Author Topic: Little Eye On The Provinces (Read 386064 times)

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #2275 on:** 12 December, 2020, 10:50:14 pm »

Garden police send certificate by first class post.

Vernon · « **Reply #2276 on:** 12 December, 2020, 10:56:31 pm »

That's so got to be framed and pinned to a mattress in the front garden.

Clare · « **Reply #2277 on:** 13 December, 2020, 02:10:23 pm »

Time for some creative topiary methinks.

spesh · « **Reply #2278 on:** 13 December, 2020, 05:24:06 pm »

Quote from: Cudzoziemiec on 12 December, 2020, 10:50:14 pm

Garden police send certificate by first class post.

Quote from: Jackie Brown*

Ordell Robbie: Comic Sans, the very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to go passive-aggressive on a neighbour, accept no substitutes.

* May contain traces of LIE.

Jurek · « **Reply #2279 on:** 13 December, 2020, 05:54:26 pm »

The Comic Sans was the first thing I noticed.
At which point I elected to give this nothing further of my time.

rafletcher · « **Reply #2280 on:** 18 December, 2020, 04:30:56 pm »

https://www.bucksfreepress.co.uk/news/18952284.chesham-bois-e-fit-released-man-exposes/

mllePB · « **Reply #2281 on:** 20 December, 2020, 03:43:58 pm »

Pulls up a hand grenade when magnet fishing, when he realises what it is, throws it to one side and carries on to find another 18 before ringing the police

https://www.coventrytelegraph.net/news/coventry-news/fisherman-finds-19-hand-grenades-19489506

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #2282 on:** 20 December, 2020, 05:08:35 pm »

Quote

"After that I was hoping to find a gun or something, but that's what I found, so I called 101."

Naive or shameless!

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #2283 on:** 20 December, 2020, 06:55:36 pm »

Safe grenade?

Moleman76 · « **Reply #2284 on:** 22 December, 2020, 12:35:03 am »

in the redder-necked parts of USAnia, fishing with a "DuPont Lure" [1] used to be done. After deploying said lure, go out in boat and scoop fish off the surface.

[1] named for a major dynamite maker

spesh · « **Reply #2285 on:** 22 December, 2020, 12:58:38 pm »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 20 December, 2020, 06:55:36 pm

Safe grenade?

Given the quickest and easiest method that ordnance disposal folk prefer to use for rendering old munitions into a safe form, even more fool the angler for not specifying that the keepsake had to be intact...

CarlF · « **Reply #2286 on:** 22 December, 2020, 02:09:49 pm »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 20 December, 2020, 06:55:36 pm

Safe grenade?

Blowing Bloody Doors Off, for the use of.

MattH · « **Reply #2287 on:** 22 December, 2020, 06:53:57 pm »

According to the Independent, he took them home in a shopping bag, before his facebook friends suggested he should call the police.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/birmingham-river-grenades-found-bomb-disposal-b1777636.html

Quote

He added: “The bomb squad x-rayed them and said they were safe. They’ve said they are going to dispose of them and I won’t be getting them back. It’s disappointing really because I was told they are from World War Two and I could get £150 for them.”

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #2288 on:** 22 December, 2020, 07:51:38 pm »

I heard from several people in Poland that when the redoubtable Red Army tired of the thanklessness of the Polish people and retired from their task of protecting said people from the evils of capitalism, all sorts of military hardware became available at bargain prices if you asked the right market trader among the potatoes and beetroots. Fishing by grenade became a popular pastime for a while.

graculus · « **Reply #2289 on:** 22 December, 2020, 07:55:37 pm »

https://www.expressandstar.com/news/local-hubs/dudley/brierley-hill/2020/12/22/suspicious-behaviour-in-brierley-hill-turns-out-to-be-men-walking-pet-owl/

rogerzilla · « **Reply #2290 on:** 24 December, 2020, 02:21:01 pm »

https://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/18968957.carrie-fielding-melksham-received-grinch-christmas-card-failing-put-festive-lights/

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #2291 on:** 24 December, 2020, 08:33:39 pm »

Quote from: rogerzilla on 24 December, 2020, 02:21:01 pm

https://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/18968957.carrie-fielding-melksham-received-grinch-christmas-card-failing-put-festive-lights/

Merriness nazis!

quixoticgeek · « **Reply #2292 on:** 08 January, 2021, 04:03:53 pm »

Body in field turns out to be... a potatoe with a mushroom growing next to it...

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-55585065

J

andrewc · « **Reply #2293 on:** 09 January, 2021, 04:42:49 pm »

https://www.abarnett.co.uk/property-details/rps_arm-BUR200111/ Very nice if you've got the dosh , but 7 floors & no lift...

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #2294 on:** 09 January, 2021, 05:54:46 pm »

No need for a lift, it's got a big garage door to keep your bikes in.

If it still had its sails, you could generate your own electricity.

Kim · « **Reply #2295 on:** 10 January, 2021, 01:17:35 pm »

Meanwhile, in Kent: https://www.kentonline.co.uk/folkestone/news/weird-humming-noise-plagues-rural-towns-240498/

(A recording of the noise is conspicuously absent.)

andrewc · « **Reply #2296 on:** 10 January, 2021, 01:20:32 pm »

It's all those stranded truck drivers passing the time with their battery powered sex arses.....

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #2297 on:** 10 January, 2021, 01:25:07 pm »

Quote from: Kim on 10 January, 2021, 01:17:35 pm

Meanwhile, in Kent: https://www.kentonline.co.uk/folkestone/news/weird-humming-noise-plagues-rural-towns-240498/

(A recording of the noise is conspicuously absent.)

It probably sounds like this: https://www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/what-bristol-hum-sounds-looks-1646478

T42 · « **Reply #2298 on:** 10 January, 2021, 01:32:58 pm »

Quote from: Cudzoziemiec on 10 January, 2021, 01:25:07 pm

Quote from: Kim on 10 January, 2021, 01:17:35 pm
Meanwhile, in Kent: https://www.kentonline.co.uk/folkestone/news/weird-humming-noise-plagues-rural-towns-240498/

(A recording of the noise is conspicuously absent.)
It probably sounds like this: https://www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/what-bristol-hum-sounds-looks-1646478

Complete with rhythm section. Impressive.

Kim · « **Reply #2299 on:** 10 January, 2021, 01:42:09 pm »

Now I'm wondering if every region has a mystery hum...

*googles*

Yeah, pretty much, especially those with REACH newspapers:

https://www.derbytelegraph.co.uk/news/derby-news/chellaston-derby-mystery-humming-noise-3355111

https://www.examinerlive.co.uk/news/local-news/mysterious-humming-noise-driving-people-19401009

https://www.gazetteandherald.co.uk/news/15996481.mysterious-humming-noise-drives-pair-house/

Just to be different: https://www.birminghammail.co.uk/black-country/mysterious-ringing-noise-dudley-sending-17176097

Our local mystery noise is a BIP! of the type made by smoke alarms with a low battery at 5am, except it's 24/7 and louder outdoors (though comes and goes with the wind direction). My solution to this has been to invest in a fire alarm system that can report battery status in a more definitive way, and to ignore it.