The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[T42]

Like eating salt & pepper pistachios then rubbing one's eye, only worse.

[ElyDave]

or making spicy pickled cucumbers then rubbing your eye

I wonder how many of these we can come up with between us?

[Basil]

Slicing chillies and going for a pee.

[ElyDave]

I hope you put the knife down first

[SteveC]

I have lost an envelope of seeds. A selection of hardy annuals for sowing now and overwintering. I did this last year and it was a real success.
I was going to sow them last weekend, but we're on holiday shortly and I didn't want them sprouting before I got back, so I postponed until today. And now I cannot find them anywhere. It's not as if this is a particularly big house with loads of hiding places. My best guess is that, as they were in brown paper envelopes they were put out with the recycling midweek. Sigh.

[T42]

I have lost an envelope of seeds. A selection of hardy annuals for sowing now and overwintering. I did this last year and it was a real success.
I was going to sow them last weekend, but we're on holiday shortly and I didn't want them sprouting before I got back, so I postponed until today. And now I cannot find them anywhere. It's not as if this is a particularly big house with loads of hiding places. My best guess is that, as they were in brown paper envelopes they were put out with the recycling midweek. Sigh.

I did that with my PBP 2015 results + medal.  I haven't dared clear my desk up since.

[ElyDave]

That reminds me, I need to empty the pocket of my fleece of wild lupin seeds picked while walking in iceland

[ScumOfTheRoad]

That reminds me, I need to empty the pocket of my fleece of wild lupin seeds picked while walking in iceland

Hand over yer lupins!

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[T42]

That reminds me, I need to empty the pocket of my fleece of wild lupin seeds picked while walking in iceland

Arsène about?

[Mr Larrington]

Forgot to buy milk in Mr Sainsbury’s House of Toothy Comestibles.  Again.  Bollocks.

Fortunately no houses for sale between Larrington Towers and the corner sklep.

[Beardy]

Forgot to buy milk in Mr Sainsbury’s House of Toothy Comestibles.  Again.  Bollocks.

Fortunately no houses for sale between Larrington Towers and the corner sklep.

I bought milk when in Mr Sainsbury’s House of Toothy Comestibles, only to find that I had half of what I’d bough on the previous visit still sitting in the fridgirator. You’re quite welcome to the extra bottle at no cost if you’d like. Collection or you pay postage obv. 

[Mr Larrington]

Forgot to buy milk in Mr Sainsbury’s House of Toothy Comestibles.  Again.  Bollocks.

Fortunately no houses for sale between Larrington Towers and the corner sklep.

I bought milk when in Mr Sainsbury’s House of Toothy Comestibles, only to find that I had half of what I’d bough on the previous visit still sitting in the fridgirator. You’re quite welcome to the extra bottle at no cost if you’d like. Collection or you pay postage obv.

I still had half a pint left but it was purchased long enough ago that it would undoubtedly have made my tea taste foul.  Which is not on.

[ScumOfTheRoad]

I bought a six pack of UHT milk in  Mr Sainsburys at the time of Brexit panic buying in 2019...
Onlybto sample it in 2023 and find it was normal milk all along... Now cheese..

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[andrewc]

It's a warm & sticky day in Liverpoolshire.   I've just walked all the way to Screwfix to collect some MR16 LED bulbs for my Mum's bathroom.  I ordered 2 packs of 5 & a couple of other items I'm going to need in the near future.    In the delirious happiness caused by the banter of the chaps on the counter I've walked out with only 1 pack of bulbs.  That means a walk or ride back tomorrow, and a possible discussion.....

[Tim Hall]

I cleaned one of the chains on the Pino today. This involved separating it at the quick link, dunking it in white spirit in an old soup container and giving in the Sheldon Shake.

On reassembly, in an exciting! new! variant of "threading the chain the wrong side of the tab on the derailleur" I managed to thread it round the leg of the kickstand.  Oops.

[ian]

Turned up at the surgery for one of those fabled GP appointments at 10 am this morning. The receptionist says 'I can't find it.' Scroll back through the texts for the confirmation. Monday 16th.

A good start to my week off. Fortunately, we were in the car, I'd have been more narked if I'd walked there.

[T42]

Posting on behalf of Cafés Ximun, who sent me 4 kg of coffee instead of the 4 x 250g that I ordered (and paid for).  The carriage fees to send it back would probably eat their profit margin, but I don't really want to drink the same coffee for 4 solid months, even if they don't want payment for the extra.

[Mr Larrington]

Bung it in the freezer and bring some out on alternate Thursdays?

[T42]

More or less what they said. They phoned me up a while ago.

Trouble is, freezer's full.  Have to eat a few tartes flambées first.

[Jayjay]

I'm about due an entry here.
I put the lawnmower cable in through the open kitchen window, to plug in via a safety circuit breaker and a kitchen socket as usual, walked back out round the house, ear defenders and sunglasses on, connected mower and  - mower not spooling up on command.
Switchy - switchy, inspect and wiggle the connector again. Still no go. Did I switch the mains on? Yes, I remember doing that. Goes back to have another look. Yup, it,s on, and I tested and reset the breaker. Gave the breaker a firm push in case everything wasn't quite in. Still no mowage. At this point I mentally located my test meter, unplugged the mower cable end and planned a cable / fuse test. to check what fuse access was like on the 13 amp end I pulled it from the socket, and inspected......
The toaster plug. Whereas the mower plug was still dangling by the window.
Grass is now cut.

[Mrs Pingu]

 

[Kim]

A couple of years ago, in a fit of Shiny! New! label printer excitement, I went round labelling all the mains plugs on things.  This has prevented a couple of counts of related divvery, and failed to prevent one (in which barakta misheard me, and unplugged the plug with the bright yellow "DO NOT UNPLUG" label on it, with hilarious consequences).

[Pingu]

Still, well done on mowing the lawn with a toaster, thobut 

[Mr Larrington]

The fact of this week’s grocery shopping costing a welcome amount less than last week’s has little to do with Prices of Toothy Comestibles and everything to do with only buying enough scran for six days   You imbecile cow.

[T42]

Moo?