The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[Mr Larrington]

I started working for MAID in 1997 and ended up (not) working for Thomson, having also worked for Dialog in the middle.  All without changing jobs.

Ah - with Dan Wagner . . .  I recollect meeting him sometime in the MAID or Dialog days when he turned up wearing a bizarre waistcoat printed with a cartoon picture of a penguin.  WTF?

He could be a bit of an oddball with regard to his weskits, but otoh he used to buy everybody ice cream when the office got too warm and the sound of his V8 Vantage with the RS Williams big-bore engine conversion in the underground car park will stay with me to the grave.

[robgul]

Fitting new tyres to the staff transport (a.k.a. our cleaning lady's bike) I let down the tube by removing the Schraeder valve core . . . . fitted new tyre and refitted tube, applied pump to seat tyre etc - remove pump head with large gust of air . . .  WTF - ah, replacing the valve core would have been a good idea 

It got worse, second tyre fitted but the tube must have been trapped by the tyre bead resulting in a bit of a bang . . . .  I didn't have any 6" long patches to repair the split in the tube 

[andrewc]

Forgot to put the paddle in the breadmaker when I set it up last night.  No nice warm loaf for breakfast then .   

[hatler]

Bah !  I've done that too.

[citoyen]

I think everyone who owns a bread machine has done it. At least once.

DAMHIKT

[Peter]

Fitting new tyres to the staff transport (a.k.a. our cleaning lady's bike) I let down the tube by removing the Schraeder valve core . . . . fitted new tyre and refitted tube, applied pump to seat tyre etc - remove pump head with large gust of air . . .  WTF - ah, replacing the valve core would have been a good idea 

It got worse, second tyre fitted but the tube must have been trapped by the tyre bead resulting in a bit of a bang . . . .  I didn't have any 6" long patches to repair the split in the tube 

You any good at cleaning?

[robgul]

Fitting new tyres to the staff transport (a.k.a. our cleaning lady's bike) I let down the tube by removing the Schraeder valve core . . . . fitted new tyre and refitted tube, applied pump to seat tyre etc - remove pump head with large gust of air . . .  WTF - ah, replacing the valve core would have been a good idea 

It got worse, second tyre fitted but the tube must have been trapped by the tyre bead resulting in a bit of a bang . . . .  I didn't have any 6" long patches to repair the split in the tube 

You any good at cleaning?

All was not lost I had a spare tube in stock (albeit a 27.5/650 that I put in a 700 wheel - only one I had with the right valve - it worked)   Maria picked up the bike, pleased as punch . . .  and asked if she could bring her "spare bike" for some attention

[Cudzoziemiec]

Forgot to put the paddle in the breadmaker when I set it up last night.  No nice warm loaf for breakfast then .   

But did you put the yeast in?

[Cudzoziemiec]

Yesterday I phoned for a taxi to take me to the station. "Which station?" asked the voice on the line. "New Street station?" This should have rung alarm bells as I was in fact in Shipley, which is near Bradford and not at all near Mordor Central or any of Brum's other stations. But at this point I FD'ed. In my slight defence, Shipley station is on a triangle, with not only platforms but distinct buildings on two separate lines (one stub into Bradford, the other from Leeds on to Skipton and over the Pennines) and the platforms on the latter line are much newer than the others. So perhaps it was referred to locally as New Station? But no, I had of course dialled the wrong code, misreading a 7 as a 1. It was just chance that the same number in a different area was also allocated to a taxi.

Except, it got me thinking, it wasn't really chance, was it? A repetitive series of easily remembered numbers is likely to be a taxi or similar business. Probably you could try the same number preceded by almost any area code and get a taxi...

AA Carz (sic), Shipley: 01274 584444 if you want to play along on your own bill!

[citoyen]

A repetitive series of easily remembered numbers is likely to be a taxi or similar business. Probably you could try the same number preceded by almost any area code and get a taxi...

True that. Some of the local cab firm numbers for Canterbury:
01227 444444
01227 555555
01227 498888
01227 722222

I recommend none of them (honestly, the local taxis are so awful that I have on occasion chosen to walk the five miles home in the rain rather than use any of them).

[Cudzoziemiec]

This lot did turned up promptly, made appropriate communications ('Your taxi has been dispatched...' 'Your taxi has arrived at your address. Red Toyota Prius registration...') and charged a reasonable fare. None of which negates the fact that 99 times out of 100, it's better to walk anyway.

[Kim]

On a related note, having just been jibbling VoIP things, I recently learned that AAISP classify the memorability (and therefore price) of phone numbers according to elements in the periodic table, on a range from Tin to that well-known transition metal, Taxi.

[Kim]

I recommend none of them (honestly, the local taxis are so awful that I have on occasion chosen to walk the five miles home in the rain rather than use any of them).

