Today, being the warmest day of the year so far, was chain-cleaning day. Normally I do this while barakta is at work, because solvents give her migraine, but since that hasn't been an option, my chain had got to the point of squeaks and low-level misbehaviour[1], forcing the issue.
So, with barakta safely hiding in the back garden with a Chromebook, I was able to do the Sheldon Shake in the kitchen, followed by general drivetrain de-crudding and lubrication with both front and back doors open. I then proceeded to general washing of the rest of the bike, during which Student1 appeared to chat mid-bike-ride at a socially distant 2 metres with Student2 from nextdoor. I heard her remark that she was completely knackered because her tyres were flat, and glancing at her bike, I was able to confirm this completely unexaggerated diagnosis. They were staying on the rims through the stubbornness of Marathon Pluses.
Using a clean bit of industrial-strength fettling tissue, I grabbed the backup track pump from its shelf in the Cupboard of Doom, and deposited it on the pavement outside, saying that I couldn't help overhear, and don't worry, that one's been untouched for weeks, much to the appreciation of Student1. I then provided a socially-distanced tutorial on Presta valves, and they got the tyres up to a respectable 80PSI before I reclaimed the pump for a thorough wipe-down and re-shelving.
[1] Some of this is down to grotty gear cable outers, but I'm holding off on replacing those because it seems like a waste to put shiny new cables on just to ride around in circles.