The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[Mrs Pingu]

Give the tin of tomatoes a gentle shake *before* you crack the ring pull, you tool.

[Mr Larrington]

When putting out cat fud:

• Put the cat fud bowl on the floor rather than leaving it on a worktop
• Don't put the cat fud bowl in a cat-free room and then close the door

Fortunately for both me and the cats other cat fud was available so they didn’t get starved enough to try to eat me.

[Mrs Pingu]

Me, again.
Thought I would try and eliminate one of the chinks of light from the bedroom curtains by getting a 'curtain overlap' kit for the track.
Except I assumed that the bedroom curtain track was a Swish, like the living room one is.

Reader, it isn't, as I discovered when said overlap kit was delivered today.

[Mr Larrington]

When putting out cat fud:

• Put the cat fud bowl on the floor rather than leaving it on a worktop
• Don't put the cat fud bowl in a cat-free room and then close the door

Fortunately for both me and the cats other cat fud was available so they didn’t get starved enough to try to eat me.

#2 may actually have been Charlie the Builder closing the door coz he's working on the landing outside that room at the moment.  Actually, he's outside chatting with the brickies ATM but I'm not the one paying him.

[cycleman]

Repairing a puncture for a friend I replaced the tyre before refitting the repaired inner tube 

[Kim]

Repairing a puncture for a friend I replaced the tyre before refitting the repaired inner tube 

Tubeless conversion, innit.

[Kim]

I've somehow managed to stab myself in the thumb with my other thumb - and draw blood - while opening a jar.   

The injury is in the profile of my thumbnail, and is now itching like a cat scratch.

[T42]

Me, again.
Thought I would try and eliminate one of the chinks of light from the bedroom curtains by getting a 'curtain overlap' kit for the track.
Except I assumed that the bedroom curtain track was a Swish, like the living room one is.

Reader, it isn't, as I discovered when said overlap kit was delivered today.

Chap I once knew used to carry a stapler for niggardly hotel curtains. One sharp jerk in the morning and they were open again.  Had to be careful in bare feet, though.

[Mr Larrington]

Posted for and on behalf of Charlie the Builder:

Yesterday: CtB mislays phone.  Not in his car or anywhere in the Schloß.  Try ringing it but hear nothing.  CtB revisits three shops wot he went to in the morning.  No phone.  Buys new phone.

Today: CtB finds missing phone tangled up in tarp covering his wood pile

This, he says, is why his phone of choice is the £7 Tesco Special.

[Mrs Pingu]

Me, again.
Thought I would try and eliminate one of the chinks of light from the bedroom curtains by getting a 'curtain overlap' kit for the track.
Except I assumed that the bedroom curtain track was a Swish, like the living room one is.

Reader, it isn't, as I discovered when said overlap kit was delivered today.

Chap I once knew used to carry a stapler for niggardly hotel curtains. One sharp jerk in the morning and they were open again.  Had to be careful in bare feet, though.

I guess women with enough hair (not me) could use one of those sprung hair clip thingies.

[Kim]

I guess women with enough hair (not me) could use one of those sprung hair clip thingies.

I think we may in fact have one of those clipped to the curtain.

I've also used bulldog clips and 25A crocogator clips to the same effect.

[PaulF]

Divery 1: I left my hotel keycard in my room.

Divery 2: I then proceeded to the 13th floor and cursed when the new card didn't work. My room is on the 8th floor.

I have form on this, many years ago in a desert far away (well actually just across the King Fahad causeway) I spent 10 minutes trying to check out of room 846. Reception insisted they had no such room and in fact only had 6 floors. In fairness I had stayed in a room 846 in a different city, 2 nights previously. 

[ian]

When I used to travel all the time and could be on the road for weeks at a time and a different hotel every night or so I had resort to taking a photo of my room number each time.

[chrisbainbridge]

When I used to travel all the time and could be on the road for weeks at a time and a different hotel every night or so I had resort to taking a photo of my room number each time.

We now do that in large car parks especially at the airport.

[quixoticgeek]

Got as far as the second train, and second ticket check of the day only to discover the ferry ticket, and thus my train ticket to any greater Anglia station that I had printed off is from March...

Oops

Fortunately I had the PDF on my phone.

J

[chrisbainbridge]

Spent yesterday evening making a gluten free picnic for the flight today. They are still in the fridge in the flat and hipster we are at the airport!

[quixoticgeek]

Travelling for the weekend I made sure I have multiple inhalers with me (one in each bag, one in coat).

Of the 3 I brought with me. 2 are empty...

J

[CommuteTooFar]

I have taught myself the ability to make basic pastry.  I have an apple tree that produced a lot this year.  The inevitable happened and the freezer filled up with apple tarts.

So today I retrieved last but one tart and put in the oven. When it was cooked I took it out.  Then I noticed I had not removed the cling film from the pie dish. 

[Paul]

I have taught myself the ability to make basic pastry.  I have an apple tree that produced a lot this year.  The inevitable happened and the freezer filled up with apple tarts.

So today I retrieved last but one tart and put in the oven. When it was cooked I took it out.  Then I noticed I had not removed the cling film from the pie dish.

A worthy effort!

[Tim Hall]

An errand on Saturday necessitated the use of my bar bag, which in my case I could not find, neither in the Right Cupboard, the Other Cupboards nor the SEECRIT Buknker.

Replay when I last had it. Ooh, the weekend before. What did I do that weekend? Think some more. Scout thing Sunday afternoon by car. Not that.  Coffee in town. Possibly. Ring cafe. No sign. What else did I do? Ah yes, visit to a  microbrewery , tasting of wares for the use of. On bike. I only had three pints, but I nearly forgot my coat as I left, having to go back after 20metres. I suspect I left it there. Maybe. Ring the brewery , but they aintent seen it. Arse.   

[T42]

Elevenses:



But two minutes later I knocked the plate against the edge of the door and bathed my croissant in coffee. There's no fool like an old fool.

OTOH my sweater now has a cuff that smells nice.

[ElyDave]

Divery 1: I left my hotel keycard in my room.

Divery 2: I then proceeded to the 13th floor and cursed when the new card didn't work. My room is on the 8th floor.

I have form on this, many years ago in a desert far away (well actually just across the King Fahad causeway) I spent 10 minutes trying to check out of room 846. Reception insisted they had no such room and in fact only had 6 floors. In fairness I had stayed in a room 846 in a different city, 2 nights previously.

my version of this was staying in a mirror image room of the previous week, and waking up one morning utterly disoriented. Took me a good 5 mins to work through day-week-client-location, not necesarily in that order.

I've also had the excitement of being given an already occupied room, in Jakarta, inhabited by a very confused chinese couple.  My slight inebriation probably didn't help, waved my hands vaguely and went back down to reception to get a new room.  And then promptly forgot the number of it between breakfast and getting back up to the floor again the next morning.

[Beardy]

There’s a lot to be said for big clunky keyrings with the room number heavily engraved I large friendly fonts.

[mrcharly-YHT]

There’s a lot to be said for big clunky keyrings with the room number heavily engraved I large friendly fonts.

The problem with that is, people lose keys. Keys and keycards.

If the room number is on the key, then a thief can just stroll in, wave the keys at the desk, and then let themselves into your room.

[robgul]

There’s a lot to be said for big clunky keyrings with the room number heavily engraved I large friendly fonts.

I used to stay quite frequently in one of the big hotels in Bloomsbury, London, where the room keys were attached to metal rod about 40cm long - making it rather difficult to leave the building with the key.

To my shame I have a heavy brass key fob for my house keys - purloined from a hotel in the Loire Valley in 1978!