Yet Another Cycling Forum

Off Topic => The Pub => Arts and Entertainment => Topic started by: rogerzilla on 14 October, 2015, 08:06:31 pm

Title: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: rogerzilla on 14 October, 2015, 08:06:31 pm
Yes, they've found another 18 self-aggrandising morons who are even worse than the last lot.  The insane blonde trainer (isn't she a bit old to be an apprentice?) and the plumber with a sleazy spiv/Kid Creole pencil moustache are hioghlights for me but it's nice to watch a show where frankly, any of them going out is a result.  It had slipped effortlessly into self-parody by about the third series (this is 11!) and is just a comedy show now.  Claude is going to be brilliant, I know.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Deano on 14 October, 2015, 09:19:10 pm
There are some spectacularly spivtastic taches in that lot.

Kalamari and fishfingers?!
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: rogerzilla on 14 October, 2015, 09:41:11 pm
There are some faces there that only a mother could love.  And the blonde lady dresses like an Australian's nightmare.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: rogerzilla on 14 October, 2015, 09:45:17 pm
Is it just me or are the "treats" getting much cheaper?
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: StuAff on 14 October, 2015, 11:00:15 pm
Quote from: rogerzilla on 14 October, 2015, 09:45:17 pm
Is it just me or are the "treats" getting much cheaper?
The candidates don't really deserve them when they're that mediocre..
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Ben T on 15 October, 2015, 08:31:16 am
Some of Alan's sound bites are the best, like last one he organised an alcohol based task just so he could get away with using the phrase "You have literally failed to organise a piss up in a brewery"   ;D
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Tigerrr on 15 October, 2015, 12:56:03 pm
I had stopped watching it, but saw last nights. I think this is such an excellent bunch of loathe some self deluded creatures that it will be worth watching. I particularly liked the girl who reckoned that being tall and better looking than most people made her a natural leader. And the actual spiv.
The show seems to have moved on from any pretence of taking the contestants seriously to a much more enjoyable show in which sugar and chums tear their delusions to bits with some great put downs and humiliating tasks.
'I didn't get involved in this process to sell fish cakes in the street' said the obvious candidate for dismissal last night. He must never have watched the show or something.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: geraldc on 15 October, 2015, 01:38:31 pm
There does seem to be a number of ex service people in the show. Yesterday 2 were ex Navy, and of apprentice alumni, Katie Hopkins was ex army.

Between Dragons Den and the Apprentice, it shows why the current economic system will fail in the long run. Also shows like this, are best left to commercial TV.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: rogerzilla on 15 October, 2015, 06:59:09 pm
I quite like the ex-navy one, although she talks too much.  The spiv (with his Hugh Hefner admiration) is going to be excellent value.  They'll probably keep him until the interviews and then slowly hang, draw and quarter him.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: spesh on 15 October, 2015, 07:48:42 pm
To quote Dogbert in a classic Dilbert cartoon strip, "leadership is nature's way of removing morons from the productive flow."

http://dilbert.com/strip/1995-02-05

View the linked cartoon, and The Apprentice makes perfect sense - it serves an important function in highlighting to potential employers certain people who should be kept from the productive flow at all costs. If they can be placed in a position of 'thought leader' with no responsibility or actual power, so much the better... ;D
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Jaded on 15 October, 2015, 09:09:53 pm
The Johnny Rotten suit is the best value here.

What will she wear today?

"We're going to the Barbican, but I don't know what it is!"
It's brilliant.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Jaded on 15 October, 2015, 09:20:33 pm
"Catus"

It's a classic.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Jaded on 15 October, 2015, 09:29:32 pm
Natalie talks faster than a hummingbird.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Mr Larrington on 16 October, 2015, 12:52:14 pm
Quote from: spesh on 15 October, 2015, 07:48:42 pm
To quote Dogbert in a classic Dilbert cartoon strip, "leadership is nature's way of removing morons from the productive flow."

http://dilbert.com/strip/1995-02-05

View the linked cartoon, and The Apprentice makes perfect sense - it serves an important function in highlighting to potential employers certain people who should be kept from the productive flow at all costs. If they can be placed in a position of 'thought leader' with no responsibility or actual power, so much the better... ;D

The down side of this, of course, is that Super-Twats like Katie Hopkins are removed from the productive flow into the national (s)limelight when otherwise they'd have been hard-pressed to achieve the position of Apprentice Pub Bore.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: citoyen on 18 October, 2015, 11:28:20 am
It amazes me that every series they manage to find 18 new idiots who have apparently never seen the show before. I don't know why I still watch it, but I admit to finding it strangely compelling.

http://youtu.be/3ss-59fi4nM
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: spesh on 19 October, 2015, 01:49:19 pm
Quote from: citoyen on 18 October, 2015, 11:28:20 am
It amazes me that every series they manage to find 18 new idiots who have apparently never seen the show before.

