Two for the price of one today…
Jamise the cat…. I know you are getting on a bit and, well frankly I am not sure you are all there anymore (if you ever were) but please do not be pooing in my office.
Yes, I know was raining and windy outside yesterday evening when I let you shelter in my office after work, but the door was ajar and I know you know how to opened it fully to get out, so why drop a load of extra smelly poo on my turbo mat? It took ages to clean up and now my office smells a mix between Jeyes Fluid and cat droppings. Not nice.
Secondly….right need to put on a corny local radio advert theme tune here….
“Hi, retired and nothing to do all day…. Want to get out and irritate people….. fancy a bit on the side….well why not come “swimming” at Stafford leisure centre between 7.30 and 9am any week day.
We can guarantee that you will pull if you want to: there is a lot of hot totty available without needing to bother with those computer app thingies. Simply pull on your tightest slug smugglers/ lowest cut swimming costume and pull to your heart's content.”
“Ability to swim not required. Your hair will not get wet unless you allow it to do so.”
I don’t know about other swimming pools early in the morning but my local one is full of two types of people: those doing lane swims against targets set by coaches and the over 65’s so come along to chat including trying to “pull/get pulled” by others of their age. This morning there were 20 such persons in the pool just socialising/ trying to get a date. Okay, if you want to do so great, but do it somewhere else! To quote my late Mum...."it's like a knocking shop in there!"
God, I am a miserable person!