G Imlach: | O hai! Back on teh chain gang hahahaha sometiems I crack me up. Another da wif da Central Massive: itzy, bitzy, little bit ritzy, risky little bit! Linton Kwesi Intellectual said that! |
Omnes: | No he didn't! |
G Imlach: | Chiz curses foiled agane! D Friebe and/or M Rendall! Interview sumwun & maek it snappy! |
M Rendall: | O hai mi spikim R Bardet! Major-domo Junior Kickstart! |
R Bardet: | Yes. |
Omnes: | When woz teh last tiem u seen a motorbiek wif a kickstart, M Rendall? |
M Rendall: | Helical Zahnfabrik Dinamo Moskva back 4! |
Omnes: | Is teh tape on teh bak of J Alaphilippe's neck 2 keep teh charging port dry? |
G Imlach: | Quick! 2 teh colematary sheds! |
N Boulting: | CP Sagan! |
SD Millar: | There shall be much assault attacking! I, TV's Super D Millar, hav spoken! |
N Boulting: | Cathars Albi bricks suppression an' loadsa killin's! |
EO Aquitaine: | Don't look at me! I was DED by then! |
N Boulting: | C Ewan... |
SD Millar: | Poo! Look @ teh château! |
N Boulting: | T Wellens TD Gendt not assault attack 2da! |
C Prudhomme: | Get away from mi car, u mindless fannies! [Waves fleg] |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | 5 optimists in teh break T Walloper N Berhane A Turgis M Würtz OC Eiking. He's a Nogweegie. Did I tell u mi Nogweegie st... |
Omnes: | Shut! Up! |
ML Maire: | Eiking teh Viking LOL! |
JJ Jarlinsson [teh Colombian Viking]: | He's not a real Viking! |
OC Viking: | Am so! Also, I am in teh Tour ov France while u, JJ Jarlinsson, teh Colombian doper, r not! |
T Gallopin: | |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | Look, see! M Schär haz cort teh break! |
SD Millar: | Meh! Teh pelican will not let them get 14 minits 2da. 5 minits tops. |
Bethany (9): | Don't txt me wha'ever hapenz I doan feel well bthny |
N Boulting: | A giant... picking up a kitten1! |
Omnes: | What did he just sa? |
M Kitteh: | I woz thinking teh saem thing! Also, miaow! |
N Boulting: | A Turgis! 1 ov 3 pro cycling bruvvers! |
SD Millar: | Bruvvers! |
N Boulting: | Sagan Yates Schleck Nibbles Indurain Bouhanni Montoya Quintana Bewlay! |
Omnes: | Two Bouhannis? Teh fear: we haz it LOLZ0RZ! |
N Bouhanni [via Wol]: | Chat shit, get banged! Wnkrs! |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | Naff all going on so iz tiem 4 M Smith & unwilling prisoner D Rowe! D Rowe co-colemantate on La Thing wif L Martin & me & not R Gilmore! |
Omnes: | \o/ No R Gilmore teh Doubleplusgood Duckspeaker! |
D Rowe: | Giro Rosa AV Vleuten M Vos! |
| [FX: BRRRRGGGGZAPF] |
D Rowe: | Owwwwww! |
M Smith: | That woz ur fault! U maed me do it! nataS pihsroW! Now, G Thomas? |
D Rowe: | Eeeep! |
D Friebe: | C ect! [Interviews G Bennett] |
G Bennett: | Criket! Piss! |
D Friebe: | C ect! [Interviews D Impey] |
D Impey: | Fintistic! |
D Rowe: | Shinyjumper privet hedge stage win oh yes2! |
| [...] |
M Smith: | Look, see! Yesterda a fan hauling a sillybollocks out ov teh road! |
N Roche [on Twitter]: | This Unit hereby endorses this product, service or sentiment. |
V Nibbles: | This ^^^^! |
D Rowe: | Rispek! MOAR pls! |
M Smith: | AD Marchi? |
AD Marchi: | I ATE'NT DEAD!! |
D Rowe: | Did I tell u about teh tiem I b0rked 10 ribs & punktured a lung? |
ML Maire: | Yes. Yes, u did. Last tiem u woz M Smith's gimp. Put me rite off mi lunch! |
| [...] |
M Smith: | Wimminz racing? |
