Author Topic: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021  (Read 12232 times)

Mr Larrington

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Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« on: 25 June, 2021, 12:43:12 am »
Poo ur gosh doesn’t time fly when you’re having Type 2 fun, eh?  Seems like only yesterday that we at P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM® put the final face mask on the jolly spiffing Socially Distanced Tour Ov France 2020 and yet here we all are again for up-to-the-minute hour reportage, potentially libellous falsehoods, and cruel and heartless defamation of Manx Minnow TV's Tiny P Kennaugh.

Those idle buggers at Vsquared haven’t yet seen fit to tell us whether we’re going to get a return to 2019-stylee coverage i.e. sans TV's the C Boardmen but with the Usual Suspects actually in La Belle France and radio's M Smith and victims guests in the dungeon broom cupboard in Londonton, or whether they will again be confined in Sir Henry Rawlinson's prisoner-of-war camp in Kent with only celebrated non-wooden curlifckr TV's D Friebe to hold the selfie stick fort and attempt to decipher the cryptic utterances of S “yeh. er.” Yates in Abroad, where the FOREIGNS come from.  You may, however, rest assured that our coverage may contain:

(click to show/hide)

Or not.

Because the thieving bastards at Microsith have decreed that Excel for FruitCoSlabs now requires a subscription, we are using Mr Google's spreadsheet SCIENCE to generate all the table-formatting Stuffs that only appears to you, Constant Reader, if we've fscked things up at the poof-redding stage.  Hopefully this will work as advertised as otherwise our SCIENCE Minion will start whinging and making unrealistic demands for outlandish Stuffs like a wage, the keys to the Netflix account, a Maserati “just like TV's Super D Millar's” and pictures of Syrah Poulidor-Featherstonehaugh in a State of Undress an extra rat-onna-stick on the rest days.

If you want sensible discussion you know where to find it, which is to say Not Here.  Please read the safety instructions for this thread on the card in the seat pocket in front of you.  The value of the thread may go up as well as down, but probably won't.  Please familiarise yourselves with the location of your nearest emergency exit from the thread.  No animals will be harmed in the making this thread except TV's *** Boulting.  Do not open the doors while the thread is in motion.  Le singe est dans l'arbre, l'ours est dans la fôret and your lifejacket is on top of Mont Ventoux.

E Shrdlu
pp. Le Roi Christian I d'ASO

1: Eleanor of Aquitaine and Roy “Chubby” Brown are currently appearing in “The Leopard In Autumn” at the Alhambra Theatre, Catford
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

TheLurker

  • Goes well with magnolia.
Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #1 on: 25 June, 2021, 08:56:59 am »
Ahhh, all's well with the world.

However, this does seem like an opportune moment to press for  P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM®  to provide coverage of The Spanish Race as well.
Τα πιο όμορφα ταξίδια γίνονται με τις δικές μας δυνάμεις - Φίλοι του Ποδήλατου

Mr Larrington

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Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #2 on: 25 June, 2021, 10:03:19 am »
While we would in principle be happy to cover thee Vuelta ov Spaign-o, and although it doesn’t clash with our holibobs* which in our case this year we have not got, ITV4 only do a highlights show and we ent about to sell our collective soul to BeardTV or DingoVision.  It wouldn’t be the same without *** and Super D anyway.

* Were it not for the continuing Coronalurgi fckery the Tour ov France Stuffs would have gone all to pot too, because this Unit would have been in Stornoway for the first week.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #3 on: 25 June, 2021, 12:28:28 pm »
<purged, by order of the Inquisition>

(click to show/hide)

<purged by the Cheka>

Now, the v. important question is...


Is that merely Bruce "The Air Raid Siren" Dickinson, front man for a popular beat combo, or The Bruce Dickinson, wot haz a fever and a percussive prescription?

Inquiring minds, and all that...
"He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." ~ Freidrich Neitzsche

Mr Larrington

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Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #4 on: 25 June, 2021, 06:04:48 pm »
It's the Bruce Dickinson who:
  • Likes cowbells, and
  • Wants to play with Suggs et al
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #5 on: 25 June, 2021, 06:23:48 pm »
 :thumbsup: ;D
"He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." ~ Freidrich Neitzsche

Pingu

  • Put away those fiery biscuits!
  • Mrs Pingu's domestique
    • the Igloo
Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #6 on: 25 June, 2021, 10:03:33 pm »
Crazy!

Mrs Pingu

  • Who ate all the pies? Me
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Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #7 on: 25 June, 2021, 10:20:35 pm »
Lol!
I have learned something new about typesetting.
And B)
No chimney boi, sob!
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Pingu

  • Put away those fiery biscuits!
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    • the Igloo
Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #8 on: 25 June, 2021, 10:58:41 pm »
This is going to be super full gas for sure.

Mr Larrington

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Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #9 on: 26 June, 2021, 01:23:09 am »
I expect some of the mountain stages to be super hard but the riders will take it one day at a time as there is still a long way to go for sure and anything* can happen.

* See “The Bumper Book of Race Abandonment” by R Porte, pp. 397, pub. Grabber & Grabber, rrp. £29.99
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #10 on: 26 June, 2021, 07:52:09 am »
Lol!
I have learned something new about typesetting.
And B)
No chimney boi, sob!

