Author Topic: Befuddling Child Utterances  (Read 99423 times)

Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #975 on: June 24, 2017, 09:43:41 pm »
My MiL, she who is living proof that wisdom does not necessarily come with age, should be allowed here, which is the nearest thing we have to a thread for malapropisms that are not a mispronunciation.

"Yes, [after being at a restaurant for lunch] I had soup. It was tied chicken soup"

Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #976 on: September 21, 2017, 03:39:21 pm »
"What did you do in PE today?"
"We played football, but not in a football sense."

(It did make sense when he explained what they'd done, but not like that.)
The earth is vast and beautiful and contains many miraculous places. (Chekhov)

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #977 on: December 08, 2017, 01:08:48 pm »
"I don't like light; it gets in my eyes.  I'm not contrary."
Getting there...

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #978 on: December 08, 2017, 03:20:43 pm »
N is not the only person to find low sunlight both irritating and blinding.

Suggest cap with peak.

Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #979 on: December 14, 2017, 06:19:19 am »
Two from my Sister in Law, who is a teacher of 14 year olds at a girl's school

She was explaining how in the gut food is digested and undergoes both chemical and mechanical changes.............

One smart Alec pointed out - "SweetCorn doesn't Miss!"


The other one was during a "Sex Education" lesson

Why is it called a "Blow Job" when you suck?


Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #980 on: December 14, 2017, 11:20:26 am »
Two from my Sister in Law, who is a teacher of 14 year olds at a girl's school

She was explaining how in the gut food is digested and undergoes both chemical and mechanical changes.............

One smart Alec pointed out - "SweetCorn doesn't Miss!"
That is what is know in the profession as a 'teaching point'. Sweetcorn needs chewing to get the pulp out. Chewing mixed starches with saliva which contains enzymes etc, Swallow sweetcorn whole and lookforward to saying hello to it later on, virtually unchanged.
<i>Marmite slave</i>

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #981 on: December 14, 2017, 06:45:14 pm »
Toddler diarrhoea is known as 'peas & carrots' in the trade...

woollypigs

  • Mr Peli
    • woollypigs
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #982 on: December 15, 2017, 06:23:38 am »
From Twitter

Quote
[5yo lines dolls up on blanket]
5yo: This is Elly. She's on school holidays too.
Me: Great. Is Elly hungry for lunch?
6yo: No she's full. She eats the dreams of children at night time.

Me:

https://twitter.com/manjusrii/status/941482799831310336?s=17

Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #983 on: December 16, 2017, 09:16:26 am »
"This banana is too curvy, I want a straight one"

Brought to you by the department of EU myths.
Quote from: Kim
^ This woman knows what she's talking about.

Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #984 on: December 18, 2017, 09:52:07 pm »
Me: "What do you think Grandma would like for Christmas?"
N, with great confidence: "A Skateboard".

Both his grandmothers are 78. Neither are noted for their feats of gymnastic athleticism.
Quote from: Kim
^ This woman knows what she's talking about.

Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #985 on: December 18, 2017, 11:38:45 pm »
Hence she would like a skateboard as an easy, step-free alternative to walking.
The earth is vast and beautiful and contains many miraculous places. (Chekhov)

Kim

  • 2nd in the world
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #986 on: December 18, 2017, 11:40:55 pm »
Also good for wheeling stuff about, if you're not too fussed about which direction it goes in.
To ride the Windcheetah, first, you must embrace the cantilever...

Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #987 on: February 08, 2018, 08:23:23 pm »
A few years back I was working staff on a activity holiday camp up in Derbyshire. One of the lads I knew from home points to the red cross people there to sort out skinned knees etc. That's really good of them he says. What I ask. To come all the way from Witham to do this. I had to explain to him the Res cross are a worldwide organisation and not as he thought 10 people from our town.

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #988 on: February 27, 2018, 01:30:49 pm »
The Little Duck woke at 0600* saying, '<mumble>-seven, sixty-eight, sixty-nine, seventy!'

And surprised himself as much as me :)



* a lie in!
Getting there...

rower40

  • Not my boat. Mine has SPDs.
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #989 on: February 27, 2018, 04:04:45 pm »
Oldest (4y 8m old): "Antarctica is pitch-white".
Be Naughty; save Santa a trip

CrinklyLion

  • The one with devious, cake-pushing ways....
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #990 on: February 27, 2018, 04:12:16 pm »
Oldest (4y 8m old): "Antarctica is pitch-white".

4annahalfannabit!! Oh my word, where does the time go.

Kim

  • 2nd in the world
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #991 on: February 27, 2018, 04:12:57 pm »
My thoughts exactly.
To ride the Windcheetah, first, you must embrace the cantilever...

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #992 on: March 05, 2018, 10:28:44 am »
Little Duck throughout Winter: 'I want to build a snowman!  I want to build a snowman!  I want to build a snowman!'

Little Duck when there is sufficient snow on the ground: 'I don't want to go out - it's too cold!'

Today: 'Hurray!  The snow is nearly all melted!'

Me: 'I give up!' :/
Getting there...

Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #993 on: March 05, 2018, 10:36:38 am »
I reckon it has to be warm inside to make it pleasant going out in the cold. If you're not warm or only moderately warm before going out, no amount of activity in the cold gets you properly warmed up. At least for me.
The earth is vast and beautiful and contains many miraculous places. (Chekhov)

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #994 on: March 05, 2018, 01:48:39 pm »
He's been warm enough to doff throughout.  Running about half-nekkid making his mother feel cold(er) :D
Getting there...

Kim

  • 2nd in the world
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #995 on: March 05, 2018, 02:04:09 pm »
Running about half-nekkid making his mother feel cold(er) :D

A tradition, an old charter or something.
To ride the Windcheetah, first, you must embrace the cantilever...

Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #996 on: March 07, 2018, 06:33:09 pm »
Running about half-nekkid making his mother feel cold(er) :D

A tradition, an old charter or something.
Quote
“Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.”
Ambrose Bierce, the Unabridged Devil's Dictionary (which I have in dead tree form but my e-version appears to be abridged)
"No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everybody on the couch."

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #997 on: March 08, 2018, 10:51:07 am »
;D Indeed.
Getting there...

Kim

  • 2nd in the world
Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #998 on: April 10, 2018, 06:58:22 pm »
"Chicken comes from pigs!" - small in supermarket queueueue in front of me, failing to grasp the facts of life.  The conversation proceeded in a distinctly vegetarian direction.
To ride the Windcheetah, first, you must embrace the cantilever...

Re: Befuddling Child Utterances
« Reply #999 on: May 11, 2018, 08:18:42 pm »
Little beastie had a melt down at dinner the other day as we said no to fish cakes for dessert. After calming down and some questioning it transpired she meant cheesecake.