Colloquial Computer Terms That Annoy

[mattc]

Screen resolution seems to confuse people as well.

If somebody says "Make it larger", I increase the resolution of the screen. The is opposite to what some people expect. They expect the icons to get larger.

The best comparison I can think of here would be showing a kid a bug under a microscope.

If he/she/it says "Make it bigger!!!" they want to see the bug's hairs, not more of the slide it is sat on.

[Jaded]

If there are hairs on the bug then it is probably a Microsoft bug.

[HTFB]

/dev/null has no hair.

[mcshroom]

Running out of memory on the hard disk.

Referring to RAM as 'Memory' (a lost battle I know). Running out of 'Memory' (ROM) on the hard disk could be considered correct in the instance you quote if you're being pedantic, although I'd use 'space' myself.

[pcolbeck]

Running out of memory on the hard disk.

Referring to RAM as 'Memory' (a lost battle I know). Running out of 'Memory' (ROM) on the hard disk could be considered correct in the instance you quote if you're being pedantic, although I'd use 'space' myself.

And then there is virtual RAM aka swap that lives on the hard drive (or maybe out on the SAN) just to confuse things.

[dasmoth]

Actually, that reminds me of a slightly more subtle, and pretty ubiquitous, one: the failure to distinguish between virtual memory (i.e. the existence of some kind of mapping scheme between logical and physical address spaces) and swapping.  The latter would be extremely challenging to implement without the former, but loads of systems run with VM but no swap.

I think I'm onto a losing battle here...

Seymour Cray almost certainly didn't say "memory is like an orgasm, it's much better if you don't have to fake it."  But I wish he had!

[LEE]

"Bunch of pedantic IT geeks who should shut the feck up and make my Internet work" when clearly it's "Bunch of pedantic IT NERDS who should shut the feck up and make my Internet work"

It's a classic mistake.

[Kim]

Screen resolution seems to confuse people as well.

The best comparison I can think of here would be showing a kid a bug under a microscope.

If he/she/it says "Make it bigger!!!" they want to see the bug's hairs, not more of the slide it is sat on.

Yeah, but confusing resolution with magnification is what causes the problem in the first place.  They're different - almost but not quite opposite - concepts.  If the child says "Show me more!!" should you increase or decrease the microscope's magnification?

In my experience, children (who presumably spend a significant amount of time mucking about with graph paper) understand resolution just fine when you explain what it means.  It's adults who weren't using computers during the period where a working knowledge of video and publishing terminology^[1] was required to achieve anything useful with them who have the problem.


_{[1] I'd argue that a lot of the terms on this thread come from those fields, and have been - quite sensibly - adopted for the computing context to avoid having to make up a whole new set of terms.}

[Jacomus]

Help Desk.....

+1

'Pinging' e-mails
'My Microsoft isn't working again' = 'IE has, once again, crapped out because I refuse to use that weird Chrome thingy, mainly because it doesn't have 'internet' in it's name'
'Turn it on and off, that'll fix it' 

[mattc]

2 problems mentioned below have the same solution:

"Show me more!" -> "more what?"

"Make it bigger/larger!!!" -> "what is 'it' ?"

Or have I overcomplicated ...

[Jacomus]

2 problems mentioned below have the same solution:

"Show me more!" -> "more what?"

"Make it bigger/larger!!!" -> "what is 'it' ?"

Or have I overcomplicated ...

See: Fuzzy's post re: 'Help Desk' 

[tiermat]

The majority here seem to be pointing at users being the culprit, but IT people are just as bad, to wit:

Conversation had too many times by myself (other person speaking first)
"LDAP isn't working"
"How do you know?"
"Entrust is no longer issuing certificates"
"OK, so how is that LDAP's fault?"
"Well Entrust puts the certs into LDAP"
"Yes I know how the system hangs together, but how does what you are telling me mean that LDAP is broken?"
"Entrust has stopped working"
"Yes I know, but what is your proof that LDAP has caused it?"
"It's no longer issuing certificates and the last time this happened it was LDAP"
"That doesn't mean it is this time, lets work through this, have you tried connecting from the Entrust box to LDAP?"
"No"
"OK, go do that then come back and tell me LDAP isn't working"
...

9 time out of ten it is not UNDERSTANDING what is happening or how to test it that is the issue, not that X, Y or LDAP is broken...

