The Grumble Thread - No energy for a full on rant.

[Torslanda]

Got home from dropping Miss Moltonaught the Junior off at a school play rehearsal to discover the nearside front brake caliper on the little red truck had seized on - cue red hot brake disc

<SNIP>

Ho Hum...

I think the truck realised we're about to sell it      much as we love it - having a two seater isn't the most sensible car for family of 5! no matter ho good the bike carrying abilities....

That makes you a prime candidate for a 'Honest I'm not gay! MitsiNissanYota Super Thunder Patrol Meister' pickup.

Or something . . .

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

Seriously? I seriously had to notify you of special dietary requirements if I wanted any of the lunchtime buffet sandwiches to be vegetarian? It's really that weird to eat cheese or egg? I can understand you might struggle with hummus or roasted veg or spicy bean pate, but not -meat not-fish shouldn't need a special request.

*flounces out to local cafe and pays a fiver for an unpleasant foccacia*

[Mr Larrington]

Seriously? I seriously had to notify you of special dietary requirements if I wanted any of the lunchtime buffet sandwiches to be vegetarian? It's really that weird to eat cheese or egg? I can understand you might struggle with hummus or roasted veg or spicy bean pate, but not -meat not-fish shouldn't need a special request.

*flounces out to local cafe and pays a fiver for an unpleasant foccacia*

Welcome to Scotland

Now, why is a 33 page manual in PDF form half as big again as a 220 page one

[tiermat]

Pictures and/or lots of different fonts, Mr L.

[Mr Larrington]

The worst offender appears to be the one for the Pioneer squeaker system.  112 pages coz it's in nine languages and covers both the sub-woofer and the squeaker package.  18 Mb.  How hard can it be to separate into a one file per language wossname, dolts?

The text of Dr Larrington's latest book - single font, no illustrations - is 890 kb for 116 pages.

[clarion]

Seriously? I seriously had to notify you of special dietary requirements if I wanted any of the lunchtime buffet sandwiches to be vegetarian? It's really that weird to eat cheese or egg? I can understand you might struggle with hummus or roasted veg or spicy bean pate, but not -meat not-fish shouldn't need a special request.

*flounces out to local cafe and pays a fiver for an unpleasant foccacia*

Pet peeve!

If you're catering for a bunch of NHS types, you can expect nearly 50% veggie.  A couple of scraggly cheese and onion on white bread isn't going to work.

[Kim]

Seriously? I seriously had to notify you of special dietary requirements if I wanted any of the lunchtime buffet sandwiches to be vegetarian? It's really that weird to eat cheese or egg? I can understand you might struggle with hummus or roasted veg or spicy bean pate, but not -meat not-fish shouldn't need a special request.

*flounces out to local cafe and pays a fiver for an unpleasant foccacia*

Pet peeve!

If you're catering for a bunch of NHS types, you can expect nearly 50% veggie.  A couple of scraggly cheese and onion on white bread isn't going to work.

And if it's the QUILTBAGs....well, if they can't work that one out, they might as well organise the protest snog-in themselves.

See also: Geeks and the provision of real ale.


There seem to be a surprising number of people in the catering business who need to get out more.

[barakta]

Vestibular system is being fail and I don't know why.  Middle ear seems OK. I'm no more tired than usual. Haven't eaten any of the usual pharmaceutical triggers.  *scowl*  I'd better not be getting vestibular effects off diclofenac now too    Fneh!

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

Seriously? I seriously had to notify you of special dietary requirements if I wanted any of the lunchtime buffet sandwiches to be vegetarian? It's really that weird to eat cheese or egg? I can understand you might struggle with hummus or roasted veg or spicy bean pate, but not -meat not-fish shouldn't need a special request.

*flounces out to local cafe and pays a fiver for an unpleasant foccacia*

Pet peeve!

If you're catering for a bunch of NHS types, you can expect nearly 50% veggie.  A couple of scraggly cheese and onion on white bread isn't going to work.

And if it's the QUILTBAGs....well, if they can't work that one out, they might as well organise the protest snog-in themselves.

See also: Geeks and the provision of real ale.


