The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)

[Mr Larrington]

LBWF's form for reporting a missed BIIIINNNNSSSS collection does work from a FruitCo 'slab so something something but with extra swearing.  I shall retry from a Proper Computer in due course.

[Beardy]

Attn: The cunt who keeps dumping used food on the pavement adjacent to Larrington Towers “to feed the rats foxes birbs”.

Not content with manky old bits of beard you have now added fucking coleslaw to the mix.  If I catch you in the act I will cable-tie your arms together behind your back and then make you eat it inna-pigeon-stylee.  While kicking you repeatedly in the fork and calling you quite a variety of unpleasant names.

I am concerned. Where from is the miscreant obtaining bits of beard? Have the abducted a hippsta and hacking away his hirsute awesomeness? Have they captured Farther Clause and subjecting him to facial unpleasantness? Or are they in fact deranged and are chopping at their own chin for the supply of beard bits with which to pollute your biome locality?
A worried wearer of a full set wants reassurance that this will not become a wider trend.

[Kim]

They're probably grooming random beardies on Facebook. Wowbagger had a narrow escape recently.

[Tom Joad]

Freecycle is just full of chancers looking for a free TV/laptop/cooker/fridge.

Not much chance if I'm only offering unwanted cat litter or used tights then…

There are special interest forums where used tights will sell for a good price - so a friend tells me.

[ian]

So my first trip in years, and it's usual hotel bill argument. Basically, hotels just stick random things on bills in the hope that either people won't notice or will simply think fuck it, it's not worth the bother and expense it. I'm being reminded why the latter is so popular, it's like arguing with a rock. There are three additional items on the bill, two are known, one isn't. In the space of five emails they've managed to explain the two known items and somehow gloss over the one I keep asking them about. There's only one item on the bill that has CHF29.50 next to it and they have a picture of said bill where I have highlighted this in lurid yellow. I would say the item to which I'm referring is un-fucking-missable.

[Mr Larrington]

Attn: The cunt who keeps dumping used food on the pavement adjacent to Larrington Towers “to feed the rats foxes birbs”.

Not content with manky old bits of beard you have now added fucking coleslaw to the mix.  If I catch you in the act I will cable-tie your arms together behind your back and then make you eat it inna-pigeon-stylee.  While kicking you repeatedly in the fork and calling you quite a variety of unpleasant names.

I am concerned. Where from is the miscreant obtaining bits of beard? Have the abducted a hippsta and hacking away his hirsute awesomeness? Have they captured Farther Clause and subjecting him to facial unpleasantness? Or are they in fact deranged and are chopping at their own chin for the supply of beard bits with which to pollute your biome locality?
A worried wearer of a full set wants reassurance that this will not become a wider trend.

Curse my stubby peasant fingers!  My tryping has goned to potty today.  I blaem teh Coronalurgi booster.

[Auntie Helen]

Freecycle is just full of chancers looking for a free TV/laptop/cooker/fridge.

Not much chance if I'm only offering unwanted cat litter or used tights then…

At work (candle manufacturer) we use tights to polish the candles.

[Feanor]

[...] we use tights to polish the candles.

[Auntie Helen]

[...] we use tights to polish the candles.

Is true, I bought two pallets of tights from Czechia for our production facility a few months ago.

[robgul]

Freecycle is just full of chancers looking for a free TV/laptop/cooker/fridge.

Not much chance if I'm only offering unwanted cat litter or used tights then…

At work (candle manufacturer) we use tights to polish the candles.

Is that like the Cuban women rolling cigars with their thighs?

[Ham]

I just left feedback to those folks in Neff on their website

You have clearly abandoned function in favour of form for hobs, in the same way as you have adopted digital controls for ovens over knobs which are faster and more convenient to use. Your latest piece of marketing nonsense is the "Flame Select". Any halfway competent cook appreciates the value of gas as continuously variable, and does not think to themselves, "if only this burner jumped from one setting to the next". You have completely negated the reason to choose gas in the first instance. I will not be replacing my old Neff hob with any of your shambolic offerings. Take your marketing people and drown them, put people in charge of design who use the damn products you sell.

Flame select on Neff:

Complete Cooking Control
With FlameSelect® you have the ultimate control over your flame
Introducing NEFF hobs with FlameSelect® where the gas flame adapts to the dish you’re cooking and not the other way around. Whether you’re searing a steak, boiling pasta, or simmering a stew, you can set the heat to a numbered power level just as you would with an electric hob.

See the feature in action, watch the video.

Cook Everything Just Right
Choose from 9-levels of heat
Select one of the 9 levels and you can see how the flame becomes larger or smaller just as you need it. For the first time ever, cooking with gas is as easy and precise as cooking on an electric hob. And no matter the dish, you’re guaranteed to enjoy cooking it.

For added reliability, you can control your cooking by numbers and not by eye as selected models feature an illuminated display to clearly display which power level is in use.

Here's how "Flame Select" is described on the Bosch website

Finally, a flame that does exactly what you want. Getting the right flame intensity can be a challenge. That's why FlameSelect hobs give you nine precisely defined flame levels. Adjust the heat easily and reliably so you’ll always get a steady sauté or gentle simmer, and perfect results every time.

[Kim]

The marketroids presumably did some focus groups and decided millennials (or whoever it is that doesn't know how to cook, yet is somehow in a position to be buying hobs?) wanted to be able to cook by numbers.

