Arriving home after flying back to London. Five a.m. starts don't suit my temperament. That dread moment when I opened my eyes and saw the alarm clock had illuminated (I have one those daylight things), swearing that I'd only just gone to bed (a double episode of Fringe and DDHed something-or-other from Northern Monk meant that was essentially true). It always seems like a better idea the night before. I left the house to the sound of a cat throwing up and a plaintive cry from my wife. I don't know where she learned those words (my wife, the cat sounded like she was trying call forth Cthulu). Sorry, dear, but my taxi was outside.
Got a taxi ride in a posh Tesla thing from Schiphol down to the Leiden. I couldn't figure out how to open the door. Honestly, I like door handles. My car, admittedly, still has windows you have to roll down by hand. Despite a sat-nav system that seemed to occupy the entire dashboard, we still got lost. An inability to follow clear directions has always been Elon Musk's downfall too. You can't get in a gull-wing car without feeling like you've stepped into a mildly better future than the one we will get. I once drove a DeLorean around a Walmart carpark in NJ. I did ask, apparently the owner wasn't convinced it would do 88mph without a mechanical calamity. Probably hard to get a replacement flux capacitor these days. That, incidentally, was my first ever driving lesson. I may not have pointed that out until I was in the driving seat. Americans assume that babies simply drive out of the womb (and, if my experience is to be believed, directly onto the Garden State Parkway).
Starving now because I've only a yoghurty thing all day (that's what happens when you spend the time allotted for lunch circling Leiden in a Tesla). Of course, my wife is out and won't be back till late (wait till she learns they've replaced the trains with a bus service after 11pm – oh, those words again), so I can't even eat. I feel this justifies a school-night G&T.
Yes, my life is actually this exciting. I don't know how I bear it.