There seem to be a surprising number of people in the catering business who need to get out more.

I think the caterers just did what they were told by the company who organised the course.

[clarion]

Quite.  My criticism is of whoever decided the catering, not who did it.

Mind you, a caterer with nous might have queried the proportions.

[Bledlow]

Seriously? I seriously had to notify you of special dietary requirements if I wanted any of the lunchtime buffet sandwiches to be vegetarian? It's really that weird to eat cheese or egg? I can understand you might struggle with hummus or roasted veg or spicy bean pate, but not -meat not-fish shouldn't need a special request.

*flounces out to local cafe and pays a fiver for an unpleasant foccacia*

Pet peeve!

If you're catering for a bunch of NHS types, you can expect nearly 50% veggie.  A couple of scraggly cheese and onion on white bread isn't going to work.

And if it's the QUILTBAGs....well, if they can't work that one out, they might as well organise the protest snog-in themselves.

See also: Geeks and the provision of real ale.


There seem to be a surprising number of people in the catering business who need to get out more.

Indeed. Though the example I remember, of a firm providing a meal for a few hundred admin, IT, advertising & publishing staff which offered an entirely carnivorous menu, & when told that was unacceptable, suggested a cheese salad as the only non-meat option, was a long time ago.


The menu miraculously became much more vegetarian-friendly when the customer, which was the company employing the diners, threatened to cancel, & ignore the 'pay n% if cancelling after x_date' clause on the grounds of the caterer failing to fulfil the contract. I missed it, but was told afterwards that the veggie options were rather good. So they could do it, but didn't want to bother.

[Pingu]

Seriously? I seriously had to notify you of special dietary requirements if I wanted any of the lunchtime buffet sandwiches to be vegetarian? It's really that weird to eat cheese or egg? I can understand you might struggle with hummus or roasted veg or spicy bean pate, but not -meat not-fish shouldn't need a special request.

*flounces out to local cafe and pays a fiver for an unpleasant foccacia*

Pet peeve!

If you're catering for a bunch of NHS types, you can expect nearly 50% veggie.  A couple of scraggly cheese and onion on white bread isn't going to work.

And if it's the QUILTBAGs....well, if they can't work that one out, they might as well organise the protest snog-in themselves.

See also: Geeks and the provision of real ale.


There seem to be a surprising number of people in the catering business who need to get out more.

Are you calling me a geek?





Hold on, 'provision of real ale' What sort of meetings do you go to 

[mcshroom]

I didn't manage the provision of my own lunch today. My stew was defrosted, zapped back to hot in the microwave, decanted carefully into the thermos... and left on the kitchen side

I wondered why everything seemed to fit in my rack-bag so easily this morning

[Ruthie]

I  just ate a tin of beans, straight out of the tin at work yesterday, to associated cat-calls.  Very nice, too.  You can always have it for tea M   

[ian]

As an equal opportunity sandwich buyer for meetings the problem is that by trying to please everyone you seemingly please none of them. So at the end of the meeting you end up with comments forms scrawled with 'NoT eNoUGH MeAt!' (that's how carnivores write) or a three hundred word emails about the deep ism I've perpetrated by not including an appropriate level of baba ganoush (that's how vegans write). What is guaranteed is that there will be a pile of partly disemboweled and curling veggie sandwiches at the end. Always. Even at meetings where the lack of veggie options is decried, they'll still be there. As someone once said to me with a pained expression: 'I don't like cooked vegetables.' She turned her nose up at the crudité selection and settled for nibbling a cheese sandwich. Her last words as she left was that 'she was lactose intolerant' like somehow I was responsible for her next bowel movement. What do you bloody eat?

Yes, you say, ask about dietary requirements on the registration form. Good idea. Except they don't fill it in. 'Oh I just thought you'd have a wide selection of lactose-, gluten-free Kosher sandwiches and no, I'm I can't eat aubergine, how dare you.' I'll be honest, when I wade through the comments forms after meetings, it's always about the food, and rarely about the meeting. It's like these people just attend to eat. They must not have food at home, they just flit from event to event, like some ravening – if rather picky – hoard.

