The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[Kim]

The value of a dynamo...

That you don't have to think to bring lights (or their brackets), just switch them on.

[Torslanda]

Building a 2x10 29er, transmission, hmmm... Got a LH 2 speed SRAM X7 trigger, OK we'll get a matching RH. So far so good. Next, rear derailleur, need an X7. <click>

Assemble all the bits this evening, add cassette & chain, crank it up. Derailleur won't go all the way down to 1st. Got all the clicks on the shifter and the cable is correctly routed. Check **EVERYTHING**. Twice. Still won't. Scrabble in the bin for the packaging hoping to find the instructions in case I've done something dumb.

Yep, I've done something dumb. Bought a 10sp shifter and a 9sp derailleur. No, I didn't know either. Arse . . .

[Torslanda]

Fitted a X5 10sp rear mech this morning. Everything functions as it should. 

[Peter]

You need more sleep (and possibly scones).

[Mr Larrington]

"Time for tea" said Mr Larrington.  He put the oven into pre-heat mode and went off to Do Things.  When the oven went "ping" (very quietly — see grumbles passim) he put a couple of the finest breaded fishy things that Mr Sainsbury's House Of Toothy Comestibles has to offer into an oven dish, placed the said dish in the oven and went off to Do More Things.

Some time later, Mr Larrington's nostrils are assailed by a diabolical ronk, as of a garlic powder-fuelled explosion in a tyre factory.  He goes to investigate and finds a thick pall of smoke pouring from the oven.  On opening the door of same the Chips Room immediately resembles the Columbia River Gorge when Mr Larrington was there last month viz., invisible behind the choking miasma of particulates filling the atmostale.  He cannot actually reach the fridge without both breathing apparatus and a guide dog.

Investigation shews that Mr Larrington, fecking div that he be, has pressed the "Grill/Combi" button instead of the "Convection" one, thereby cremating his nosh beyond recognition and making the whole of Larrington Towers stink most vilely of fish.  Verily, 'tis now the piece of cod which passeth all understanding, and is awaiting disposal once I find the gear I normally wear when dumping radioactive waste in John Redwood's garden.

Hungry now

[Mrs Pingu]

I did that once with our old oven and ended up with a half carbon/half raw calzone that I'd spent hours making.

[T42]

The radioactive codpiece sounds like a deadly device out of a Dan Brown novel.

[hellymedic]

The great advantage of being unable to exceed the pace of a snail is that I cannot abandon the oven.

Two minutes of extra time never really hurts. Oven is but two cubits from my seat.

[Jurek]

Take away, it is then...

[Kim]

This is similar to the process through which Mustard Gas Chicken was invented.

[ElyDave]

Mrs ElyDave did that once, set oven to grill, inserted crumble, much burning later left top of crumble carbonised, middle of crumble raw.

[T42]

Wondered why the slow puncture I patched yesterday was flat again today - pinched when remounting, second hole???

Nope. I had simply put the patch beside the hole instead of on it.

[clarion]

The value of a dynamo...

Sorry to confuse.  I am a bit absent-minded, but having a hub dynamo means that my light is permanently attached to the bike, ad even I can't lose it!

[ian]

I did that once with our old oven and ended up with a half carbon/half raw calzone that I'd spent hours making.

I did the opposite (and not for the first time) which explains why my tea on Friday night took twice as long. The defrost setting isn't very good for getting the oven hot. I'm not, tbh, sure why my oven needs about dozen different settings (there's three for the bloody fan, for heaven's sake) other than to ensure I select the wrong one and wander off.

[fuzzy]

Building a 2x10 29er, transmission, hmmm... Got a LH 2 speed SRAM X7 trigger, OK we'll get a matching RH. So far so good. Next, rear derailleur, need an X7. <click>

Assemble all the bits this evening, add cassette & chain, crank it up. Derailleur won't go all the way down to 1st. Got all the clicks on the shifter and the cable is correctly routed. Check **EVERYTHING**. Twice. Still won't. Scrabble in the bin for the packaging hoping to find the instructions in case I've done something dumb.

Yep, I've done something dumb. Bought a 10sp shifter and a 9sp derailleur. No, I didn't know either. Arse . . .

