This weekend's disaster-fest line-up.
Ferocious Planet. I enjoyed this one, it's what happens if you put Irish folk in charge of interdimensional travel. O the craic! Involved the fantastic line 'don't poke the alien.' And no, really, don't. Featured that chap from Stargate Atlantis who's always good value. Don't say I don't have my Syfy casting knowledge chops. Female lead's stylish choice of heels paid off (to be fair, no one arrived at work that day expecting transdimensional travel, but the lesson I feel, is don't take your day at at the office for granted). Well you trying pulling someone out of quicksand in flats, dig in those heels and pull. The weird thing about this movie was that no ones' clothes got dirty, despite the gore, quickstand, general dirt, and sweat. Pristine (you might be dead, but there's no laundry). That was more mysterious than transdimensional travel. Also, the secret of cold fusion revealed. Use stream water and refrigerant (ammonia) from monster eggs. Sure you have to purify it by running it through a piece of tissue first.
5th Passenger. A bunch of Star Trek bit-part players get stuck in a lifepod with an alien. A hungry alien. I also quite enjoyed this one, and the twist was pleasingly well done. Admittedly, I've been stuck in worse carriages of the last train home (aka The Vomit Comet – come on Syfy, The Vomit Comet is movie concept gold, call my agent for details).
Fearing I've strayed beyond the disaster domain, we switched track to Metal Tornado. What if, say, you invertantly lost a bunch of wildly spinning magnetic energy while downloading the power from a solar flare. It's been a worry of mine for a while. And well, magnetism. Sucking up everything that's metal (aluminium, I demand you surrender to the pull) into a swirling metallic maelstrom. Bonus points for the free-range chainsaw. I cannot be the only person who sees storm chaser footage of a tornado and thinks thank god that's not metal. Also, I think the film crew must be thanked for the way they always Americanize these Canadian productions. They must runaround tearing down the Maple Leafs. If only the Americans found out The Truth.
And finally, Tornado Warning. Basically every meteorologist in American has invented an early warning system that works perfectly until the first test in front of the bigwigs, were it duly fails and discredits the creator, forcing them into LOFO-TV-5 obscuring and state college teaching positions. But at the end, it pays dividends, the bigwigs eat a big slice of humble pie, and it saves a town and a couple of wayward teenagers (who are typically cast in their late twenties). I think this one lacked teenagers, but a town and it's dullard mayor were saved. If only someone could invent – maybe a discredited seismologist has already – an earthquake early warning system!
