Yet Another Cycling Forum

General Category => Freewheeling => Topic started by: andyoxon on 30 March, 2021, 03:15:20 pm

Title: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: andyoxon on 30 March, 2021, 03:15:20 pm
Any piece or section that can be separated from something, will eventually tend separate itself and become lost.

case in point, multitool chain hook.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: ravenbait on 30 March, 2021, 03:18:00 pm
Anything that can rattle will eventually start rattling.

Sam
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Polar Bear on 30 March, 2021, 04:05:45 pm
There are real hills, Dutch hills and brane hills.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Lightning Phil on 30 March, 2021, 04:33:44 pm
All components have a built in ability to make their squeak sound like it’s coming from somewhere else.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: LMT on 30 March, 2021, 05:03:33 pm
Applies to brevets or any longish ride:-

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Kim on 30 March, 2021, 05:45:16 pm
The last 20km of any ride are always the hardest, irrespective of total distance.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Kim on 30 March, 2021, 05:46:42 pm
Downhill is always the wrong direction.  (So treat inviting descents with suspicion and check your map/routesheet/gremlin first.)
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Hot Flatus on 30 March, 2021, 05:48:39 pm
Anywhere with the word 'down' in its name is, in fact, up.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Kim on 30 March, 2021, 05:49:48 pm
Anything stored in a jersey rear pocket while riding a recumbent will either cause bruising, be squished into an unappetising mush or have the important information written on it rendered unreadable by sweat.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Kim on 30 March, 2021, 05:56:48 pm
Any piece of cycling equipment that is both  a) really good at its job  and  b) subject to wear  will be discontinued by the manufacturer by the time you need a replacement.

Corollary: Any attempt at stockpiling to avoid this problem will render the original item either indestructible, or unusable due to component incompatibility, weight gain/loss, acquired disability or similar.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Basil on 30 March, 2021, 05:58:05 pm
You didn't find both the thorns in your tyre before re fitting and inflating.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: paddyirish on 30 March, 2021, 06:08:38 pm
The p**ct*re faerie is looking out for the day you forgot to bring your pump/CO2
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Ham on 30 March, 2021, 06:25:05 pm
Anywhere with the word 'down' in its name is, in fact, up.

Downham is therefore, up my way?
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Hot Flatus on 30 March, 2021, 07:27:27 pm
Used to be called Wycombe before everyone got hooked on crack
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Zed43 on 30 March, 2021, 08:30:01 pm
You'll have a head wind on the way out. And again on the way back.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: meddyg on 30 March, 2021, 08:35:57 pm
If you've paused to look at your phone or eat a sandwich
passing cyclists enquire if you're OK.....

sweet !
Title: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Davef on 30 March, 2021, 09:40:55 pm
Anywhere with the word 'down' in its name is, in fact, up.

And conversely, I have often wondered why High Wycombe is in the valley.
... apart from the bit which is on top of the hill, Downley.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: meddyg on 30 March, 2021, 10:09:16 pm
Sleek cyclists in club colours
don't make eye contact or say 'Ayup!'


Addition of tri-bars and testosterone reinforces behaviour.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Jaded on 31 March, 2021, 12:04:12 am
Everyone else hates you. Including some cyclists.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: nuttycyclist on 31 March, 2021, 05:47:46 pm
There are safe places to cycle, they are called roads.
There are dangerous places to cycle, they are called cycle infrastructure.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: iandusud on 02 April, 2021, 07:51:30 am
The last 20km of any ride are always the hardest, irrespective of total distance.
Strangely I've often found the opposite to be true on long rides.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: iandusud on 02 April, 2021, 08:05:20 am
The p**ct*re faerie is looking out for the day you forgot to bring your pump/CO2
This is true. I always carry a pump, spare tube and patches. Upon moving up to Yorkshire a few years ago I left my summer carbon bike in London as I was going to be travelling back 10 days later to go off to do the Etape du Tour. So I went out for a hard ride on my winter bike only to realise that I had left my bag with the above items on the other bike. So I stuffed a spare tube in my pocket and hoped for the best. I told my wife that I'd be back in about 3 hours. Well you know how it is, out in the Dales lovely weather, so the ride got somewhat extended and having passed lots of cyclists all afternoon I got a p*ncture between Lofthouse and Patley Bridge. So I decided to remove the tube, find the cause of the puncture and await another cyclist to borrow a pump. Needless to say I waited 45 minutes before another cyclist came by! I couldn't phone my wife because I couldn't get signal and I stopped a few times on the way back with the same result only to discover when I go home that it was a problem with my phone. But boy did I make good time from Patley Bridge to  Harrogate. When I got home about 2 hours later than expected my wife wasn't at all worried (not the first time this has happened  ;D). However it just goes to prove that the above statement is VERY true. I ride virtually every day of the week and I reckon I get on average around 1 p*cnture a year.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: De Sisti on 02 April, 2021, 08:23:02 am
Riders who come up and talk to you always think they are interesting, and that you want their conversation and presence.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: The Family Cyclist on 02 April, 2021, 08:45:04 am
There are safe places to cycle, they are called roads.
There are dangerous places to cycle, they are called cycle infrastructure.

