Author Topic: more insane management speak phrases (Read 145658 times)

mattc · « **Reply #325 on:** 24 November, 2014, 06:29:07 pm »

More of an annoying distortion of meaning:

Current employers use "configured" [documents] to mean:
scanned and saved in a database, thenceforth under version control.

Is this common?!? Cant say I like it!

SteveC · « **Reply #326 on:** 24 November, 2014, 06:32:18 pm »

Quote from: mattc on 24 November, 2014, 06:29:07 pm

More of an annoying distortion of meaning:

Current employers use "configured" [documents] to mean:
scanned and saved in a database, thenceforth under version control.

Is this common?!? Cant say I like it!

Hmm, can of worms time. Strictly speaking, there's no real point in 'configuring' a document which isn't going to change.
But configuration management for documents which do change is, although a pain and a bore, a VERY GOOD IDEA.

mattc · « **Reply #327 on:** 24 November, 2014, 06:39:14 pm »

oh, ive got nothing against version control (and change control in general). Especially if someone else does all the work!

My problem is with the "configure" jargon. This is what the word _really_ means:

con·fig·ure
\kən-ˈfi-gyər, especially British -ˈfi-gər\
verb
: to arrange or prepare (something) so that it can be used

transitive verb
:to set up for operation especially in a particular way <a fighter plane configured for the Malaysian air force>

hatler · « **Reply #328 on:** 24 November, 2014, 06:57:46 pm »

'Vountary', as in 'voluntary redundancy' as used by the Civil Service.

What it really means is "If you agree to call this enforced lay-off 'voluntary', then we will give you a tiny bit more money."

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #329 on:** 26 November, 2014, 10:00:39 pm »

"Obviously this company is a key player in the fertiliser space. I think we can probably say that we are number one in the world when it comes to phosphate rock production with 7.5 million tonnes of phosphate rock every year."
So they're number one in the number two space?

a lower gear · « **Reply #330 on:** 28 November, 2014, 10:53:22 pm »

"Value engineering".

Sounds very positive. Sounds like summat I'd endorse / want more of / recommend as A Good Thing.

Turns out it's modern-speak for chopping bits of a project 'cos the money is running short. The latest edition of the project plans have lots of "VE" annotations printed across elements.

David Martin · « **Reply #331 on:** 29 November, 2014, 12:03:27 pm »

Value engineering is surely cuttign costs to make it as cheap as possible.

Polar Bear · « **Reply #332 on:** 29 November, 2014, 12:31:00 pm »

Quote from: mattc on 24 November, 2014, 06:29:07 pm

More of an annoying distortion of meaning:

Current employers use "configured" [documents] to mean:
scanned and saved in a database, thenceforth under version control.

Is this common?!? Cant say I like it!

Yes, it is. As a former Release and Configuration Manager with time served in two blue chip companies, I can tell you that the real nomenclature should vary by industry. Many organisations confuse simple document version control with configuration management of their software.

Pingu · « **Reply #333 on:** 01 December, 2014, 10:00:36 pm »

Quote from: a lower gear on 28 November, 2014, 10:53:22 pm

"Value engineering".

Sounds very positive. Sounds like summat I'd endorse / want more of / recommend as A Good Thing.

Turns out it's modern-speak for chopping bits of a project 'cos the money is running short. The latest edition of the project plans have lots of "VE" annotations printed across elements.

Yeah, our building suffered from a lot of that

fuzzy · « **Reply #334 on:** 02 December, 2014, 08:37:01 am »

"I don't want problems I want solutions"

From a 'manager' who required sheds moving after an H&S audit. Said sheds contain a lot of equipment which requires said sheds for their continued safe storage. The above utterance was after my boss asked his boss where he wanted the sheds moved to.

Vince · « **Reply #335 on:** 02 December, 2014, 09:21:41 am »

Are the sheds about the size of a car parking space, the manager's car parking space to be precise? That would be a solution.

