My bestest of all; the time I boiled my bum.
16yrs old and lazy. Everyone away at the horse races, I'm on my own on a Saturday. Being lazy in front of TV all afternoon.
I leave it late to feed the horses. Need to take a kettle of boiling water to the stables (about 100yards away), and the pickup so I can get feed out to a paddock.
Instead of boiling the kettle, carrying it to the feedshed, then coming back for the pickup, I decide I'll do both at the same time. So I boil kettle, jump in pickup and set off, holding kettle with my left hand. This pickup had a vinyl bench seat.
Fine, initially, then pulling round the front of the house on the slope, I took hand off kettle to change gear. In a rush because late.
Kettle fell over, lid came off it, still-bubbling water drenched my legs and backside - due to the vinyl seat I was literally sitting in a pool of boiling water.
I shot straight out of the open window without touching the sides.
Description in spoilers because nasty
I was wearing shorts, very short aussie style shorts. Yanked them off almost before I hit the ground. Twisted to look at my legs. Have you ever steamed wallpaper? That's what my skin was like. From top of buttocks to back of knees, it bubbled and peeled off in big strips and lumps.
Pickup stalled, thankfully.
I went into house, phoned a staff member to ask if they could come to feed the horses (their day off). Then phoned hospital for advice. Described my burns. Nurse says "Oh my god" and tells me to sit in a bath of cold water, an ambulance is on the way.
I duly sit in bath. A while later, there is a shouting outside "Alastair, Alastair, where are you?". It is ambulance driver, who is also the school bus driver, tearing in with oxygen tank in hand.
Several weeks in hospital. 2nd degree burns on both legs and both buttocks. At first they thought I'd need skin grafts, but it all grew back.