[Canardly]

Taxable benefit sarnies, unless they are for training......don'tyaknow? Soon stops all this nonsense.

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

As an equal opportunity sandwich buyer for meetings the problem is that by trying to please everyone you seemingly please none of them. So at the end of the meeting you end up with comments forms scrawled with 'NoT eNoUGH MeAt!' (that's how carnivores write) or a three hundred word emails about the deep ism I've perpetrated by not including an appropriate level of baba ganoush (that's how vegans write). What is guaranteed is that there will be a pile of partly disemboweled and curling veggie sandwiches at the end. Always. Even at meetings where the lack of veggie options is decried, they'll still be there. As someone once said to me with a pained expression: 'I don't like cooked vegetables.' She turned her nose up at the crudité selection and settled for nibbling a cheese sandwich. Her last words as she left was that 'she was lactose intolerant' like somehow I was responsible for her next bowel movement. What do you bloody eat?

Yes, you say, ask about dietary requirements on the registration form. Good idea. Except they don't fill it in. 'Oh I just thought you'd have a wide selection of lactose-, gluten-free Kosher sandwiches and no, I'm I can't eat aubergine, how dare you.' I'll be honest, when I wade through the comments forms after meetings, it's always about the food, and rarely about the meeting. It's like these people just attend to eat. They must not have food at home, they just flit from event to event, like some ravening – if rather picky – hoard.

I think the vegans and the gluten-frees and the lactose-frees and the no-peanuts people would reasonably expect to fill in the dietary requirements bit or go hungry. I think providing sandwiches for 80 people and only having 6 actual no-meat no-fish sandwiches is ridiculous. They'd even done mini baked potatoes - and filled them with haddock.

[ian]

rant-o-matic

I think the vegans and the gluten-frees and the lactose-frees and the no-peanuts people would reasonably expect to fill in the dietary requirements bit or go hungry. I think providing sandwiches for 80 people and only having 6 actual no-meat no-fish sandwiches is ridiculous. They'd even done mini baked potatoes - and filled them with haddock.

Yeah but, even if the do fill in the form, they're the no-aubergine brigade. No, you can't have a full selection because there's three of you and 100 blood-thirsty carnivores. We don't feed the wAnT MoAr MeAt brigade they may eat you. I'm not talking about your average vegetarians, this is the picky brigade. They don't just have intolerances they tell you about them. They have food intolerances that stretch to certain colours. They're allergic to the word 'nuts' (almonds aren't nuts, and you can't be allergic to every kind of nut, even all the nuts that aren't nuts, which is most of them). Fucking palaver, I tell you. Bring a bloody packed lunch.

Fortunately minions handle all this, so they get the shit. I just snarf all the cheese like a robot from the future sent back in time to consume all the cheese in our time. That's my mission. Provided it's non-funky cheese. Haddock in a potato? Scotch people is weird. Bloody haddock everywhere. Put that damn fish down.

[Mr Larrington]

I have too many buttons at my disposal to control Sound and Vision and thus never get the same result twice.  I spend more time prodding buttons than I do watching the damn' AD

[T42]

For the second week in a row our scatterbrained cleaning-woman left a wet cloth on top of the matches and the gloves I wear to light the kitchen fire.

She's also assistant mayor in a neighbouring village, god help them.

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

rant-o-matic

I think the vegans and the gluten-frees and the lactose-frees and the no-peanuts people would reasonably expect to fill in the dietary requirements bit or go hungry. I think providing sandwiches for 80 people and only having 6 actual no-meat no-fish sandwiches is ridiculous. They'd even done mini baked potatoes - and filled them with haddock.

Yeah but, even if the do fill in the form, they're the no-aubergine brigade. No, you can't have a full selection because there's three of you and 100 blood-thirsty carnivores. We don't feed the wAnT MoAr MeAt brigade they may eat you. I'm not talking about your average vegetarians, this is the picky brigade. They don't just have intolerances they tell you about them. They have food intolerances that stretch to certain colours. They're allergic to the word 'nuts' (almonds aren't nuts, and you can't be allergic to every kind of nut, even all the nuts that aren't nuts, which is most of them). Fucking palaver, I tell you. Bring a bloody packed lunch.