When I was a PSO, Aristocars was the preferred option, on the somewhat tragic basis that:

a) They could tell the difference between Cambridge Road and Cambridge Way
b) The drivers weren't impatient with my ex's physical impairments
c) They tended to use moderately posh saloon cars and not drive like nutters, which matters when you have vertigo

They were, however, more expensive than most of the others, and no quicker at turning up.

I note they didn't have a memorable phone number.

[Cudzoziemiec]

Two other elements of my FDery were that on my initial misdialling, they didn't answer "AA Carz" but "Castle Cars". I didn't pay any attention to this because I assumed they'd just changed hands or maybe I'd been redirected from the local branch to some national taxi monopoly they had been subsumed into. Or something. And secondly, they answered in an accent that even my southern ears could detect were not broad Yorkshire vowels but squashed Brummie muddy ones. But hey, people move around. However, it turns out that Castle Cars of Birmingham have numerous numbers listed, but none match what I must have dialled: http://castle-cars.co.uk/contact-us/

So, even more redirections!

Unless, of course, I made more dialling mistakes than I thought. I mean, who even makes phone calls nowadays?

[Kim]

Two other elements of my FDery were that on my initial misdialling, they didn't answer "AA Carz" but "Castle Cars".

Castle Cars are responsible for altogether too much standing in the cold muttering darkly about not having a Brompton handy.  Obviously I should have got someone in Yorkshire to call them.

They also do a good line in reflexively dispatching taxis to their *other* Typetalk Textrelay Relay UK user.


Further rants about Birmingham taxi firms can be provided by barakta, who has to deal with the worst of them [That'll be TOA then - Ed] in her professional capacity.

[barakta]

These days I use Uber... Quicker, reliably come to the right place 95% of the time or will move if I say I couldn't walk to RoundTheCorner and no more phonecalls.

[Cudzoziemiec]

Two other elements of my FDery were that on my initial misdialling, they didn't answer "AA Carz" but "Castle Cars".

Castle Cars are responsible for altogether too much standing in the cold muttering darkly about not having a Brompton handy.  Obviously I should have got someone in Yorkshire to call them.

They also do a good line in reflexively dispatching taxis to their *other* Typetalk Textrelay Relay UK user.


Further rants about Birmingham taxi firms can be provided by barakta, who has to deal with the worst of them [That'll be TOA then - Ed] in her professional capacity.

Good job Birmingham doesn't have a Wellington Crescent (if google maps is to be believed) or the could have turned up there wanting to take someone to a train station in Yorkshire!

[barakta]

TOA aren't bad. I know the email address for their competent human! 

[T42]

Managed to bring a finger into contact with a Very Extremely Hot Bit of my coffee roaster. It still stings an hour later.

[Mr Larrington]

No, you div, no matter how long and hard you press the “Mute” button on that remote control* the amplifier will still not switch on

* Yes, it IS the right remote.

[T42]

No, you div, no matter how long and hard you press the “Mute” button on that remote control* the amplifier will still not switch on

* Yes, it IS the right remote.

Despair not, fair sir.  A couple of days ago I went half-bonkers trying to use the IR remote release on my camera only to find, after fumbling through menus & half-forgotten external controls, that it was back to front and I was zapping the palm of my hand.

[rafletcher]

Posting on behalf of my stepson. About 6 years ago he decided to get his PhD from St Mary’s. And on the back of that went job hunting for his first “proper” job at the age of 42, his prior (and still concurrent) occupation being musician. He landed a job in Berlin, with a multi-cultural company where the common language is English, so he’s never learnt much German, his Hungarian wife being sufficiently proficient. And meantime, because Brexit, he’s become an Irish citizen.

Anyway the company is generous enough to allow its employees (who mostly work from home anyway these days) to spend 3 months of the year working from abroad. So he decides to spend November - January in Air BnB’s in Tenerife, out in the sticks. He’ll just hire a car occasionally. Oh.

His UK photo licence, that he could have exchanged for a German one within his first 6 months in Germany, for the princely sum of €40 (plus attending a first aid course) has expired. And guess what, you can’t renew it unless you’re a resident in the UK. And have to provide the addresses you’ve lived at for t the last 3 years.    So now he’s stuck x hoping to be able to use his paper licence to hire a car.

[Auntie Helen]

I exchanged my photo licence without having to do the first aid course, but that was before Brexit. Not that this helps your stepson!

Could he use your address to renew the Uk licence - that’s what most expats used to do.

[T42]

I exchanged my photo licence without having to do the first aid course, but that was before Brexit. Not that this helps your stepson!

Penny dropped. I've been reading the last two posts thinking they were written by licensed photojournalists. Then: first aid course to take photographs..? Gotcha.

[rafletcher]

I exchanged my photo licence without having to do the first aid course, but that was before Brexit. Not that this helps your stepson!

Could he use your address to renew the Uk licence - that’s what most expats used to do.

Yeah, I think his mother will suggest that - but it's too late for this trip as he's flying out on Wednesday!