Yesterday I had a "mature cheese baguette" from Gregg's. Audax food, so anything goes, surely? Even after 177 weary km it was uneatable. Let's start with the baguette. Calling it this in France would probably get you guillotined. It was both dry and doughy at the same time, as if it hadn't been baked long enough and then had been left. Sort of white rubber. This baguette-shaped object was spread with a substance presumably intended to imitate butter, or maybe it was meant to be a margarine substitute. It was yellow, that is all that could be definitively said about it. I probably should have used it on my squeaky jockey wheels. Then there was lettuce, cucumber and tomato. These at least were the genuine items and actually quite good to eat. Lastly we come to the "mature cheese". It might well have been mature but it definitely wasn't cheese. I strongly suspect it had been scraped from the earlobes of Gregg's employee of the month. I forced about half the baguette-like entity into my mouth then picked out the salad and threw the rest into a hedge. There were sheep in the field; if a new disease strikes Monmouthshire sheep, this will be why.