D Rowe: | Beter than manz racing becoz no tedious 200 km transition stages! |
M Smith: | Strategies & logistics! |
A Chart3: | [Sensible Stuffs on teh subj. ov women's racing] |
NC Boardman [via NiecNet]: | This Unit hereby endorses this product, service or sentiment. |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | Wind! |
TP Kennaugh: | Wind! T AS-TA-NA mite b waiting. 4 it. |
N Boulting: | A Vinokourov Albi! |
A Vinokourov: | MI RE-VEN-GE WIL BE SWETE! |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | J Alaphilippe Dauphiné tiem-trail! Duffed up T Pinot! |
TP Kennaugh: | I kepe telling u! J Alaphilippe can still pwn teh Tour! |
N Boulting: | River! I fancy a swim! |
TP Kennaugh: | River walking! Walking up rivers! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
N Boulting: | J Alaphilippe Tourmalet! He'l b tired! |
TP Kennaugh: | So will everyone. T Ineo$ thobut. |
N Boulting: | N Bahane spottypoints. No throat1 2 T Wellens! |
| [...] |
C Lion: | Some top bridgey goodness 2da! |
N Boulting: | I wish I cud sa teh saem about teh racing! Back 2 Vsquared's broom cupboard M Smith D Rowe! |
| [...] |
M Smith: | Feed zone! 2 riders yesterda fined 4 irresponsible bidon disposal! |
T Steels [via message-inna-bottle]: | Amateurs! |
M Smith: | La Thing! 5 laps ov teh tiem-trail course! |
D Rowe: | Shud be good 4 teh LOLZ0RZ! Especially coz I doan haz 2 ride it! |
M Smith: | M Vos! Teh CP Sagan ov teh wimminz pelican! |
D Rowe: | Other way round, surely? |
| [FX: BRRRRGGGGZAPF] |
M Smith: | And stop calling me "Shirley"! Now, predict me Teh Wuurrrrld Championships! |
D Rowe: | M Vos even tho L Deignan iz local. |
M Smith: | & teh Tour? |
D Rowe: | C Ewan 2da G Thomas teh Tour! |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | Iz coming teh sprint sprint sprintEEEE! CP Sagan will haz 2 sing 4 hiz suppa! |
CP Sagan: | Ur teh 1 that I want ooh ooh ooh! Crazy! |
Omnes: | Don't start that agane! |
CP Sagan: | [Sulks] |
M Monfort: | T AS-TA-NA! WTF u do? |
N Boulting: | T AS-TA-NA! WTF they do? |
SD Millar: | Dunno. & nor do they! |
T AS-TA-NA: | WE HAZ A PLAN! |
N Boulting: | Well, wot iz it? |
T AS-TA-NA: | A VI-NO-KOU-ROV WON'T TELL US! |
OC Viking: | \o/ Snottypoints! I iz a Nogweegie & there4 must folow teh xsampl ov teh grate God, T Hushovd! |
S Colbrelli: | \o/ Snottypoints! Taek that, CP Sagan! |
CP Sagan: | R u teh stupidz or sumfing? Or wot? |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | Wind! Plateau red alert AWOOGA! |
Omnes: | [Waeks up] |
N Boulting: | ... in 25 km! |
SD Millar: | Teh pelican iz twitchy! |
N Boulting: | If this woz teh Camargue teh pelican wud ov exploded! |
SD Millar: | Birb! Tell us, B ***die, wot manner ov birb that be? |
N Boulting: | Iz a, er, I nearly got a bok on teh Birbs ov France from a bok box! |
SD Millar: | So u doan kno? |
N Boulting: | [Thru gritted teefs] No. |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | Nogweegian riders! |
SD Millar: | Danish riders! |
N Boulting: | Y no Swedes? |
K Wallander: | They all bin murdid! |
| [...] |
Y Offredo: | Dropped bi teh pelican! AGANE! I h8 this! |
N Boulting: | Still 27 km 2 go! |
SD Millar: | Er, 72 km, ***! |
N Boulting: | It's gotta 7 in it! [Aside:] Fck! Off! |
| [...] |
SD Millar: | ...and iffen teh pelican iz 2 defensive it becomes offensive! |
