I hate "passed" and "passed away" too but I've had people (young) specifically ask me to replace "died" with passed away when I did some sharing of news about a disabled mutual dying suddenly a few years back. They felt "died" was too harsh and didn't like to read it.
When the hospital called to tell us MrsT's mum had died the bloke was so flustered with trying to break it gently that he told me we could come when we liked to see her and collect her bougies (candles or spark-plugs) instead of bijoux (jewellery).
I had the idiotic phone conversation with a bloke from Southampton General who was trying to tell me my mum had died in the period between his 0300 phone call to tell us she was heading toward the exit door of the departure lounge (my phrase, not his) and that moment, which was about 2 hours later. The guy had a very strong Indian accent, it was a crappy phone line from a busy, noisy hospital, I'm partially deaf, and I was a passenger in a small car moving at some speed between home in Mid-Wales, and Southampton. In the end I just said to him "are you trying to tell me she's dead?", he said yes, and I said fine, we'll be there in 2-3 hours. The hospital refrained from referring to her as having passed, but said there was a nurse with her when she died. Thank you, lovely nurse! When we called in at the funeral directors later that day, we started with "please don't start with the sombre consoling stuff, we're actually relieved she's escaped at last, it was definitely what she wanted." We then just got on with the details very happily, and all went well. Dealing with her death whilst living 200 miles away was far less painful than dealing with her being "sort of alive" from that distance. I absolutely hate the term "passed"! BTW, I was amused when I realise "bougies" mean spark plugs, as well as candles. Nearly as amused as realising railway engine buffers are tampons.
I'm reading a book written by a USAnian funeral director. He refers the dead person as "decedent". Eh? Is that used here, as I always though they were referred to as "the deceased"?
Footnote: on the day of my mum's funeral, the Queen died. Sad, but didn't affect us. The hotel was also host to a large wedding party, who seemed to be lovely people. I felt sad for them, thinking of years in the future when someone asked what was memorable about their wedding day, and having to say "the Queen died".