Somewhere1, there must be a SEEKRIT hi-security facility where 'reality' TV participants are raised and selectively educated2 in accordance with the degree of gormlessness required by the producers of said programs.  ;)


1 Probably in a re-purposed Cold War bunker such as the one at Corsham.
2 For a certain value thereof.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: mrcharly-YHT on 19 October, 2015, 02:33:01 pm
I think they exist under the effects of a field very similar to the Somebody Else's Problem generator. However, instead of your classic SEP, they have I Am Better and Nobody Else Matters generators installed at birth.

From the moment the generators are turned on, they are oblivious to anything except their own brilliance. Point out a failing in the their work? The failure is in you, a failure to perceive their brilliance.

The net effect is not dissimilar to the I've Got Money Therefore I Deserve Everything generator, installed in the children of (some) rich parents.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Wascally Weasel on 19 October, 2015, 04:31:31 pm
Quote from: spesh on 19 October, 2015, 01:49:19 pm
Quote from: citoyen on 18 October, 2015, 11:28:20 am
It amazes me that every series they manage to find 18 new idiots who have apparently never seen the show before.

Somewhere1, there must be a SEEKRIT hi-security facility where 'reality' TV participants are raised and selectively educated2 in accordance with the degree of gormlessness required by the producers of said programs.  ;)


1 Probably in a re-purposed Cold War bunker such as the one at Corsham.
2 For a certain value thereof.

They already exist.  Drama schools already coach people on how to succeed in most of the current reality TV shows and this is where the majority of contestants have come from over the years (and most of the ‘talent’ shows that preceded the down the decades).

It does present a useful concentration of B-Ark candidates were anyone minded to liquidate them, send them for re-education, offer counselling in alternative career choices.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Tigerrr on 19 October, 2015, 10:18:07 pm
Are you sure about the apprentice contestants coming from drama schools? I have met drama school students and very few are as truly awful as these people. Plus I once interviewed an ex contestant for a real job and he was genuinely as much of a twit as he appeared on the programme. He wasn't acting at all.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: citoyen on 19 October, 2015, 10:27:55 pm
I don't think WW was saying they were drama students but that drama schools offer coaching for reality tv show wannabes, which I can well believe.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Si on 21 October, 2015, 05:32:25 pm
I'm sure that I've said this before but I briefly knew one contestant (not this years).  When I knew him he was a total tosser.......he got labelled as one of the nice ones on the show.  It has to be said he really did believe the hype and talked of 'Business' as though it were a living god.

I also knew, for an even briefer period, someone who got to the last round of applicants but didn't quite get onto the TV.  He was notable by his capacity to talk sense and be a reasonable human being.



Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Hot Flatus on 21 October, 2015, 05:49:50 pm
I suppose it makes life much easier for the producers if they do select vain idiots. It means they don't have to manipulate the narrative so much via selective editing. The contestants won't disappoint when it comes to providing material.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: rogerzilla on 21 October, 2015, 08:26:03 pm
Someone from our place got to the last few candidates many years ago but was fired for being a bit too boring, or words to that effect.  He's still at our place, is doing fine, and people seem to like him.  There has been a step change in twattery since then, though; I think Katie H*pk*ns opened the floodgates on that one.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Jaded on 21 October, 2015, 11:58:12 pm
Tonight's was full of twattery.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Jasmine on 22 October, 2015, 09:14:32 am
I'm always slightly baffled that whenever they are asked to buy food items in the 'negotiation task' that the first thought of every team is "hmm, let's go to a restaurant to get that." I hate haggling, but I can guarantee that I could get 10 kg of mussels cheaper on the list price at any fish wholesaler (FFS, they went to Billingsgate in the first episode) than the best 'negotiator' could by them at a bloody restaurant.  Alternatively any fishmonger in the area (it's not like mussels aren't grown on the south coast), or even a supermarket with a largish fish section.  If it occurred to them to scrape up their own manure, why not go to a beach and collect your own mussels?
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: hillbilly on 22 October, 2015, 09:30:48 am
This was covered in the aftershow programme.  They set about the task in the afternoon, by which time the fishmongers didn't have any mussels left, apparently.  The could have just popped into Tesco, swallowed the hit, and avoided the £50 fine. 