My personal pet hate, as others have mentioned, though is "Ping" you an email, my usual reply is "I tried that and just got destination unreachable" or if I am feeling particularly mean, printing off the POP, IMAP and SMTP RFCs and asking them to explain where ICMP packets come into it.  Usually they just ask me to send them an email after that

[Kim]

My personal pet hate, as others have mentioned, though is "Ping" you an email, my usual reply is "I tried that and just got destination unreachable" or if I am feeling particularly mean, printing off the POP, IMAP and SMTP RFCs and asking them to explain where ICMP packets come into it.  Usually they just ask me to send them an email after that

[shouting into the kitchen]
Ducttape: "Bill, could you ask Alex what he's cooking?"
Morti: "Alex! What're you cooking?"
Creature: "Spaghetti bolognese."
Ducttape: "Is it bean feast?"
Morti: "Is it bean feast?"
Morti: "Is it bean feast?"
Morti: "Is it bean feast?"
Morti: "Three packets transmitted, zero received, 100% packet loss."
Ducttape: "Alex! Could you come here please?"
Creature: "Yes?"
Ducttape: "Are you cooking bean feast?"
Creature: "Yes."
Ducttape (to Morti): "See, I used a connection based protocol..."

[mcshroom]

[shouting into the kitchen]
Ducttape: "Bill, could you ask Alex what he's cooking?"
Morti: "Alex! What're you cooking?"
Creature: "Spaghetti bolognese."
Ducttape: "Is it bean feast?"
Morti: "Is it bean feast?"
Morti: "Is it bean feast?"
Morti: "Is it bean feast?"
Morti: "Three packets transmitted, zero received, 100% packet loss."
Ducttape: "Alex! Could you come here please?"
Creature: "Yes?"
Ducttape: "Are you cooking bean feast?"
Creature: "Yes."
Ducttape (to Morti): "See, I used a connection based protocol..."

I think that goes in Colloquial food terms that annoy. Just because it has tomatoes and pasta in it something is not Bolognese. Benfeast 'Bolognese' doesn't even taste similar.

[andygates]

It fixed a number of dodgy voting machines last night, for example.

It's surprisingly effective, which is why we tell you to do it. 

[Jacomus]

'Turn it on and off, that'll fix it'

A reboot is actually the opposite: turn it off and then back on. There are times when it is worth doing.

It fixed a number of dodgy voting machines last night, for example.

It's surprisingly effective, which is why we tell you to do it. 

I seem to have been painted as a luser instead of a mere user... The reason it annoys me is not its simplicity, it is the back to front phraseology that is so often trotted out... I'm looking at you, Dell Helldesk.

[tonycollinet]

It fixed a number of dodgy voting machines last night, for example.

It's surprisingly effective, which is why we tell you to do it. 

That is true - which is why it has already been done before I phone helpdesk. It annoys to be told to do it again anyway.

[drossall]

Arguably more engineering than IT, although you get active speakers.

M&S are currently driving me nuts with their "active waistbands" on mens' trousers that "adjust in size with you" or something. That's the definition of passive. They are passive waistbands; stop calling them active

[mattc]

Bit scared you may shout at me .... in Comic Sans ... but:

I suspect they're 'active' in the sense of 'suitable for active wearers' i.e. walking about, not just sitting at a desk [this is as active as M&S customers get, you're not expected to climb Everest].

It's marketing speak - not something from a technical user manual!

[Feanor]

The use of the word 'Download' for any computer activity.

"I downloaded excell and it crashed" ( I started up XL. ).
"I downloaded the game from the CD and ... " ( I installed the game... )
etc, etc.

[drossall]

Bit scared you may shout at me .... in Comic Sans ... but:

I suspect they're 'active' in the sense of 'suitable for active wearers' i.e. walking about, not just sitting at a desk [this is as active as M&S customers get, you're not expected to climb Everest].

It's marketing speak - not something from a technical user manual!

Nah, it's the waistband that's being called active, not the wearer. I suspect you're right; some marketing guy thinks it sounds good. Trouble is, using terms to mean their opposites makes them not that useful.

Still calls up visions for me of a waistband with pistons and a power-pack to change the sizing

[drossall]

I also hate the BBC's (and others') use of "...for more information, log on to our Web site", when logging on is precisely what you don't have to do.

[Pickled Onion]

There is no such word as "logon".

If there were, then the next page would say "you have successfully logonned" and the information page would say "take care when logoning".

The site in question can manage "log off" so why TF "logon"?

[Pingu]

I get slightly annoyed by people saying 'cut & paste' when they mean 'copy & paste'  It saves a syllable, I suppose.

[Vince]

My favourite was an overheard conversation between a sales person and their customer:
"I think your fuel pumps are lost in the computer"

This was back in the days of BOFH