I'd say mostly but good infrastructure in the rare places it exists are wonderful....but thats a whole different thread to this one

Oh and bus lanes which only serve a temporary closed park and ride are bloody wonderful to cycle in
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: T42 on 02 April, 2021, 08:50:19 am
Climbing is earning, descending is spending. Wind is income tax.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Blodwyn Pig on 02 April, 2021, 09:04:11 am
You'll have a head wind on the way out. And again on the way back.

^^^ This.  Commonly referred to as 'an  againsterly'
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: eckagain on 02 April, 2021, 09:11:49 am
Don't The Rules say that there's no such thing as a tailwind. It's either a headwind. or you're going well.  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: freeflow on 02 April, 2021, 09:20:30 am
No matter how much research you do. The oh so desirius n+1 becomes available the day you ride n for the first time.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Paul H on 02 April, 2021, 09:20:34 am
The more unusual the colour you choose for a respray, the more likely is is to be the commonest the following year.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: L CC on 02 April, 2021, 10:41:54 am
No matter how much research you do. The oh so desirius n+1 becomes available the day you ride n for the first time.
Also true for Garmins and power pedals, IM recent E
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Mr Larrington on 02 April, 2021, 11:50:48 am
Climbing is earning, descending is spending. Wind is income tax.

Have you ever considered becoming a The Chancellor of the Exchequer?

 ;)
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Lightning Phil on 02 April, 2021, 11:56:29 am
If you see a cyclist ahead up a hill you’ll most likely speed up and try and catch and pass them just before the top.  You’ll then think of some reason to stop or turn off before they can pass again. In your head you’ve won a race. Your heart rate tells the truth.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: T42 on 02 April, 2021, 01:23:32 pm
Climbing is earning, descending is spending. Wind is income tax.

Have you ever considered becoming a The Chancellor of the Exchequer?

 ;)

If only I knew how.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: imajez on 02 April, 2021, 08:34:33 pm
Anywhere with the word 'down' in its name is, in fact, up.
Downdinner Hill Whitby.  (https://www.google.com/maps/@54.483821,-0.6212311,3a,75y,206.62h,104.21t/data=!3m7!1e1!3m5!1sBqHbSq8YubsVNJct5O-2Fg!2e0!6shttps:%2F%2Fstreetviewpixels-pa.googleapis.com%2Fv1%2Fthumbnail%3Fpanoid%3DBqHbSq8YubsVNJct5O-2Fg%26cb_client%3Dmaps_sv.tactile.gps%26w%3D203%26h%3D100%26yaw%3D179.1614%26pitch%3D0%26thumbfov%3D100!7i13312!8i6656)
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: imajez on 02 April, 2021, 08:38:53 pm
Quote
Have you ever considered becoming a The Chancellor of the Exchequer?
 ;)

If only I knew how.
Ignorance of subject has never been a barrier to important Government positions.*


*[wishes I was joking]
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: McWheels on 02 April, 2021, 10:39:12 pm
In fear of pursuit
I press on into the wind
Quietly weeping
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Andrew Br on 02 April, 2021, 10:48:25 pm
Expanding on a theme already started up thread: all long rides are 20km too far*.


