Author Topic: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version  (Read 22185 times)

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
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Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« on: 06 July, 2019, 12:04:51 am »
O hai!  By popular demand1 P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM®'s Alternative Tour ov France Colemantary has its own thread this year.  Warning: may contain some, or more, of the following:
  • (click to show/hide)
  • Fake news
  • M Smith
  • In-jokes
  • Bethany (9)
  • Bad hats
  • Crap jokes
  • Pelicans
  • Un-jokes
  • Bethany's Mum
Attempts to discuss the race seriously in this thread with be treated with scorn, Bad Swears and a duffing-up from a surplus-to-requirements N Bouhanni.  Note that there may be occasional delays in transmission because gigs, the British Grand Prix and Parental Obligations.  We don't get paid for this, y'know.  Not even in kumquats.

1: May contain traces of Lie
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

TheLurker

  • Goes well with magnolia.
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #1 on: 06 July, 2019, 07:42:17 am »
Oh huzzah! Twice, thrice huzzah!
Τα πιο όμορφα ταξίδια γίνονται με τις δικές μας δυνάμεις - Φίλοι του Ποδήλατου

T42

  • Apprentice geezer
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #2 on: 06 July, 2019, 07:52:51 am »
Jolly good old chep!
I've dusted off all those old bottles and set them up straight

Paul

  • L'enfer, c'est les autos.
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #3 on: 06 July, 2019, 08:06:29 am »
I’ve got the wine, baguettes, cheese and AED. I’m ready.
What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?

Mrs Pingu

  • Who ate all the pies? Me
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Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #4 on: 06 July, 2019, 08:53:14 am »
Yay!

By popular demand

1: May contain traces of Lie

Well, if my demand isn't popular, I don't know what is  ;)

But no, M. Kitteh, sadly.
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #5 on: 06 July, 2019, 11:22:00 am »
O hai!  By popular demand1 P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM®'s Alternative Tour ov France Colemantary has its own thread this year.  Warning: may contain some, or more, of the following:

<list of stuffs snipped for brevity>

Attempts to discuss the race seriously in this thread with be treated with scorn, Bad Swears and a duffing-up from a surplus-to-requirements N Bouhanni.  Note that there may be occasional delays in transmission because gigs, the British Grand Prix and Parental Obligations.  We don't get paid for this, y'know.  Not even in kumquats.

1: May contain traces of Lie

[FX: Happy crowd noises, throwing of hats, vuvuzelas etc.]
"He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." ~ Freidrich Neitzsche

Beardy

  • Shedist
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #6 on: 06 July, 2019, 11:22:49 am »
Splendid I say, and MOAR over spiffing.
For every complex problem in the world, there is a simple and easily understood solution that’s wrong.

citoyen

  • Occasionally rides a bike
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #7 on: 06 July, 2019, 02:12:05 pm »
But no, M. Kitteh, sadly.

No Nice C Boardmen either.  :(

With a few big names either fading or injured, and me not having watched much pro racing this year, I don't really have much of a clue who are the contenders - or even who is racing.

I'm sure that Mr L's daily reports will help make things clear, as usual.
"The future's all yours, you lousy bicycles."

bludger

  • Randonneur and bargain hunter
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #8 on: 06 July, 2019, 02:20:44 pm »
yes welll the boys're spinning in big gurrs up tem hills you know.
YACF touring/audax bargain basement:
https://bit.ly/2Xg8pRD



Ban cars.

Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #9 on: 06 July, 2019, 02:53:23 pm »
But no, M. Kitteh, sadly.

No Nice C Boardmen either.  :(

With a few big names either fading or injured, and me not having watched much pro racing this year, I don't really have much of a clue who are the contenders - or even who is racing.

I'm sure that Mr L's daily reports will help make things clear, as usual.

For the GC, the Inner Ring's got Bernal and Fuglsang ahead of Thomas, Quintana, Pinot and Adam Yates, but TBH, this year is probably the most open, so who knows?