Unless electronic gas valves really are cheaper than knobs 

[hellymedic]

Seems a mistake to impose digital 'precision' on analogue servo adjustments...

[Kim]

That's a fair point too.  If it could do 8-bit precision that would be close enough to analogue as makes no difference, while still being numerically controllable if that's your thing.  Artificially limiting to 10 steps seems like lazy UI.


(As ever, this sort of techno-wank is probably an accessibility win for somebody, so let's not rubbish it completely.  But Shirley the main appeal of gas is to people who have Strong Opinions about cooking on gas.  Otherwise you'd just get something cheap to install and easy to clean.)

[MattH]

Absolutely. 10 is lazy UI, it should go to 11.

[Mrs Pingu]

Sounds like they are trying to appeal to people who have used induction?

[citoyen]

Sounds like they are trying to appeal to people who have used induction?

Which is funny because I love my induction hob and don’t think I am ever likely to change, but the infinite variability of gas is the one thing that could possibly tempt me.

My induction hob has settings 1-9 plus ‘Boost’ (which is great for rapidly bringing a pan of water to the boil), and rings of three sizes, but still I sometimes find that eg 4 is too low while 5 is too high.

A lot depends on the thermal properties of individual pans.

I think Ham’s NEFF hob is simply yet another case of capitalism driving innovation, rather than genuine usefulness.

[perpetual dan]

I’d be up for changing the controls on our gas hob for something less linear. Control of a gentle simmer is often by nudging at the play in the controls, while further up its mostly boil faster!, fry, rolling boil. I’d even go for a lower setting than is available.

[Beardy]

It sounds like a classic example of just because you can’t doesn’t mean you should.

[Ham]

I’d be up for changing the controls on our gas hob for something less linear. Control of a gentle simmer is often by nudging at the play in the controls, while further up its mostly boil faster!, fry, rolling boil. I’d even go for a lower setting than is available.

Far be it from me to cast nasturtiums but that might be the quality of the particular hob? I've frequently experienced what you are describing, but that has never been an issue with mine. Obviously, some of the larger burners don't have a low setting, but with five on offer I have two that do.

Another major gripe I have is that almost universally, the hob manufacturers have decided to limit the number of powerful burners you are allowed, most likely under the banner of "economy" and "saving the planet" as if having the capability to burn more gas means that you will. When I got this hob (>20 years ago now <gulp>) the two 3Kw burners + wok burner + two small was a standard configuration for a 5-burner hob. Now, you only get 1 2.7Kw (3Kw if you're lucky) +  wok, which is annoying. It is a rare occasion when you need 3 on full, but having the capability is useful. I have found one that does do what I want and should fit the hole. It has a Miele brand label on it <big gulp>. I carry on with this one until it fails, I think, which it will at some stage by coming apart, two of the three fixings that clamp the most used burner have broken, repair doesn't seem feasible.

[ian]

Does this hob connect to the internet and have an app?

Actually, considering I suffer from fiery death hob OCD, that might be useful.

[Cudzoziemiec]

"Alexa, boil me an egg."

On the point of "having the capability to burn more gas means that you will" I'm sure that's true, you will. Just because you can. But I'm reasonably confident it's negligible on the scale of things we do that overheat the atmosphere.

[Paul]

Seems a mistake to impose digital 'precision' on analogue servo adjustments...

Indexed hob gearing!

[perpetual dan]

I’d be up for changing the controls on our gas hob for something less linear. Control of a gentle simmer is often by nudging at the play in the controls, while further up its mostly boil faster!, fry, rolling boil. I’d even go for a lower setting than is available.

Far be it from me to cast nasturtiums but that might be the quality of the particular hob? I've frequently experienced what you are describing, but that has never been an issue with mine. Obviously, some of the larger burners don't have a low setting, but with five on offer I have two that do.

Another major gripe I have is that almost universally, the hob manufacturers have decided to limit the number of powerful burners you are allowed, most likely under the banner of "economy" and "saving the planet" as if having the capability to burn more gas means that you will. When I got this hob (>20 years ago now <gulp>) the two 3Kw burners + wok burner + two small was a standard configuration for a 5-burner hob. Now, you only get 1 2.7Kw (3Kw if you're lucky) +  wok, which is annoying. It is a rare occasion when you need 3 on full, but having the capability is useful. I have found one that does do what I want and should fit the hole. It has a Miele brand label on it <big gulp>. I carry on with this one until it fails, I think, which it will at some stage by coming apart, two of the three fixings that clamp the most used burner have broken, repair doesn't seem feasible.

It wasn't the finest hob known to humanity, sure - but it mostly does what we want. The work around is to put slow cooking stews in the oven once they're bubbling.
And to be clear - I think coarser in the hot end would be OK. Maybe I just want an even lower power burner than the small ones, so the opposite of what you're after!
When I'm looking to make multiple things come to the boil faster, I tend to use kettle-assist.

[Kim]

My induction hob has settings 1-9 plus ‘Boost’ (which is great for rapidly bringing a pan of water to the boil), and rings of three sizes, but still I sometimes find that eg 4 is too low while 5 is too high.

Thus proving that even if it goes to 11, that's not enough granularity.  There's no technical reason it has to work that way, it's just PWM.