Look what just appeared in my in-tray in a convoluted set of improbable coincidences:
PRESS RELEASE – Draft 1 not for circulation
Many aspire to be part of ACME’s Titanium Circle but for ACME’s CFO, Huggy, it had become an obsession. An obsession fuelled by his first glance at the gorgeous titanium lines of Jiber’s gleaming new bike and cemented by the BFC’s high end addition to his fleet. Eventually it proved irresistible, prompting Huggy to get in touch with W.Lookback. The Fenland-based specialist bike company offers a fully customised bespoke bicycle design service, which is where Huggy’s commission began.
Huggy, the man behind some of the most exciting refreshment stops in UK audaxing, was looking for a unique road bike built to his exacting requirements. As a perfectionist with a healthy suspicion of any technology other than smartphones, computers and remotely operated household appliances, however, he would also challenge W.Throwback with his demands for a bike every bit as traditional and hearty as the roast dinners he consumes on the road.
So it was that a crack W.Heldback group led by the head of its specialist ‘Punkworks’ design team, Henri Rollins, set off to a well-known Mid-Essex hostelry to see if Huggy was for real and to discuss his cycling needs and ambitions over an Essex Energy Drink or five.
It soon became apparent that while Huggy loved the prospect of owning a very expensive customised titanium frame, he was also very conscious of the design intricacies required to ensure the bike satisfied his insecurities about modern cycling equipment and, particularly, anything invented after the first derailleur.
Huggy takes up the story, “I remembered once having to stop for nearly 30 seconds while a fellow ACME rider put his thumb over a visitation that had initially failed to seal so tubeless was definitely out. That put me to thinking about my own visitations over the years and I quickly concluded that pneumatic tyres were simply an unnecessary fad foisted upon us by bicycle manufacturers. I had a similar Damascene experience while considering gearing options. Electronic gears can be nothing other than the work of the devil with very small demons operating the moving parts of the system. Those instruments of Satan may or may not be present in mechanical groupsets but is a slick gear change really worth the probability of eternal damnation” ?
Equally fired up by Huggy’s eagerness to make systemic changes to modern cycling orthodoxy, the W.Thinkback team set about turning his design challenges into solution opportunities and creating something truly incredible. The first consideration was whether to incorporate cranks and pedals into the final design. “Huggy was clear from the start that chain-based drivetrains were a passing fancy of big cyclo. The drive would come from a direct connection to the front wheel or a literal “boots on the ground” approach” explains head of retro-design Arthur Wombat. “It was becoming obvious that it was not going to be our fastest model” he continues “but he would still need to make those meal stops so we needed some sort of braking system. That is where the connection with the guys at ACME really started to bear fruit. We tried a number of methods including deploying an anvil from the rear rack, a reverse catapult (disastrous) and a parachute system stored in Huggy’s helmet. We were at our wits end when their own thought leader, OD, came up with the brilliant but simple concept of using a large drawing of an upslope with railway buffers. One of Huggy’s fellow diners places the drawing as close to the next eatery as possible and somehow the bike stops. Sometimes, the best ideas are the simplest ones”.
After hours at the drawing board (quill pen on vellum of course), abacus and slide rule and any number of design revisions to ensure Huggy’s anxieties about modern life were being quieted, the Victorian F.red was ready to be unveiled to an expectant nation.
So successful has the VF been that it is now available as a regular option for customisation. A number of upgrades including a side-saddle option, daytime running lights (fireflies in a jar) and a small coal-fired stove for winter rides are also now available (additional charges apply).
“When we started this odyssey I just had no idea how successful it would be” concludes Huggy “the guys at W.Flashbacktothedayswhennightswereyoung have gone above and beyond their original design brief to create something truly special. I had given up on long rides of 10km and more already so this is the perfect steed to explore the public houses and tearooms of the central Witham area. I couldn’t be more pleased and, before you ask, yes it’s still puncture free after six months of use.”