*A respectful nod to Tail End Charlie for espousing this particular wisdom to me on one of the audaxes that we rode together.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Blodwyn Pig on 03 April, 2021, 06:55:19 am
If you see a cyclist ahead up a hill you’ll most likely speed up and try and catch them...

Then, just as you catch them, they turn off, or stop, and you think sh*t!
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Lightning Phil on 03 April, 2021, 03:42:36 pm
Your current favourite bike will be cast aside and gather dust when you buy your new favourite bike.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: T42 on 03 April, 2021, 03:45:28 pm
Your current favourite bike will be cast aside and gather dust when you buy your new favourite bike.

Alas yes. My old warhorse reposes on the turbo these days, and the odd spider has found the front wheel and the bottle cages.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Lightning Phil on 04 April, 2021, 05:23:03 pm
People hate getting overtaken on hills by someone they consider to be too old, unsuitably dressed, looks less fit than they consider themselves to be, on a bike they think should be slower etc etc.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Hot Flatus on 04 April, 2021, 05:25:00 pm
Just make sure to smile and say hello as you pass, then everything will be ok.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Peter on 04 April, 2021, 05:40:19 pm
People hate getting overtaken on hills by someone they consider to be too old, unsuitably dressed, looks less fit than they consider themselves to be, on a bike they think should be slower etc etc.

Phil, do you KNOW this, or are you just hoping?!
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Lightning Phil on 04 April, 2021, 09:31:50 pm
People hate getting overtaken on hills by someone they consider to be too old, unsuitably dressed, looks less fit than they consider themselves to be, on a bike they think should be slower etc etc.

Phil, do you KNOW this, or are you just hoping?!

If my experience of overtaking riders uphill when on my Brompton or Recumbent is anything to go by I KNOW this.  I had to listen to some verbal diarrhoea this week when, on my recumbent, I overtook a roadie on a 11% hill. Something about overtaking them on that THING, how was it possible etc. Luckily didn’t have to listen long as I pulled away.

When you are on an unconventional bike you get to hear a lot of preconceptions.  People see the bike and not the rider when making judgements on relative performance.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Peter on 04 April, 2021, 11:27:39 pm
I'm sorry if that's a regular occurrence.  But if it is, take heart that you regularly pass people!  It's true, however, that some people say the oddest things.  I was once passed in The Lakes by some bloke rehearsing for the Fred Whitton suffer-fest.  He was on a carbo-frame and I was on a hire-bike and he said, as he passed, "I wish I had your gears" which was pleasant enough but I had to resist the temptation to retort, "I wish I was your age, instead of 40 years older," which would have been the politer alternative to "You've just passed me, you don't need my ******* gears!"  But I still think it's better for my peace of mind and general enjoyment not to rise to it!

All the best.

Peter
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: quixoticgeek on 05 April, 2021, 12:32:26 am

Slogging up the Cauberg in bottom gear and wondering if I should just give up and walk, Oma and Opa pass me. In my head I swear loudly. Then as they start to pull away I notice the tell tale battery packs on the rear rack. Phew.

J
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Mr Larrington on 05 April, 2021, 12:54:42 am
People hate getting overtaken on hills by someone they consider to be too old, unsuitably dressed, looks less fit than they consider themselves to be, on a bike they think should be slower etc etc.

Phil, do you KNOW this, or are you just hoping?!

If my experience of overtaking riders uphill when on my Brompton or Recumbent is anything to go by I KNOW this.  I had to listen to some verbal diarrhoea this week when, on my recumbent, I overtook a roadie on a 11% hill. Something about overtaking them on that THING, how was it possible etc. Luckily didn’t have to listen long as I pulled away.

When you are on an unconventional bike you get to hear a lot of preconceptions.  People see the bike and not the rider when making judgements on relative performance.

The really galling thing is making fine progress on the flat on your laid-back machine before falling away as soon the road finds a Cotswold or Down to go up.  And then watching the equally laid-back Tigerrr otp overtaking swarms of uprights on the ascent, as happened to me and Von Broad on the Marlborough Connection.  The git.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Adam on 05 April, 2021, 09:39:34 am
People hate getting overtaken on hills by someone they consider to be too old, unsuitably dressed, looks less fit than they consider themselves to be, on a bike they think should be slower etc etc.