Barring a crash or being shot by the Commissars, CP Sagan's probably a dead cert for another snottypoints win.

The polka-dot competition won't necessarily be between just the climbers this year because of the nature of the course. All the HC cols are over 2,000m so score double, and it may well be that GC contenders will be picking up the spottypoints as a side effect of riding for the overall win.

http://inrng.com/2019/07/tour-de-france-preview-2019/
http://inrng.com/2019/07/tour-de-france-points-competition/
http://inrng.com/2019/07/tour-de-france-mountains-contenders-competition/

For a full list of riders:

https://www.letour.fr/en/riders or
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_teams_and_cyclists_in_the_2019_Tour_de_France
"He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." ~ Freidrich Neitzsche

Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #10 on: 06 July, 2019, 06:09:09 pm »
[FX: GBFO grandfather clock, fingers drumming on a wooden table]

In the meantime, before someone at Letour.fr or Amaury Sports realises, anyone for a game of "Spot the silly mistake"?  :demon:

Linky: https://img.aso.fr/core_app/img-cycling-tdf-jpg/01uk-classement-nl/15380/0:0,640:320-640-0-70/b341a (contains traces of SPOILERS)
"He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." ~ Freidrich Neitzsche

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
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    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #11 on: 06 July, 2019, 06:50:06 pm »
Stage 1: Brussels – Brussels

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External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #12 on: 06 July, 2019, 08:05:47 pm »
I saw some people fall off bikes today, I have no idea who moste of them are.

I see the Gorilla is still there, though I have no idea if he is still any good?
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
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Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #13 on: 06 July, 2019, 08:16:45 pm »
He didn't make the top ten today.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #14 on: 06 July, 2019, 08:43:16 pm »
Popeye's Stunt Double hasn't had any success in the Tour since 2016, and his best years were 2012 and 2015 where he won 3 and 4 stages respectively, finishing 2nd in the snottypoints competition both times.

* For some reason, Greipel's always reminded me of the spinach-nomming sailor, as portrayed by Robin Williams. Something to do with the facial expression in head-on shots when he wins a stage.
"He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." ~ Freidrich Neitzsche

Mrs Pingu

  • Who ate all the pies? Me
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Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #15 on: 06 July, 2019, 08:46:44 pm »
Ver good. You're gonnae have to remind who DI McPherson was tho.
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Pingu

  • Put away those fiery biscuits!
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    • the Igloo
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #16 on: 06 July, 2019, 08:54:23 pm »
How to tackle the Mur


IMG_4342 by The Pingus, on Flickr

Mrs Pingu

  • Who ate all the pies? Me
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Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #17 on: 06 July, 2019, 08:57:41 pm »
Stuff a Maatentaart in yer cakehole.
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
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Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #18 on: 06 July, 2019, 10:00:29 pm »
Ver good. You're gonnae have to remind who DI McPherson was tho.

McPherson is permanently on the sick and/or in hostipal with concussion, snapped limbs ect ect.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #19 on: 06 July, 2019, 10:12:01 pm »
You're that confident that Porte will crash out on <checks notes> stage 9 again?  :demon:
"He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." ~ Freidrich Neitzsche

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #20 on: 06 July, 2019, 10:16:28 pm »
My prediction for this year is that R Porte will be forced to retire after a wound inflicted by Didi Senff's rubber trident goes rusty.  Stage 7 or 8.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #21 on: 07 July, 2019, 07:13:33 am »
you think he'll make it that far?
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #22 on: 07 July, 2019, 10:44:17 am »
Depends on the nature of the TTT course today, I suppose.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Beardy

  • Shedist
Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #23 on: 07 July, 2019, 02:50:08 pm »
The lack of rain on the TTT course today is increasing the chances of a finish by even the most accident prone. And making it even more boring into the bargain.
For every complex problem in the world, there is a simple and easily understood solution that’s wrong.

Re: Tour de France 2019 - The Unserious Version
« Reply #24 on: 07 July, 2019, 04:08:49 pm »
I like the Atonium


Atomium