The aftershow also pointed out the obvious.  It wasn't a negotiation task.  It was an organisation/logistics one.  Which is presumably why the penalties are there (i.e. you are never going to be able to negotiate a £50 discount on a 5 euro (or 4.50 euro) block of cheese).  That the candidates always treat it as an arena to squeeze down the price says a lot about their mindset.

(I have Richard and Elle in the office sweepstake.  I suspect I won't win on last night's performances).
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Jaded on 12 November, 2015, 08:40:22 am
Well last nights had some interesting outcomes.

(click to show/hide)

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Riggers on 13 November, 2015, 09:27:05 am
Ha ha. Very funny. Where'd you find that Jaders.

The young spivvie chap handled that task incredibly well I thought.

I think the project-leader girl who went immediately, was mightily relieved to be going.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Riggers on 02 December, 2015, 09:53:59 am
Thinking about it – they're all ghastly, the lot that are left – I'm not sure why I still watch it; maybe for the cringe-worthiness perhaps?
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Nuncio on 02 December, 2015, 08:58:39 pm
I've heard a rumour that something unusual may happen on tonight's episode.  Unlikely, I know.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Jaded on 03 December, 2015, 12:33:19 am
Well, that was attention seeking!

"I'm not going to win The Apprentice, what should I do to fulfill my ambition of getting noticed for five minutes??"

"Fire yourself".

Interestingly I cannot remember who sacked themselves two hours ago. Was it the one without the spiv moustache or the earnest thick one?
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Riggers on 03 December, 2015, 09:16:50 am
We've taped it so will watch tonight, as my wife was at choir. The only decent chap was the private tutor one, who shouldn't have bothered being in the process at all.

I did happen to switch channels just at the crucial moment, expecting the News to have been "On by now", so witnessed that particular singular moment, almost denouement to last night's episode. "Oh!" I thought. Didn't expect that.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: citoyen on 03 December, 2015, 10:42:46 am
Quote from: Jaded on 03 December, 2015, 12:33:19 am
Interestingly I cannot remember who sacked themselves two hours ago. Was it the one without the spiv moustache or the earnest thick one?

Fwiw, it was Scott - I presume that's who you mean by the earnest thick one.

What I find interesting about it is that he actually did really well in the first few tasks, to the extent that I thought he was a genuine contender, but I've noticed in the last two or three episodes that his heart really hasn't been in it.

And when Sugar laid into him last night, that's probably the moment when it dawned on him that there were better ways of going about getting investment for your business than making a tit of yourself on national telly.

I can't imagine Brett or Richard ever showing that level of self-awareness.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Jaded on 09 December, 2015, 10:56:52 pm
Quote
It went ok, they weren't keen on the name, all the packaging or the product itself either.

 ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Deano on 09 December, 2015, 11:00:43 pm
Gary's face. He was puckering for a kiss from a mummy with gonorrhoea.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: rogerzilla on 14 December, 2015, 07:43:59 pm
Apart from Vana, who is like a sulky version of Alanis Morrisette, I don't strongly dislike the survivors at this point.    I reckon the spiv will get it if he hasn't lied on his cv.  Lordsugar and he will have a sort of pikey affinity.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Redlight on 14 December, 2015, 10:13:18 pm
My money is on Vana, unless her business idea is truly daft.

The interview stage is the best one - it really needs a double length episode.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: rogerzilla on 21 December, 2015, 08:48:33 pm
Spiv power!  He wasn't a patch on Vana as a presenter, and his business idea is rather unambitious (Vana's was a triumph of hope over all the available evidence), but I thought he was a surprisingly worthy winner.
Title: Re: The Apprentice 2015 thread
Post by: Jaded on 22 December, 2015, 09:17:59 am
Both were gloriously naive, but that's apprentices, I suppose. Can't believe a plumbing business hadn't heard of Hive or Nest. Unless he meant he'd be installing that kind of stuff. Vana's idea could work, but would need a lot of money.
It was a battle of lips once the moustache went.