Author Topic: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances  (Read 122037 times)

Wowbagger

  • Former Sylph
    • Stuff mostly about weather
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #175 on: 12 October, 2013, 09:01:16 am »
Martha was overheard by her mother and other grandparents using the word "Bugger!" This amused her grandma but her mother advised not saying it at playgroup. It has been filed under the category "Granddad Peter words". Objection your honour! My daughter uses a far richer vocabulary than I do.
Quote from: Dez
It doesn’t matter where you start. Just start.

rogerzilla

  • When n+1 gets out of hand
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #176 on: 09 November, 2013, 12:56:52 pm »
Apparently Miss Z the elder has told all her schoolfriends that Daddy has a really big willy.

I'll just let that one percolate to the yummy mummies of the village.
Hard work sometimes pays off in the end, but laziness ALWAYS pays off NOW.

Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #177 on: 09 November, 2013, 01:23:46 pm »
Miss magnolia the younger: dad, its very early to have a beer!
Dad: well, its just after 1pm on a Saturday. Seems perfect to me.
Miss m: that's only because mum is away in Newcastle just now, isn't it?

Paul

  • L'enfer, c'est les autos.
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #178 on: 09 November, 2013, 05:12:55 pm »
Miss magnolia the younger: dad, its very early to have a beer!
Dad: well, its just after 1pm on a Saturday. Seems perfect to me.
Miss m: that's only because mum is away in Newcastle just now, isn't it?
So few words, so much revealed.

(BTW, 1pm on a Saturday is perfect)
What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?

Eccentrica Gallumbits

  • Rock 'n' roll and brew, rock 'n' roll and brew...
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #179 on: 09 November, 2013, 08:20:45 pm »
Apparently Miss Z the elder has told all her schoolfriends that Daddy has a really big willy.

I'll just let that one percolate to the yummy mummies of the village.
My mum says one of the most embarrassing situations of her life was me on the bus with her, just before my little brother was born. She was very very pregnant, I wasn't quite two, and in one of those moments of silence on the bus, I announced, apropos of nothing, "my daddy has a big penis."
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.


CrinklyLion

  • The one with devious, cake-pushing ways....
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #180 on: 27 November, 2013, 10:28:56 pm »
SmallestCub, on the way to school this morning, apropos of nothing whatsoever...

Quote
Danny MacAskill is awesome!

Vince

  • Can't climb; won't climb
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #181 on: 28 November, 2013, 10:26:57 am »
Can't argue with that.
216km from Marsh Gibbon

Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #182 on: 28 November, 2013, 10:33:48 am »
Just wait until he wants to start copying Danny's tricks.....










on the Helios  :demon:

T42

  • Apprentice geezer
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #183 on: 28 November, 2013, 10:51:32 am »
When my son was about three I thought I'd give him some idea of maps.  I went through the whole bit of drawing a plan of our flat, and pointing out how you could go from one room to another and point to where you were on the plan.  He liked the idea and caught on all right, so I then drew a zoomed-out view showing our building, the car park and the supermarket across the way. He caught on to that pretty quickly, I thought, so I got out the large-scale Michelin and progressively showed him our street, then our town, etc. Finally I got out the atlas, put it beside the map (of France, now) and turned to the map of Europe. I put my finger on Yorkshire and said "and that's where Granny and Grandad live."

The nipper put his finger on Cyprus.

"Yes," he says, "and there's a duck on the river!"

End of lesson.
I've dusted off all those old bottles and set them up straight

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #184 on: 28 November, 2013, 10:59:06 am »
I was a bit late picking up Little Cudzo from school yesterday - not so late he wouldn't still be playing tag with his friends in the playground or that anyone would complain, but late enough that I decided to run a bit. As I was running, I passed a vaguely recognised boy of about five, heading home with his dad. Vaguely Recognised Boy Of About Five hailed me as follows:
VRBOAF - Hello!
Me - Hello.
VRBOAF - Are you in a hurry?
 ;D
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #185 on: 30 November, 2013, 05:33:48 pm »
And the next day was almost the opposite. I had dropped Little Cudzo off at school and was sitting for a minute on one of the benches under the beeches and birches with their yellow leaves, when a boy who I recognised as being in the year above came ambling passed. He recognised me too and said hello. It was now about nine o'clock, school starts at quarter to, and he was sauntering along without a care in the world. "You're a bit late," I said, and he just stood there and smiled at me. "You'd better hurry," I suggested, and this time, off he ran.
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

CrinklyLion

  • The one with devious, cake-pushing ways....
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #186 on: 03 December, 2013, 07:48:53 am »
EldestCub has just delegated to the SmallestCub the task of sending an excited text message to thier dad while the EldestCub installs whatever game they have just purchased on Steam, after I topped up his credit on the account and the ensuing balancing of IOUs in piggy banks (fortunately neither of my kids charge me interest). I pointed out that he might not know how to text, what with him never having done it before and not having a phone and being 6 and all.... some elderly brotherly tuition sort of followed, then:

SmallestCub "Where's the w?  Oh, it's just like a keyboard!  W....e... h..a..v..e...   oops, just one space, backspace, better [etc etc] There!  Oh, no, I need a full stop.  No - an exclamation mark!"