Fortunately minions handle all this, so they get the shit. I just snarf all the cheese like a robot from the future sent back in time to consume all the cheese in our time. That's my mission. Provided it's non-funky cheese. Haddock in a potato? Scotch people is weird. Bloody haddock everywhere. Put that damn fish down.

I wasn't asking for a full selection, just enough to eat. The haddocky potato was created by Apex Hotels, not Scottish people. If we'd invented it it would have been in batter.

[ian]

Nah, I went to Scotland once. A was struck by the amount of haddock. It turns to cod south of the border. Whilst there's certainly batter, that haddock does need to pass through it's larval pre-batter stages. I think the unfortunate potato-related incident involved immature haddock in a pre-batter form. Seriously, who'd put a haddock in a baked potato? It's not buffet food. There's rules.

To be honest, think of that lack of vegetarian selections as a punishment. Oh don't look at me. It's not my idea. It's God's. Yes, God's. It's in the Bible, just not the bit anyone reads or wants to turn into a heavy metal song. Remember Jesus and the loaves and fishes (note that it wasn't potato and fish, and they'd not invented chips). He didn't cater for vegetarians.

'Is there a vegetarian option?' came a voice from the back of munching crowd.

'I've done fish? That's vegetarian,' says Jesus wiping his hands on his apron.

'Erm, no it isn't J. I mean, it's nice all the bread and fishes and that. Even if it isn't battered.'

J sighs. 'What about cheese? I can do cheese.'

'Does it have rennet? From animals?'

'I don't know. Dad isn't getting around to making you monkeys add nutritional labelling for another two thousand years. How about I use my magic Jesus powers to make it vegetarian?'

'You can do that?'

'I can raise dead people. I think I can make cheese vegetarian.'

'OK, I guess.'

J makes enough vegetarian cheese for six rounds of cheese sandwiches. And feels pretty good about it.

Another voice comes from the from the crowd. 'Is there anything for vegans?'

Then another. 'I'm lactose intolerant.'

'Has any of this been near peanuts?'

'Where's the ham?'

'Oh you ungrateful fuckers,' shouts J.

'Language Jesus!' says his mum through a mouthful of cheese sandwich.

[Cudzoziemiec]

rant-o-matic

I think the vegans and the gluten-frees and the lactose-frees and the no-peanuts people would reasonably expect to fill in the dietary requirements bit or go hungry. I think providing sandwiches for 80 people and only having 6 actual no-meat no-fish sandwiches is ridiculous. They'd even done mini baked potatoes - and filled them with haddock.

Yeah but, even if the do fill in the form, they're the no-aubergine brigade. No, you can't have a full selection because there's three of you and 100 blood-thirsty carnivores. We don't feed the wAnT MoAr MeAt brigade they may eat you. I'm not talking about your average vegetarians, this is the picky brigade. They don't just have intolerances they tell you about them. They have food intolerances that stretch to certain colours. They're allergic to the word 'nuts' (almonds aren't nuts, and you can't be allergic to every kind of nut, even all the nuts that aren't nuts, which is most of them). Fucking palaver, I tell you. Bring a bloody packed lunch.

Fortunately minions handle all this, so they get the shit. I just snarf all the cheese like a robot from the future sent back in time to consume all the cheese in our time. That's my mission. Provided it's non-funky cheese. Haddock in a potato? Scotch people is weird. Bloody haddock everywhere. Put that damn fish down.

That'd be for the carnivores.

[Mr Larrington]

[Stuffs that had me inhaling toast crumbs]

Blessed are the cheesemakers?

(Peers nervously around for the Python Police)

[mrcharly-YHT]

I think the vegans and the gluten-frees and the lactose-frees and the no-peanuts people would reasonably expect to fill in the dietary requirements bit or go hungry. I think providing sandwiches for 80 people and only having 6 actual no-meat no-fish sandwiches is ridiculous. They'd even done mini baked potatoes - and filled them with haddock.

I'm a gluten-free, avoiding dairy person.

My usual request is "please can I bring my own lunch?".
At least I then get something edible, even if I have to put up with people grumbling because my lunch looks nicer than theirs.