Sorry Tors, I shouldn't be laffing but...........

[Torslanda]

Yes, you should. The trick is not to do it again . . .

[Oaky]

The first bit of this tale sounds like it belongs in the grumble thread, but bear with it, the divviness will soon become clear.

Today I had to go for a blood test.  My appointment was at 10:50, and I duly cycle over to ${SURGERY}, ~5 minutes before time and check in.  The receptionist looks at me as if I'm mad (leading me to wonder if I've turned up a month early or something equally divvy).

'That's at ${OTHER_SURGERY}' said the receptionist, handing me a printout of the Google maps directions between ${SURGERY} and ${OTHER_SURGERY}.

This crucial fact hadn't been mentioned when I booked the appointment, or in the SMS confirmation (which stated ${SURGERY}), or in the systmonline listing of my appointments which also states Location: ${SURGERY}.

Anyhow,  I hop back on my bike and race round to ${OTHER_SURGERY} (just over a mile),  where I present my sweaty self to the phlebotomist, apologising profusely for being late for my appointment.

'Do you have your paperwork?', she asked...

'...errr... no, sorry,  its still on my noticeboard at home  ', I replied, sheepishly.

There being only 30 minutes left of the phlebotomist session, I got back on the bike and sprinted the 3 mile round trip to home and back to ${OTHER_SURGERY}, making it back in a sweaty mess, clutching my all-important bloodwork form and finally managed to get bled.

Still,  my eleveated heart rate seemed to help in jetting the blood out into the containers.  And I got a bit of exercise in.

[Ham]

Master fettler, me

[Jurek]

Your bike appears to be up side down.

[rogerzilla]

I've just realised I've paid £99.90 to NOW TV for a service I never used after the free 3 months.  I genuinely thought I'd cancelled it via the box itself (I'm pretty careful with these things and expect them to be scams) but they silently take money via debit card without notifying you, and the amounts are small enough that you don't spot them unless you're unusually rigorous (or still get paper bank statements).  This is their business model.  Avoid.

[mrcharly-YHT]

We took out a subscription to Now TV so we could watch GoT (and other things). Then discovered that it only kept about 3 episodes available at a time. So the first few episodes of the season weren't available . . .
Must remind MrsC to terminate it.

[pcolbeck]

Oh hell I just remembered I put some very smelly cheese in the overflow fridge (contains only white wine and beer except at Christmas or if we are having a party) in the garage after Mrs Pcolbeck complained it was stinking the kitchen out - about six weeks ago. I may have to find a cloths peg for my nose before opening the fridge to deal with it.

[Guy]

Oh hell I just remembered I put some very smelly cheese in the overflow fridge (contains only white wine and beer except at Christmas or if we are having a party) in the garage after Mrs Pcolbeck complained it was stinking the kitchen out - about six weeks ago. I may have to find a cloths peg for my nose before opening the fridge to deal with it.

I can get you a gas mask and NBC suit if you think it might be necessary

[T42]

Oh hell I just remembered I put some very smelly cheese in the overflow fridge (contains only white wine and beer except at Christmas or if we are having a party) in the garage after Mrs Pcolbeck complained it was stinking the kitchen out - about six weeks ago. I may have to find a cloths peg for my nose before opening the fridge to deal with it.

When I left one French company the development held a farewell piss-up, in course of which a chum passed me a packet of scampi "because you won't feel much like cooking afterwards".  It being a warm evening, I nipped into the boss's office, put it in his hospitality fridge, and promptly forgot about it.

I later heard that since the fridge's only function was to cool drinks down it was on a timer that switched it off over the weekend. Piss-up, of course, was on a Friday.

[Torslanda]

Oh hell I just remembered I put some very smelly cheese in the overflow fridge (contains only white wine and beer except at Christmas or if we are having a party) in the garage after Mrs Pcolbeck complained it was stinking the kitchen out - about six weeks ago. I may have to find a cloths peg for my nose before opening the fridge to deal with it.

I can get you a gas mask and NBC suit if you think it might be necessary

NSFW thread for fetish stuff is THAT WAY ->