Author Topic: more insane management speak phrases  (Read 148428 times)

Mr Larrington

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #825 on: 21 November, 2022, 01:37:19 pm »
A shower is something you'd prefer not to ride a bike or go for a walk in.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #826 on: 21 November, 2022, 01:43:09 pm »
A shower is something you'd prefer not to ride a bike or go for a walk in.
That depends. Doing those things in thought can be quite pleasant, either in anticipation or in recollection of the physical activity, but doing them in a baby would be just weird!
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #827 on: 21 November, 2022, 02:04:33 pm »
I've just got in from riding a bike in one.  Not something I want to repeat any time soon.

(Drips on carpet)
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

TheLurker

  • Goes well with magnolia.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #828 on: 21 November, 2022, 04:11:12 pm »
Quote from: L CC
Thought shower.
... a term of abuse " that organisation are an absolute shower".
I think perhaps that's a very concise and near perfect description of the outcome of the "process".  It may help you to add, sotto voce naturally, the coda, "...of shit." every time it is used.
Τα πιο όμορφα ταξίδια γίνονται με τις δικές μας δυνάμεις - Φίλοι του Ποδήλατου

Pingu

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #829 on: 04 December, 2022, 12:40:33 pm »
https://www.theguardian.com/theobserver/commentisfree/2022/dec/04/may-i-have-a-word-about-never-cursing-your-alarm-clock-again-its-an-opportunity

Quote
“We need to map the current as is position and produce a value proposition. This will be designed for proactive application seeking a holistic approach with buy in from stakeholders. We need to understand the potential interface with existing IT and seek approval to escalate through appropriate change control procedures so that deliverables are approved by identifying high level requirements to high level support and limit the impact of slippage through robust contingency planning.”

woollypigs

  • Mr Peli
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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #830 on: 04 December, 2022, 03:23:43 pm »
Bingo \o/
Current mood: AARRRGGGGHHHHH !!! #bollockstobrexit

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #831 on: 04 December, 2022, 05:30:20 pm »
https://www.theguardian.com/theobserver/commentisfree/2022/dec/04/may-i-have-a-word-about-never-cursing-your-alarm-clock-again-its-an-opportunity

Quote
“We need to map the current as is position and produce a value proposition. This will be designed for proactive application seeking a holistic approach with buy in from stakeholders. We need to understand the potential interface with existing IT and seek approval to escalate through appropriate change control procedures so that deliverables are approved by identifying high level requirements to high level support and limit the impact of slippage through robust contingency planning.”
Sorry, but compared to a lot of management speak I've encountered that's a model of lucidity.
"A woman on a bicycle has all the world before her where to choose; she can go where she will, no man hindering." The Type-Writer Girl, 1897

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #832 on: 22 January, 2023, 09:40:35 am »
“Incremental” seems to be getting used to mean “the sort of thing we wouldn’t usually manage”. In my previous career it meant “worthy but not exciting”. I’m sure an incremental improvement isn’t supposed to be the sort of thing a visionary CEO talks about at length.

citoyen

  • Occasionally rides a bike
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #833 on: 25 January, 2023, 01:35:16 pm »
"We have a high level of confidence that we can outturn the expect end of year target."

 :sick:

Not sure I've come across this use of "outturn" before. I'm not a fan.

My edit:
"We are confident we can achieve our end-of-year target."
"The future's all yours, you lousy bicycles."

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #834 on: 25 January, 2023, 01:48:14 pm »
Outturned nice again.
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

citoyen

  • Occasionally rides a bike
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #835 on: 25 January, 2023, 05:33:01 pm »
"The future's all yours, you lousy bicycles."

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #836 on: 25 January, 2023, 05:44:41 pm »
Is it a misspelling of "outrun" for one of those targets that changes if you're in danger of meeting it?

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ian

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #837 on: 03 February, 2023, 09:32:47 pm »
Today was the day of my annual review, where judgement is pronounced upon my ineptitude and misfeasance by my overlord and stern mistress boss. As she completed the itemization of my many crimes she launched the good ship of my future development plans, a ship that to date has enjoyed all the glories of the Titanic. You should seriously consider doing an MBA, said she. I'm not joking, she added. But miss, said I, I have a core of boiling cynicism, churning away like an untended nuclear reactor.

I suspect this is mostly in response to the fact I wrote 'anything but your job' in that section.

Give me a couple of years and I'm going to rule this topic.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #838 on: 03 February, 2023, 09:40:08 pm »
"We have a high level of confidence that we can outturn the expect end of year target."

 :sick:

Not sure I've come across this use of "outturn" before. I'm not a fan.

