I once shared a flat in Birmingham with a guy who worked for Ford Motor Credit. One day, it was a cow-orker's birthday so they all went to the pub for lunch.
The birthday girl had 14 double vodkas, stood up, called for quiet in the pub, announced, "MY BOYFRIEND'S SPERM TASTES OF HAZELNUTS!" and promptly passed out.
Jared was the colleague chosen to sit in A&E all afternoon while she had her stomach pumped.