In a shock admission, the rider known as tonyh has revealed that he has no intention of putting in any miles today, the last of the cycling year, although he could have gone at least some way towards making up for the disgraceful shortfall which the watchbike Offbike has already not yet published. The Leader of the Opposition has said that the failure typifies the endemic wrong-headedness of the rider, pointing out that members of his party would certainly have ridden today, and would have ridden well, although they would have already fulfilled all their targets many weeks before.
Offbike will report not only the lowest mileage for 4 years, but also a further continuing decrease in the important TFC index, which is a measure of the total feet climbed during the year. "This is really very worrying", intoned the Opposition Leader. "My party would certainly have gone out there and simply climbed some proper hills".
The rider has been reported as claiming that his mileages for the last 3 years are all within "about" 3% of each other, and that the TFC index has also remained roughly steady. He also manipulated (our unbiased reporting avoids terms such as "massaged") the figures to suggest that, alongside the admitted failures, he has still averaged 1mph for the year, and has climbed more than the height of Everest per month. In a fiery and emotional speech, Mr Opposition said that failure always speaks for itself, and commented: "Our Party is not a Three Percent Party; and we do intend to progress a great deal faster than One Mile Per Hour!!"
