Corned beef. Qourn.
I can happily sit eating a tin of corned beef with a blob of HP sauce. Of course you need to wear chain-mail armour when opening the tin and prying the lovely contents out (in order to avoid slashing a main artery).
I think I can actually hear my arteries furring up as I eat it.
Cold baked beans (heinz of course) out of the tin (Praise be for ring-pull cans).
Heinz tomato soup. It looks and taste nothing like tomato but I don't care, I prefer it to the stuff that does.
Cadbury's Mini Rolls. There is no upper limit to how many I could eat in one sitting, just make me a strong cup of team and line up those little blighters.