The thing about Prometheus is that it's both astoundingly and resoundingly bad. And it didn't have to be, they had the money, a director with enough reputation to stand up to the producers, and one hell of a platform to jump from. Who doesn't love Alien (OK, with the exception of my mum) and its claustrophobic suspense. Now we all know what it's like to be stuck in a spaceship with an alien that wants to play mummy with your tummy. Then there was Aliens, possibly the best movie ever made. What didn't that have? Gun-totin' sassy talkin' space marines. Check. Plasma rifles with LED digits. Check. Metric fucktonnes of aliens with bad attitudes and acid blood. Check. Feisty heroine who ain't no one's sidekick or love interest. Check. Corporate douchebags. Check. Needless flashy lights and steam. Check. Self-destruct in fifteen minutes. Check. And a major alien ass-kicking finale. Frankly that's my brain on Chuck Norris.
Now to be honest, I know everyone complains about the Phantom Menace spreading its buttocks wide and unclenching on the entire Star Wars franchise, but these people forget Ewoks. OK, the final two Alien films are forgettable but we all know franchises should stop at two. The third always sucks like Dyson during a power surge. Prometheus was more disappointing because it was insultingly bad, like they thought, they're all idiots anyway, who cares. I mean, come on, they hired the guy who wrote the script for the last season of Lost. Accidents like that don't just happen. It's a movie that laughs at you from the beginning and laughs so hard that it leaks so much wee by the end that it needs to change its underpants. It's pointing its finger at you, telling its movie friends, look at that idiot. It must have been deliberately bad, they had decent actors in Theron, Idris, and Fassbender, which they mostly wasted. Did no one at any point in that production from first reading the script put up their hand and say 'erm, hold on a minute, I don't want to be awkward, but really?'
Edit: oh, as mentioned, they stole the plot wholesale from Mission to Mars, a movie that couldn't even be bothered trying to be any good.