N Boulting: | And then it becomes... A THING1! |
Omnes: | And who can argue wif that, ***? |
SD Millar: | Look, see! L Rowe on teh front pelican strung out! |
T Ineo$: | That maed u lite up & sa "Tilt", eh? |
SD Millar: | TV's R Sorensen sez iffen teh break haz 1 minit wif 30 km 2 go they mite not get cort! |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | OC Viking! Thrown off teh Vuelta 4 drinking BEER. After teh stage, obv. |
OC Viking: | I onli had 2! |
SD Millar: | That u can remember roffle! |
OC Viking: | Fck! Off! |
| [...] |
SD Millar: | Look, see! Teh pelican haz let teh gap go from 30" -> 2 minits! This sho teh strength ov teh pelican! |
N Boulting: | It does? |
SD Millar: | [Improvising desperately] Er, yes! It's teh wind, teh parcours & TDQ Step! |
N Boulting: | U lie, Super D! |
SD Millar: | [Desperately changing teh subj.] T Moviestar will assault attack in teh Pyraknees becoz they r near Spaign-o! |
T Moviestar: | We will? News 2 us! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Teh break iz gaining MOAR tiem! Teh teams ov teh sprint0rz r aslepe! |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | TEFE First haz woken up & teh pelican haz a hole in it! |
SD Millar: | Meh! They will get bak on. |
S Calamityjane: | I won't, I h8 this & don't call me "Sue"! |
J Alaphilippe: | C me go 2 teh front ov teh pelican 4 teh LOLZ0RZ! |
T Pinot: | Stop it. U tit! |
| [...] |
N Boulting: | Wile we woz off @ teh shitverts teh gap is 11 seconds, teh pelican, liek Gaul, iz in tres partes, G Bennett iz in teh 3rd part &... |
G Bennett: | 1st teh criket & now this? I h8 this! |
SD Millar: | Break cort but T Pinot R Porte J Birdsong r in teh 2nd bit ov pelican! |
N Boulting: | Yoicks! |
SD Millar: | T Ineo$ teh Yates bruvs T Moviestar in teh front! |
Bethany (9): | Where's mi Da... R Urán? |
N Boulting: | 2nd froup. |
Bethany (9): | Ta, ***! Y the room not sta still? |
SD Millar: | Even iffen teh 2nd froup gets bak on they will be fuXX0red & alone! |
N Boulting: | S Reichenbach! Wot can he do? |
Omnes: | Fall off hiz biek? Ba-dum TISH! |
S Reichenbach: | That's! Not! Funny! |
SD Millar: | T Moviestar haz sent 3 muppets bak 2 help M Landa & left I Montoya N Quintana on hiz own! |
N Boulting: | This iz bonkers & teh Gr. Pinot is fuXX0red! |
SD Millar: | GC race! Stage incidental! |
Sprint0rz: | O RLY? |
J Alaphilippe: | O RLY? |
SD Millar: | T Sunweb haz full team 4 M Matthews! |
N Boulting: | TB Hansgrohe ride 4 E Buchmann! |
CP Sagan: | Iz not a promble! Lead-out tranes r 4 lusers! |
WV Aert: | \o/ |
E Viviani: | Er, \o/ actually! |
WV Aert: | No, \o/ |
E Viviani: | Piss. |
| [100 seconds later] |
T Pinot: | FFS! |
G Imlach: | Wowzas! That's set teh kitteh among teh birbs! GC J Alaphilippe G Thomas E Bernal! |
M Rendall: | O hai mi spikim DV Baarle! |
DV Baarle: | Hahahahahahaha full gas LOL @ TEFE First! |
D Friebe: | C ect [Interviews G Thomas] |
G Thomas: | Yeah good day yeah LOL @ T Pinot & J Birdseed yeah! |
SD Millar: | LOL @ TEFE First u got pwned! Hahahaha! |
M Rendall: | O hai mi spikim J Alaphilippe! |
J Alaphilippe: | Yes, iz OK! Full gas niec day hahahaha! |
D Hutch [via telepathy]: | That's wot I mene! That woz biek racing doned very badly indeed! |
1: Actual dialogue.
2: For the avoidance of doubt, D Rowe says interesting things & is not permanently switched to "Transmit".
.