Phil, do you KNOW this, or are you just hoping?!

If my experience of overtaking riders uphill when on my Brompton or Recumbent is anything to go by I KNOW this.  I had to listen to some verbal diarrhoea this week when, on my recumbent, I overtook a roadie on a 11% hill. Something about overtaking them on that THING, how was it possible etc. Luckily didn’t have to listen long as I pulled away.

When you are on an unconventional bike you get to hear a lot of preconceptions.  People see the bike and not the rider when making judgements on relative performance.

Very true.  5 years ago I climbed Mont Ventoux on my modified Bickerton (conventional bars + Brompton wheels & 8 speed SA hub).  I overtook quite a few carbon bikes with puffing riders who muttered a few things.   Some did then (slowly) overtake me, just to make a point. 
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Redlight on 11 April, 2021, 09:30:22 am
Very true.  5 years ago I climbed Mont Ventoux on my modified Bickerton (conventional bars + Brompton wheels & 8 speed SA hub).  I overtook quite a few carbon bikes with puffing riders who muttered a few things.   Some did then (slowly) overtake me, just to make a point.

In my fitter days, I rode the Etape du Tour (Gap - Alpe D'Huez) on my Audax bike -  complete with steel frame, mudguards and a rear rack as I had cycled to the start with panniers -  and took great pleasure in climbing, albeit slowly, past pipe cleaner-thin continentals walking their featherweight bling machines up the Col D'Izoard and the Alpe itself  :smug:
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: perpetual dan on 11 April, 2021, 09:47:51 am
Anywhere with the word 'down' in its name is, in fact, up.
While places called “Mount Pleasant” are generally a bit tatty and on a small rise.

Also, I only seem to notice them while cycling.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: mzjo on 11 April, 2021, 05:19:30 pm
If you see a cyclist ahead up a hill you’ll most likely speed up and try and catch and pass them just before the top.  You’ll then think of some reason to stop or turn off before they can pass again. In your head you’ve won a race. Your heart rate tells the truth.

And it will always turn out to be the local grandmother with the shopping onboard (although these days she probably has electric assistance - which she won't be using 'cos she goes too fast!)
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: De Sisti on 11 April, 2021, 07:19:18 pm
Cyclist rides up to you and asks where you're going to, or where you're from. You reply, but they
never, automatically, and without prompting, tell you where they're heading to, or where they're from.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: rogerzilla on 12 April, 2021, 07:42:43 am
On a normally-quiet lane where all the potholes and broken tarmac are in the leftmost three feet, a stream of motor vehicles will appear from behind so you have to plough right through the lot.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: ian on 12 April, 2021, 09:23:10 am
People hate getting overtaken on hills by someone they consider to be too old, unsuitably dressed, looks less fit than they consider themselves to be, on a bike they think should be slower etc etc.

Phil, do you KNOW this, or are you just hoping?!

If my experience of overtaking riders uphill when on my Brompton or Recumbent is anything to go by I KNOW this.  I had to listen to some verbal diarrhoea this week when, on my recumbent, I overtook a roadie on a 11% hill. Something about overtaking them on that THING, how was it possible etc. Luckily didn’t have to listen long as I pulled away.

When you are on an unconventional bike you get to hear a lot of preconceptions.  People see the bike and not the rider when making judgements on relative performance.

Very true.  5 years ago I climbed Mont Ventoux on my modified Bickerton (conventional bars + Brompton wheels & 8 speed SA hub).  I overtook quite a few carbon bikes with puffing riders who muttered a few things.   Some did then (slowly) overtake me, just to make a point.

