Author Topic: Befuddling Child Utterances  (Read 199885 times)

Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #975 on: 24 June, 2017, 09:43:41 pm »
My MiL, she who is living proof that wisdom does not necessarily come with age, should be allowed here, which is the nearest thing we have to a thread for malapropisms that are not a mispronunciation.

"Yes, [after being at a restaurant for lunch] I had soup. It was tied chicken soup"

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #976 on: 21 September, 2017, 03:39:21 pm »
"What did you do in PE today?"
"We played football, but not in a football sense."

(It did make sense when he explained what they'd done, but not like that.)
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #977 on: 08 December, 2017, 01:08:48 pm »
"I don't like light; it gets in my eyes.  I'm not contrary."
Getting there...

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #978 on: 08 December, 2017, 03:20:43 pm »
N is not the only person to find low sunlight both irritating and blinding.

Suggest cap with peak.

Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #979 on: 14 December, 2017, 06:19:19 am »
Two from my Sister in Law, who is a teacher of 14 year olds at a girl's school

She was explaining how in the gut food is digested and undergoes both chemical and mechanical changes.............

One smart Alec pointed out - "SweetCorn doesn't Miss!"


The other one was during a "Sex Education" lesson

Why is it called a "Blow Job" when you suck?


Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #980 on: 14 December, 2017, 11:20:26 am »
Two from my Sister in Law, who is a teacher of 14 year olds at a girl's school

She was explaining how in the gut food is digested and undergoes both chemical and mechanical changes.............

One smart Alec pointed out - "SweetCorn doesn't Miss!"
That is what is know in the profession as a 'teaching point'. Sweetcorn needs chewing to get the pulp out. Chewing mixed starches with saliva which contains enzymes etc, Swallow sweetcorn whole and lookforward to saying hello to it later on, virtually unchanged.
<i>Marmite slave</i>

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #981 on: 14 December, 2017, 06:45:14 pm »
Toddler diarrhoea is known as 'peas & carrots' in the trade...

woollypigs

  • Mr Peli
    • woollypigs
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #982 on: 15 December, 2017, 06:23:38 am »
From Twitter

Quote
[5yo lines dolls up on blanket]
5yo: This is Elly. She's on school holidays too.
Me: Great. Is Elly hungry for lunch?
6yo: No she's full. She eats the dreams of children at night time.

Me:

https://twitter.com/manjusrii/status/941482799831310336?s=17
Current mood: AARRRGGGGHHHHH !!! #bollockstobrexit

Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #983 on: 16 December, 2017, 09:16:26 am »
"This banana is too curvy, I want a straight one"

Brought to you by the department of EU myths.
Quote from: Kim
^ This woman knows what she's talking about.

Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #984 on: 18 December, 2017, 09:52:07 pm »
Me: "What do you think Grandma would like for Christmas?"
N, with great confidence: "A Skateboard".

Both his grandmothers are 78. Neither are noted for their feats of gymnastic athleticism.
Quote from: Kim
^ This woman knows what she's talking about.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #985 on: 18 December, 2017, 11:38:45 pm »
Hence she would like a skateboard as an easy, step-free alternative to walking.
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #986 on: 18 December, 2017, 11:40:55 pm »
Also good for wheeling stuff about, if you're not too fussed about which direction it goes in.

Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #987 on: 08 February, 2018, 08:23:23 pm »
A few years back I was working staff on a activity holiday camp up in Derbyshire. One of the lads I knew from home points to the red cross people there to sort out skinned knees etc. That's really good of them he says. What I ask. To come all the way from Witham to do this. I had to explain to him the Res cross are a worldwide organisation and not as he thought 10 people from our town.

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #988 on: 27 February, 2018, 01:30:49 pm »
The Little Duck woke at 0600* saying, '<mumble>-seven, sixty-eight, sixty-nine, seventy!'

And surprised himself as much as me :)



* a lie in!
Getting there...

rower40

  • Not my boat. Now sold.
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #989 on: 27 February, 2018, 04:04:45 pm »
Oldest (4y 8m old): "Antarctica is pitch-white".
Be Naughty; save Santa a trip

CrinklyLion

  • The one with devious, cake-pushing ways....
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #990 on: 27 February, 2018, 04:12:16 pm »
Oldest (4y 8m old): "Antarctica is pitch-white".

4annahalfannabit!! Oh my word, where does the time go.

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #991 on: 27 February, 2018, 04:12:57 pm »
My thoughts exactly.

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #992 on: 05 March, 2018, 10:28:44 am »
Little Duck throughout Winter: 'I want to build a snowman!  I want to build a snowman!  I want to build a snowman!'

Little Duck when there is sufficient snow on the ground: 'I don't want to go out - it's too cold!'

Today: 'Hurray!  The snow is nearly all melted!'

Me: 'I give up!' :/
Getting there...

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #993 on: 05 March, 2018, 10:36:38 am »
I reckon it has to be warm inside to make it pleasant going out in the cold. If you're not warm or only moderately warm before going out, no amount of activity in the cold gets you properly warmed up. At least for me.
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #994 on: 05 March, 2018, 01:48:39 pm »
He's been warm enough to doff throughout.  Running about half-nekkid making his mother feel cold(er) :D
Getting there...

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #995 on: 05 March, 2018, 02:04:09 pm »
Running about half-nekkid making his mother feel cold(er) :D

A tradition, an old charter or something.

Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #996 on: 07 March, 2018, 06:33:09 pm »
Running about half-nekkid making his mother feel cold(er) :D

A tradition, an old charter or something.
Quote
“Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.”
Ambrose Bierce, the Unabridged Devil's Dictionary (which I have in dead tree form but my e-version appears to be abridged)
"No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everybody on the couch."

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #997 on: 08 March, 2018, 10:51:07 am »
;D Indeed.
Getting there...

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #998 on: 10 April, 2018, 06:58:22 pm »
"Chicken comes from pigs!" - small in supermarket queueueue in front of me, failing to grasp the facts of life.  The conversation proceeded in a distinctly vegetarian direction.

Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #999 on: 11 May, 2018, 08:18:42 pm »
Little beastie had a melt down at dinner the other day as we said no to fish cakes for dessert. After calming down and some questioning it transpired she meant cheesecake.