Grammatically correct txts ftw!

barakta

  • Bastard lovechild of Yomiko Readman and Johnny 5
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #187 on: 03 December, 2013, 08:29:21 am »
 :thumbsup:

T42

  • Apprentice geezer
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #188 on: 03 December, 2013, 09:37:11 am »
A colleague of mine once recounted this.

He was watching his local team play rugby, and had taken along his 3-year-old daughter.  The kicker was having an off-day, and was coming in for a bit of barracking.  At one point, when he was setting up his kick, this got so intense that he turned to the onlookers and gave them the traditional two-word telling-off, with gestures.

About at week later, chum & daughter were playing ball in the back garden - i.e. she would throw to him, he'd catch it, throw it back and she would drop it.  After half a dozen of these failed catches she fetched the ball, teed it up, and carefully paced out a run-up.

She then turned to an imaginary crowd, gave a vicious double V-sign and shouted "F*** OFF!"
I've dusted off all those old bottles and set them up straight

Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #189 on: 07 December, 2013, 08:08:20 am »
Grammatically correct txts ftw!

On which note, Miss Dan the Younger is doing her Christmas cards for school... "I'm adding punctuation [to the pre printed message]"

Gus

  • Loosing weight stone by stone
    • We will return

Arellcat

  • Velonautte
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #191 on: 18 December, 2013, 09:39:23 pm »
I particularly liked no.5.
Quote from: Morningsider
I like that you think any of your conveyances might qualify as "a disguise".

Eccentrica Gallumbits

  • Rock 'n' roll and brew, rock 'n' roll and brew...
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #192 on: 19 December, 2013, 07:50:55 am »
Friend's daughter: mummy, this satsuma just pssssed in my face.
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.


Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #193 on: 23 December, 2013, 11:09:38 pm »
My wife's nephew (seven anna half. Ish), on being offered cake and enquiring as to its nature:

I like fruit
   And I like cake
        So I
             (wavy hand gesture, ending up with both arms crossed like a demented rapper)
                   *LOVE* fruit cake

Two or three minutes later:
(Mrs JS) Well I'll tell you what we'll do, I'll do the cutting and you can ...
(Nephew, interrupting, grinning) I can do the eating of cake!

Dave_C

  • Trying to get rid of my belly... and failing!
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #194 on: 24 December, 2013, 11:45:15 am »
5 yr old son this morning, 'Dad when we die we turn in to fairys, then hippos, then turkeys, then crocodiles, then pussy cats, then skellington!'
@DaveCrampton < wot a twit.
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Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #195 on: 24 December, 2013, 03:40:31 pm »
5 yr old son this morning, 'Dad when we die we turn in to fairys, then hippos, then turkeys, then crocodiles, then pussy cats, then skellington!'

Has he been watching Fantasia?

Eccentrica Gallumbits

  • Rock 'n' roll and brew, rock 'n' roll and brew...
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #196 on: 27 December, 2013, 11:12:16 am »
A friend of my dad's has his birthday on 21st December. He was telling us how he was very upset about it when he was little, because it was so unfair he got a shorter birthday than everyone else.  ;D
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.


Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #197 on: 31 December, 2013, 02:41:39 pm »
http://distractify.com/fun/fails/test-answers-that-are-totally-wrong-but-still-genius/
Nos. 8 and 24 make I larf out loud. My family seem to look at the thing and give it back to me with a quizzical eyebrow raised. I've told them they don't think they are funny because they don't understand smartarse humour. It's good that a new year starts tomorrow!

CrinklyLion

  • The one with devious, cake-pushing ways....
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #198 on: 04 January, 2014, 09:27:16 am »
The Cubs, with a friend each, and I went to the NMeM yesterday to see the 50 years of Doctor Who fandom exhibition.  Dalek-tastic :D

Our return journey was a delayed Northern Rail service back to York, and as we stomped up the stairs and over the bridge from platform 7 towards the front of the station there was a frustration of Other People with luggage the size of houses doing all that annoying stuff like stopping right at the top of the stairs and walking 3 abreast _incredibly_slowly_ which meant that we arrived at the bus stops just in time to see our planned bus home leaving.  Bah.  As there were no more buses to the end of our street for quite a while, and the taxi Q was huge (plus we'd have needed a non-standard large taxi to all fit in) we decided to catch the other bus that goes to the next street along so is a five minute walk home but runs frequently.  It also goes to the uni.

It was rammed with returning students, mostly wielding luggage the size of houses.  Many of whom were standing in the aisle with said luggage the size of houses.  Despite the back half of the bus being basically empty.  We managed to squeeze past and found some seats... but by the time we got to our stop two of 'em had picked  seats on opposite sides of the aisle and wedged their luggage side by side, completely filling the aisle and there were about 7 other suitcases to add to the fun of the assault course that we had to negotiate to disembark.  All of which could have been avoided if the people sitting in the folding seats had moved and a few of 'em had gone to the back of the bus. 

As we walked back to the Den, there may have been a mild (non sweary) CrinklyRant about inconsiderate people not looking past the end of their own noses. 

The EldestCub's friend looked at me and said with perfect deadpan face and just the right tinge of mildly contemptuous sympathy for the poor unfortunates, "Well.... they are students."

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: Perfectly Sensible Child Utterances
« Reply #199 on: 05 January, 2014, 07:44:59 pm »
Little Cudzo is recording himself singing on his DS: "Pizzas and broccoli make me happy when I eat them woppom gangnam style."
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.