You don't need Mt Ventoux, just overtaking them on the little climb to Clapham will trigger the 'proper' cyclists.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Lightning Phil on 12 April, 2021, 09:57:21 am
A car driver will overtake just as a lane / road narrows due to parked cars, speed furniture and an oncoming car.  They will be forced to stop which in turn may force you to stop , when without their presence you have been able to quite merrily keep going. This will quite often be on an uphill section of lane / road.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: TheRedEyeJedi on 12 April, 2021, 11:08:57 am
"I reckon it must have been a pinch flat"

It isn't
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: rogerzilla on 12 April, 2021, 11:31:53 am
"I reckon it must have been a pinch flat"

It isn't
A couple of years ago, both my riding buddy and I had real front wheel pinch flats on opposite sides of White Horse Hill, within a few months of each other. He did his on a cattle grid and I did mine on a sharp-edged pothole.  Scary on such a steep downhill, as the two holes give quite a rapid deflation.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: rogerzilla on 12 April, 2021, 11:35:30 am
Anywhere with the word 'down' in its name is, in fact, up.
While places called “Mount Pleasant” are generally a bit tatty and on a small rise.

Also, I only seem to notice them while cycling.
My parents live on a Mount Pleasant, sadly not at no. 57.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Kim on 12 April, 2021, 11:42:21 am
On a normally-quiet lane where all the potholes and broken tarmac are in the leftmost three feet, a stream of motor vehicles will appear from behind so you have to plough right through the lot.

There's a related rule involving drivers of oncoming 4x4s being allergic to mud/gravel.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: John Stonebridge on 12 April, 2021, 11:51:39 am
Somebody will always leave the cafe door open leaving you in a cold draught.   

If you get up and close the door it will immediately be left open by the next person using it. 

 
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: jimmea on 12 April, 2021, 11:58:03 am
Somebody will always leave the cafe door open leaving you in a cold draught.   

If you get up and close the door it will immediately be left open by the next person using it.

Those people need clubbed to death.

Also, When leaving said cafe it's always straight uphill with a belly full of pastry goods  :sick:
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Kim on 12 April, 2021, 12:02:24 pm
On leaving the cafe, any ride that fails the cycling Bechdel Test[1] will result in a slow queue for the loo while all the men wait impatiently outside in the cold raring to go.  This is compensated for annually at the start of the Dunwich Dynamo.


[1] "Are there more women than people named /Joh?n.*/"
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Hot Flatus on 12 April, 2021, 12:12:57 pm
Somebody will always leave the cafe door open leaving you in a cold draught.   

If you get up and close the door it will immediately be left open by the next person using it.

Those people need clubbed to death.

Also, When leaving said cafe it's always straight uphill with a belly full of pastry goods  :sick:

Fish and Chips in the Mariner's cafe in New Quay springs to mind here.

If you get away with a sicky burp at Synod's inn you've got off lightly.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: sg37409 on 14 June, 2021, 10:40:44 am
A lot of cafe's now want the door left open to ventilate the covid.
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Peat on 14 June, 2021, 12:24:44 pm
On leaving the cafe, any ride that fails the cycling Bechdel Test[1] will result in a slow queue for the loo while all the men wait impatiently outside in the cold raring to go.  This is compensated for annually at the start of the Dunwich Dynamo.


[1] "Are there more women than people named /Joh?n.*/"

Alot of this is down to flawed human behavior. No one thinks about needing to use the loo until they stand up to leave. A cafe can't realistically turn over half of it's sq/ft'age to deal with the irregular peak demand of pee'ers, so people just need to wise up and slide off to the loo at ANY preceding point in their 20min cafe stop.

When I was doing holiday ride leading for a bit, I would sidle off and find the loo at the beginning and make a point of telling people where the loo was mid way through the stop. Once one went, the rest would twig and it became fairly ordily. Otherwise, it wastes loads of time over the course of a 3 stop day.

(I would also go and squidge my riders tyres halfway through the stop. Nothing worse than getting clipped in ready to go and someone forlornly shouting "Hang on, p**ture!")
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Graeme on 25 June, 2021, 09:22:13 pm
There is always someone lighter, stronger, fitter... than you
There is always someone cycling better, further, faster... than you
However, there is only one you... and if you're cycling... you're awesome!
Title: Re: The somewhat unwritten laws of cycling...
Post by: Lightning Phil on 25 June, 2021, 09:39:11 pm
If there are cyclists coming the other way , just as you crest a hill on your recumbent, one of them will say well done.  You will have no idea why they say this, as the hill is neither particularly long, or steep, nor are you physically limited in some way.

You can only surmise that they incorrectly think recumbents can not climb hills. Which is true, it’s the rider that does it.