside my head when I hear someone who should know better use the word "enervate" to mean "energise".

[Hot Flatus]

People, especially irritating pedants who should know better, who think 'noone' is a word.

[Cudzoziemiec]

It is the opposite of midknighte.

[Bledlow]

Thankyou.

[Hot Flatus]

Your welcome

[Auntie Helen]

Not grammar but irresistible spelling from the website of the Five Bells, Colne Engaine:

"The pub is delighted to sell an outstanding selection of Real Ales plus Adnams beers & spirits, Visor Belgium Beer and a wide selection of hand picked wines from around the globe to tantilise your pallet!"

[Mr Larrington]

People, especially irritating pedants who should know better, who think 'noone' is a word.

Is so.  He was the singer in Herman's Hermits.