more insane management speak phrases

[Mr Larrington]

Cockup and bugarup?

[Cudzoziemiec]

It's not just management, it's infecting the junior ranks as well - I found this in a report I'm reviewing

"To facilitate the fulfilment of documentation requirements from CU to BU level efficiently"

B++ for effort, or at least desire to impress.

[fboab]

I used 'circle back' yesterday.
I was only slightly taking the piss. 

[ElyDave]

It's not just management, it's infecting the junior ranks as well - I found this in a report I'm reviewing

"To facilitate the fulfilment of documentation requirements from CU to BU level efficiently"

B++ for effort, or at least desire to impress.

I asked what they meant, they explained, I thought why the fuck didn't you just say that in the first place?

[Si S]

Word of the week at my virtual work Huddle = get back in the brick & mortar office and meet people fact to face.

Sounds a bit worryingly like cuddle and I've never met most of my colleagues in real life before 

Oh Gawd... at my former employer the social committee got renamed 'The Huddle' and thus was born an entire lexicon of bollocks involving Huddlers, Hudlees, Hudovating

[John Stonebridge]

Announcement yesterday that Our Department [TM] would be merging with Another Department [TM] and that the boss of Another Department [TM] would be the new head honcho of The New Combined Department [TM]. 

Diligently, I went online to find out more about my new colleagues.   

OMG its all "horizontal workstreams" "investment engine rooms" and (my favourite) "value driven roadmap planning". 

FFS.   
   

Update.  Our merged teams now sit together in the office when we are there that is.  I happened to be in the office earlier this week.  Wandering idly towards my desk I passed a woman that I didnt recognise working furiously on a slide presentation titled "A cost and value mindset"'

I read it as "there will be redundancies and much misery for those that remain". 

[Cudzoziemiec]

Referring to the suggestion that someone's return from maternity leave should be phased rather than straight in: "The manager has socialised it it with her."

[hatler]

'Socialised' has to be right up there as one of my most despised management speak examples.

I worked for a Big Corp and they thought it appropriate to 'socialise' the new T&E policy.

Nope, not 'mandate' or 'enforce' or even 'publish' or broadcast', nope, 'socialise'. Slippy-shouldered, accountability averse bastards.

[mrcharly-YHT]

I was introduced to 'socialise' as a term meaning "Managers can now tell the rank and file."

As in "Bob, are the promotions and grade changes approved, so I can tell the team?"
"Yes, socialise it."

It was also used to indicate that a rumour should be started (maybe by mentioning it to known team gossip at the water cooler).
"There is a department rumour that XX huge changes are going to happen. We want to put a stop to that, but don't make it official (in case XX happens after all).  Maybe socialise that XX isn't being planned."

Worse than Yes Minister.

[ian]

I just wrote we should discuss operationalizing this data. I feel my return to the upper decks of a corporate mothership is now complete.

[pcolbeck]

I'm attending a remote "AGILE" course as type this. Its only 12:15 on the first morning of a two day course and I've already lost the will to live.
It's not even really relevant as I'm neither a programmer nor a program manger and usually work in a team of one.