Redlight · « **Reply #336 on:** 02 December, 2014, 09:40:04 am »

Apologies if someone has mentioned it before, but:

Thought Leadership (as in "could you write a 800 word thought leadership piece for our CEO?".)

aka

Opinion

Canardly · « **Reply #337 on:** 02 December, 2014, 09:54:12 am »

Oh yuck!

perpetual dan · « **Reply #338 on:** 02 December, 2014, 10:52:43 am »

Opinion is all very well, though I've head "you're a person with opinions" used as a put down. However, I'd have hoped "thinking" and "leading" were part of the CEO's JD.

I saw an announcement of a "task and finish" group today. Does that just mean "do something and actually finish it", and if so does that really need a name?

Canardly · « **Reply #339 on:** 02 December, 2014, 10:59:01 am »

I was accused of lateral thinking once upon a time. ....ho hum.

Cudzoziemiec · « **Reply #340 on:** 02 December, 2014, 11:03:44 am »

Lateral thinking, longitudinal action? Or something...

fuzzy · « **Reply #341 on:** 02 December, 2014, 02:02:27 pm »

Quote from: perpetual dan on 02 December, 2014, 10:52:43 am

Opinion is all very well, though I've head "you're a person with opinions" used as a put down. However, I'd have hoped "thinking" and "leading" were part of the CEO's JD.

I saw an announcement of a "task and finish" group today. Does that just mean "do something and actually finish it", and if so does that really need a name?

I wonder if that is the same as the old 'Job and Knock' days when I worked scaffolding- arrive, do the job and knock off.

ian · « **Reply #342 on:** 02 December, 2014, 02:42:45 pm »

I'm actually a Thought Leader. It's true.

Eccentrica Gallumbits · « **Reply #343 on:** 05 December, 2014, 03:48:37 pm »

Let's park that in the ideas fridge and we can snack on it later.

Kim · « **Reply #344 on:** 05 December, 2014, 05:01:59 pm »

Quote from: Eccentrica Gallumbits on 05 December, 2014, 03:48:37 pm

Let's park that in the ideas fridge and we can snack on it later.

That's pure Gus Hedges...

Moultonaught · « **Reply #345 on:** 05 December, 2014, 05:25:20 pm »

In a project set up meeting with a new client recently. I asked a question, fundamental to the way the project proceeds.
The response: "Let's not go into overt problem solving mode too prematurely...."

Eccentrica Gallumbits · « **Reply #346 on:** 05 December, 2014, 05:33:03 pm »

Quote from: Kim on 05 December, 2014, 05:01:59 pm

Quote from: Eccentrica Gallumbits on 05 December, 2014, 03:48:37 pm
Let's park that in the ideas fridge and we can snack on it later.

That's pure Gus Hedges...

One of my colleagues heard it on the radio the other day in a piece about insane management speak. She dared me to get it into my words today when I was facilitating discussion at an integration thing. I did it.

fuzzy · « **Reply #347 on:** 05 December, 2014, 08:41:24 pm »

"You can put the tree up after the kids have gone home."

The Management to two hairy arsed facilities blokes as instructions about the schools christmas tree- a 12 foot fake with 2 sets of lights and 3 boxes of deccies. Tree needs tethering at the top to a nearby structure to prevent 'accidents'

Kids are all out at 3:30 and we go home at 5:00.

Insane I tell you

PhilO · « **Reply #348 on:** 06 December, 2014, 07:21:50 am »

Sounds like approval for an overtime payment to me...

What other interpretation is possible?

mattc · « **Reply #349 on:** 06 December, 2014, 08:34:07 am »

Quote from: fuzzy (retd.) AAGE on 05 December, 2014, 08:41:24 pm

"You can put the tree up after the kids have gone home."

Drat - when I first saw this I was expecting some bizarre analogy, with no trees and kids actually involved. I spent several moments wondering wot on EARTH it could mean.