Whereas I haz learned something about typecasting.  From Bethany's mum, obv.

Mr Larrington

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Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #11 on: 26 June, 2021, 12:28:11 pm »
TV's Super D Millar thinks PBP is about “seven hundred, eight hundred kilometres”.  Anyone on Twitter want to correct him?
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Mr Larrington

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Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #12 on: 26 June, 2021, 05:26:33 pm »
Stage 1: Brest -> Landerneau
(click to show/hide)

La Thing Course will be along later.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Mr Larrington

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Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #13 on: 26 June, 2021, 10:06:06 pm »
La Thing Course: Brest -> Landerneau

Yes, we know La Course took place before stage 1 of Le Tour, but we're pretending it didn't for dramatic purposes…

(click to show/hide)

Mr Google's spreadsheet SCIENCE is taking a bit of getting used to and has some very annoying foibles.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Pingu

  • Put away those fiery biscuits!
  • Mrs Pingu's domestique
    • the Igloo
Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #14 on: 26 June, 2021, 10:52:12 pm »
Teh ladeez did the bastardy last climb 4 times  :thumbsup:

Mr Larrington

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Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #15 on: 26 June, 2021, 11:07:31 pm »
Yes, that was particularly Bad on someone's part.  Probably Evil C Boardman.  Apparently the race was supposed to be:
  • Tomorrow, and
  • Finishing on the Mur de Bretagne
but the thoughtless natives decided to have some local elections, so things got changed.  The first hit* for “La Course 2021” on a FWSE was still showing it as being tomorrow as late as Thursday night :facepalm:

* Not a site affiliated with ASO…
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Mr Larrington

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Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #16 on: 27 June, 2021, 11:36:13 am »
P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM® notes with disapproval that ITV4s coverage of today’s festivities doesn’t start until an hour after le Roi Christian I waves his little fleg.  Which means *** and Super D again taunting us poor saps with tales of Stuffs they witnessed while we did not.

Bah!
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #17 on: 27 June, 2021, 12:04:18 pm »
P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM® notes with disapproval that ITV4s coverage of today’s festivities doesn’t start until an hour after le Roi Christian I waves his little fleg.  Which means *** and Super D again taunting us poor saps with tales of Stuffs they witnessed while we did not.

Bah!

As it time for my lunch, I have put ITV4 highlights on, this was as per my PLAN when I got up.

Miss Nutty immediately got her violin out for her homework and daily practice.  Commentators, please speak up.

rogerzilla

  • When n+1 gets out of hand
Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #18 on: 27 June, 2021, 12:17:50 pm »
I expect some of the mountain stages to be super hard but the riders will take it one day at a time as there is still a long way to go for sure and anything* can happen.

* See “The Bumper Book of Race Abandonment” by R Porte, pp. 397, pub. Grabber & Grabber, rrp. £29.99
Ah, for the 1990s, when Cipo' and his 8 lead-out men would rule the first week, then be left leaderless as Super Mario checked the beach weather in Italy and jetted off home.
Hard work sometimes pays off in the end, but laziness ALWAYS pays off NOW.

Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #19 on: 27 June, 2021, 01:15:46 pm »
I expect some of the mountain stages to be super hard but the riders will take it one day at a time as there is still a long way to go for sure and anything* can happen.

* See “The Bumper Book of Race Abandonment” by R Porte, pp. 397, pub. Grabber & Grabber, rrp. £29.99
Ah, for the 1990s, when Cipo' and his 8 lead-out men would rule the first week, then be left leaderless as Super Mario checked the beach weather in Italy and jetted off home.

But it was magnificent to watch.
We are making a New World (Paul Nash, 1918)

Mr Larrington

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Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #20 on: 27 June, 2021, 05:26:42 pm »
Stage 2: Perros-Guirec —> Mûr-de-Bretagne Guerlédan

(click to show/hide)
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Beardy

  • Shedist
Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #21 on: 27 June, 2021, 09:02:11 pm »
I haz a complain.
The comprehensive and thoughtful communiques that have been derived by P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM® to date on the reporting of a little cycle event in la Francé have been far to thorough, detailed and complete. In short they contains to many wordz of a shaky spear ness and are far too long to be read and understood while one is producing products, flushing for dolphin porpoise of.

Please to be having a wordz in the ear of scribe senior and have him(or her) rite in a more concise and condensed manner.

Thanking you.
For every complex problem in the world, there is a simple and easily understood solution that’s wrong.

Kim

  • Timelord
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Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #22 on: 27 June, 2021, 09:54:18 pm »
P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM® are giving me 1) a headache  b) attak ov teh asthmas

Mr Larrington

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Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #23 on: 27 June, 2021, 10:09:59 pm »
That’s the malign influence of Evil C Boardman at work.  We tried an exorcism before the 2020 race but to no avail.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Mr Larrington

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Re: Etienne Shrdlu Presents… TdF 2021
« Reply #24 on: 28 June, 2021, 05:31:37 pm »
Stage 3: Lorient —> Pontivy

(click to show/hide)
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime