more insane management speak phrases

[Mr Larrington]

Since our area of the BigCo has been reorganisated, I have a The Boss who can actually be arsed with appraisals.  Here are some of the things we're supposed to be good at:

Focus on the crux of issues, and identifies high-leverage intervention points and strategies
Synthesize concepts and information from a variety of sources or disciplines to arrive at a broad, deep understanding of issues
Approach problems from a systems perspective, defining connections, linkages, and interdependencies
Demonstrate understanding of the financial and economic levers that impact business performance

and finally

Build collaboration by removing barriers and breaking down silos

Tape silos? Grain silos?  Intercontinental ballistic missile silos?  What the fucking fuck of Fuckhamptonshire does this mean

[mattc]

sometimes it seems like dilbert's author works in my office 

You could probably read Dilbert as being about techy idiots, who refuse to make everyone's life easier by trying to understand the great insights handed out by management.

[fuzzy]

SWMBO got a letter from Da New Management the other day saying how there was to be a meeting to 'Project their vision for going forward after their recent kalaidoscoipc review of the company'.

My eyes were bleeding after reading that load of bollocks.

[hatler]

Build collaboration by removing barriers and breaking down silos

Tape silos? Grain silos?  Intercontinental ballistic missile silos?  What the fucking fuck of Fuckhamptonshire does this mean

A term beloved by HAL.

Silo = shorthand for a team of people who keep knowledge to themselves. Officially a bad thing, but there are any number of managers who promote this behaviour to ensure their continued existence within Big Corp.

[Euan Uzami]

A company I used to work for had a certain piece of management information which took about a couple of man days to produce, but which was valuable to the various functions in the company.
Our department had produced it, and another department wanted access to it but didn't want to / couldn't contribute manpower to the production of it. The obvious solution to this problem for our department was to prevent the other department having access to it.  Obvious, really. This was two different departments of the same company, not two different companies.   

[mattc]

"Knowledge silos"
is how I've normally heard this. In that form it's quite a good descriptive expression.

[Efrogwr]

"Knowledge silos"
is how I've normally heard this. In that form it's quite a good descriptive expression.

The problem is that the monkeys imitate the style without understanding the meaning or the context.

[giropaul]

Since our area of the BigCo has been reorganisated, I have a The Boss who can actually be arsed with appraisals.  Here are some of the things we're supposed to be good at:

Focus on the crux of issues, and identifies high-leverage intervention points and strategies
Synthesize concepts and information from a variety of sources or disciplines to arrive at a broad, deep understanding of issues
Approach problems from a systems perspective, defining connections, linkages, and interdependencies
Demonstrate understanding of the financial and economic levers that impact business performance

and finally

Build collaboration by removing barriers and breaking down silos

Tape silos? Grain silos?  Intercontinental ballistic missile silos?  What the fucking fuck of Fuckhamptonshire does this mean

Silos as in bigger versions of chimneys - as in "managing in chimneys" - i.e. vertical rather than horizontal communication/management systems 

[hatler]

Silos as in bigger versions of chimneys - as in "managing in chimneys" - i.e. vertical rather than horizontal communication/management systems 

But silos are stand alone storage entities. Chimneys are merely an exit route for a waste product.

'Knowledge silo' isn't such a bad term in this context, it's certainly easier to say than 'stand alone knowledge storage entity'.

(AGH !!!   Am I turning into a purveyor of crap management speak ?)

[mattc]

My tip would be to simply avoid the word
entity
.. unless you are forced to use it in a specific technical context. Mkay?

[drossall]

It's sometimes worth remembering, however, what would happen if you stood among a group of silos, and then removed them (the silos, but not their contents).

I am not always sure that the distinction between having silos and just being a bit structured is considered. If something is your job and not mine, it's better if I know only as much as I need to about it; any more and I'll drown in everyone else's job without doing mine.

[mattc]

I am not always sure that the distinction between having silos and just being a bit structured is considered. If something is your job and not mine, it's better if I know only as much as I need to about it; any more and I'll drown in everyone else's job without doing mine.

The problem (at most places I've worked) is when people confuse a bit of "structure" with
not telling any other fucker how this shit works, or how to use it.

Still, we may have strayed into discussing real problems, when we're supposed to be slagging off management bullshit.

[tonycollinet]

Build collaboration by removing barriers and breaking down silos

Tape silos? Grain silos?  Intercontinental ballistic missile silos?  What the fucking fuck of Fuckhamptonshire does this mean

A term beloved by HAL.

Silo = shorthand for a team of people who keep knowledge to themselves. Officially a bad thing, but there are any number of managers who promote this behaviour to ensure their continued existence within Big Corp.

[Mr Larrington]

Meanwhile, in the Tower of Barad-Dûr, cow-orkers N and J are being rightsized.  They are project managers.

PHB: So, who will be taking on your projects after you've left?
N: Fucked if I know.  J and I are the only project managers in the place and you've made both of us redundant!
PHB: Oh...

[Pancho]

We have "stovepipes" round here rather than "silos" or "chimneys".

[Mr Larrington]

Stovepipes, silos, chimneys, meh it is not english and do not make sense.

[Andrij]

Stovepipes, silos, chimneys, meh it is not english and do not make sense.

Correct.  To be English the chimneys would need cheeky cockney urchins sweeping them out.

[HTFB]

My tip would be to simply avoid the word
entity
.. unless you are forced to use it in a specific technical context. Mkay?

A William of Ockham for our times.

[Marco Stefano]

It's sometimes worth remembering, however, what would happen if you stood among a group of silos, and then removed them (the silos, but not their contents).

If I did that here, I would be submerged in up to 95,000 tonnes of granulated sugar. Not to be recommended.

[Pingu]

Could you please circularise your staff to ascertain if any are willing to participate

 

[Euan Uzami]

It's sometimes worth remembering, however, what would happen if you stood among a group of silos, and then removed them (the silos, but not their contents).

If I did that here, I would be submerged in up to 95,000 tonnes of granulated sugar. Not to be recommended.

Try drinking tea without it  - you need to ween yourself off if you've got that much of a sweet tooth imho. n

[fuzzy]

It's sometimes worth remembering, however, what would happen if you stood among a group of silos, and then removed them (the silos, but not their contents).

If I did that here, I would be submerged in up to 95,000 tonnes of granulated sugar. Not to be recommended.

Now that's what I call a Sugar Rush!

[Clare]

Could you please circularise your staff to ascertain if any are willing to participate

 

Doughnuts.

To achieve the circularisation you should circulate doughnuts.

[Kathy]

Could you please circularise your staff to ascertain if any are willing to participate

 

Doughnuts.

To achieve the circularisation you should circulate doughnuts.

Doughnuts with some of Marco's sugar! 

Meanwhile, I have a meeting tomorrow morning to discuss how our particular team "lives" the company ethos of "Every Day Matters". HR have even come up with some draft statements for us to consider:

Every Day Matters is about proactively engaging with and understanding the market we are in and the people we serve, to competitively price products that make financial security easier to achieve.

Every Day Matters is about being proactive innovatros [sic] in the development of competive [sic] pricing and management of risk to provide financial seciryt [sic] for our customers.

We deliver Every Day Matters to our customers by being expert, proactive and innovative in the managemnet [sic] of risk and pricing.

Every Day Matters is about being outstanding in our approach to understanding risk, competitive pricing and being experts in bulk purchase annuities.

*sigh*

If I must choose, I like the last statement best, simply because it doesn't abuse the English language quite so much.

[mattc]

Kathy, your place sounds hilarious.

I have a meeting tomorrow morning to discuss how our particular team "lives" the company ethos of "Every Day Matters".

...
Every Day Matters is about being outstanding in our approach to understanding risk, competitive pricing and being experts in bulk purchase annuities.

*sigh*

If I must choose, I like the last statement best, simply because it doesn't abuse the English language quite so much.

Are you sure? It talks about "... being outstanding in our approach to being experts in bulk purchase annuities."

I think your team motto, should be:
_ Living the Company Ethos _

(oh, and look out for Innovatros - he sounds like a really bad-arse alien super-villain).