My edit:
"We are confident we can achieve our end-of-year target."

Is that like the Titanic trying to out turn an ice berg?

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #839 on: 29 January, 2024, 01:30:13 pm »
Quote
COMPLETION REQUIRED BY 31 JANUARY 2024

According to our records, as of 0900 GMT on 29 January you had not yet submitted your Annual Compliance Declaration.


Please click here to complete your Annual Compliance Declaration. The Declaration is comprised of a few short questions. If you are already aware of, and have followed, the Code and selected Policies, this Declaration should take you no more than five minutes to complete.

The Declaration process is monitored, with reporting of progress to the BigCo Risk & Compliance Committee and Chapter Heads. Reporting will be provided to line managers showing individuals within their teams who have not completed their Declaration by 31 January. Anyone who does not complete their Declaration by this date may be asked to explain why they have not done so.

If you have any questions about this process, please contact the Group Compliance team at Group.Compliance@BigCo.com

Nowhere in all that word soup does it actually say what it is that they want us to do or to not do.

Quote
RESOLVING ACCESS ISSUES
Some users have reported that they see a permission request message when they access the tool, and they have been unsure of how to proceed. This message is part of the security that Microsoft implement around the PowerApps platform used by BigCo.

So not only are they not telling us what they want us to do or not do, but they have cocked up the way that we can or can't get to the electronic form that allows us to confirm that we are doing or not what they want us to do or not do.

Obviously we are more likely to get into trouble for not signing the declaration than we are for doing or not doing whatever it is that they want us do or not do.
Quote from: Kim
Paging Diver300.  Diver300 to the GSM Trimphone, please...

Tim Hall

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #840 on: 12 April, 2024, 09:36:00 am »
Someone on Facebook for Grownups LinkedIn describes themselves as a "C-Suite Consigliere".  I have no idea what this means
There are two ways you can get exercise out of a bicycle: you can
"overhaul" it, or you can ride it.  (Jerome K Jerome)

Regulator

  • That's Councillor Regulator to you...
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #841 on: 12 April, 2024, 10:09:48 am »
Someone on Facebook for Grownups LinkedIn describes themselves as a "C-Suite Consigliere".  I have no idea what this means

"C-suite" = senior management.  Basically, anyone who is a 'Chief' (e.g. CIO, CTO, CFO).

'Consigliere' = an advisor.
Quote from: clarion
I completely agree with Reg.

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robgul

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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #842 on: 12 April, 2024, 10:31:46 am »
Someone on Facebook for Grownups LinkedIn describes themselves as a "C-Suite Consigliere".  I have no idea what this means

"C-suite" = senior management.  Basically, anyone who is a 'Chief' (e.g. CIO, CTO, CFO).

'Consigliere' = an advisor.

Probably really means "bagman"   a.k.a.  dogsbody

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #843 on: 12 April, 2024, 10:57:49 am »
A consigliere is the right hand man to a Mafia boss.  If yon fellow has an Italian-looking surname, steer clear :demon:
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Regulator

  • That's Councillor Regulator to you...
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #844 on: 12 April, 2024, 11:16:25 am »
Someone on Facebook for Grownups LinkedIn describes themselves as a "C-Suite Consigliere".  I have no idea what this means

"C-suite" = senior management.  Basically, anyone who is a 'Chief' (e.g. CIO, CTO, CFO).

'Consigliere' = an advisor.

Probably really means "bagman"   a.k.a.  dogsbody


Most people's knowledge of the term consigliere has come from Mafia films...  but the consigliere in a Mafia film wasn't the bagman.  He was the trusted confidante or fixer.

A consigliere is simply an advisor or counsellor/councillor.  You'll find the term widely used in Italy outside organised crime, e.g. Prof. Vincenzo Buonomo is the consigliere generale dello Stato della Città del Vaticano, and it's used as the formal title of councillors in Italy and Switzerland.
Quote from: clarion
I completely agree with Reg.

Green Party Councillor

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #845 on: 12 April, 2024, 01:41:28 pm »
But unless the person Tim has spotted is working in Italy, it might mean something quite different.
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #846 on: 12 April, 2024, 03:59:45 pm »
When the hospital I worked in, opened a new building, management referred to patients would be admitted to a "treatment pavilion".
i.e. a ward.
I am often asked, what does YOAV stand for? It stands for Yoav On A Velo

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #847 on: 12 April, 2024, 04:25:36 pm »
When the hospital I worked in, opened a new building, management referred to patients would be admitted to a "treatment pavilion".
i.e. a ward.
That's entirely appropriate for knee injuries.