Nothing. But I tried.
Early o'clock hundred hours today, a dark lane, Surrey.
I'm on the FNRTTC, all going smoothly, about 12km from The Edifice halfway stop. The person in front crunches to a stop. I'm not on TEC Duties, my Young Lady is getting chilly, there is plenty of help around so we carry on. 100m later we pass a young lad also with bike trouble. We stop. "gears won't turn" he says. Chain is unshipped at the rear, put it on. Still no joy. Chain is jammed between big and small rings, so I give it Serious Welly to free it. Something is still Not Right. Bollocks, rear mech is in two pieces, with tension arm adrift from the rest. There's a central pivot pin with a groove in one end that a pin should engage in. The pin is making a bid for freedom from its push fit hole. Should be easy, as easy as such repairs are, laying in the road, head torch on, hands getting cold. Nope. Things Won't Align, so after 20 minutes of Bad Swears and Dicking Around I decide to bodge it into a single speed, let him ride to the tea break and fix it in the warm. 12 speed sodding chain, vertical drop outs, so tolerances are tight,but I find a straightish line and a lucky magic gear. Except the chain ring is not concentric with the BB spindle, so the chain binds in some parts and is loose in others. I explain to the rider how to pedal using the part circles. Off we finally go. Not good. $MoreStuff, Unofficial Broom Wagon arrives from the halfway point to ferry bike and rider.
Eventually, having got outside of cup of coffee and a sandwich, we retrieve the bike from the Broom Wagon and take a look. In the light and warmth it's easier. There's a spring coaxial with the pivot, the ends of which engage in holes. Push it together, push pin home, but there's no tension in the arm. The spring needs winding by turning the tension arm back but I can't do that as there's a stop in the way. Can't get the pin out as it's now pushed home all the way. Arse. Young rider gets a lift to the station from Max, the kind man I/C refreshments. I put away All The Tools. My audience fades away.
L-R Dog Trousers, StuAff, Jim W, The Young Rider, me